To not buy her new trainers?

[Grealish]

My DD (12) got new trainers in March for school PE. We got her a pair of Skechers because they’re comfy and she’s never had any interest in fashion or trends. Well now she’s starting secondary school in a week and she’s told me that these shoes will not do. They’re still in perfect condition, and still fit her perfectly. She’s shown me the shoes she wants and that everyone apparently has and I told her that we will get her shoes like that when she out grows these ones or she wears them out/they get ruined.

Well I should not have said that because we came down this morning and her shoes had been cut up. She claims it was the dog. It’s mad how dogs can chew exactly like scissors! Told her we’d have to get rid of the dog if he was chewing things, trying to make her fess up but didn’t work haha.

Anyways I just want to know what you would do in this scenario. She needs trainers for PE and she plans to do Basketball after school so she can’t not have trainers. I’m tempted to buy her the same shoes again but that seems like a waste. The shoes she wants are the same price but that feels like rewarding her for destroying her runners. She gets €10 a week pocket money for doing bits around the house, so I could buy the ones she wants and say it comes out of her pocket money for the next 8 weeks or so. Ahhh I just don’t know what’s the answer in this scenario. Not sure what the balance is between teaching a lesson and not being a bitch.

Yes, get her the shoes she wants but make her pay for them. And tell her you know damn fine it wasn't the dog, how insulting of her!

She was probably worried about getting picked on and acted unrationally. But she's only 12. I'd cut her some slack, I'd have a chat about being wasteful and the cost of things and I'd buy her the new shoes.

I just remember the awfulness of not keeping up with peers from my time in school. I'd hate my child to feel that way.

Take it out of her allowance but say at 7 out of 10 per week, so she still gets a few pounds.

Yeah she needs to at the very least contribute to the cost of new trainers and admit what she did. If she was mine she wouldn't be getting new ones until there'd been an apology.

Skechers? For a 12 year old? That seems massively unfair. Just apologise and buy her new trainers.

Just get her the shoes. She probably is worried about getting picked on wearing sketchers at secondary. Seems a bit mean to only have 1 pair of trainers

Why on earth should OP apologise?

Because as likely as not she’s already been bullied.

Cutting up the trainers was not the right thing to do. I would have bought her new trainers if I could have afforded it. I am 40 and to this day I remember having a school bag bought from the equivalent of B+M and was teased so badly for it. Some kids are rutheless

Then the bullies need to apologise, via school. Not OP.

Err can someone explain what is wrong with sketchers? - I thought they were a fairly fashionable brand. I’m 35 though so maybe I’ve been living under a trainer absent rock 😂

I thought they were ok too.

She's obviously either being bullied, worried about being bullied, or worried about not fitting in at secondary school. Most 12 year olds aren't wearing skechers these days.

Tell her that she can talk to you about those things and the real reason why she wants new trainers, then you will have a better understanding. Talk to her about how important communication is and that you do "get it" that she wants to fit in.

But she also needs to understand why cutting up her trainers was wrong, admit that she did it and apologise.

Then, after that, I would get her the trainers she wants. I would consider taking a small contribution towards them from her pocket money as a consequence for cutting up her old ones. Probably not the entire cost but just half her pocket money for a few weeks or something.

They were fashionable when I was a teen. But I think they are now very much seen as 'mum trainers' 😅

If she was happy with the shoes in March then I'd make her pay for the replacements. Otherwise what's she going to do if the ones she now wants end up no longer fashionable but still fit - cut them up as well?

Sketchers are old lady shoes and not suitable for sports

I don't agree with what she did, there should be punishment, but she'll need some proper trainers (possibly indoor and outdoor depending on the sports offered)

You can usually get some relatively cheap ones from sports direct etc but with the appropriate support

I notice a lot of the cruise passengers round here wearing them. I associate them with people who need comfy sensible shoes due to aches and pains, nowt wrong with that but they wouldn't be my cup of tea.

My mum wears Sketchers she's 79.

Absolutely pocket money. Also I’d add in extra for lying.

My mum wears them and she’s 83. Not a chance my children would wear them.

I view Sketchers as pretty much orthopaedic.

I'm assuming that cutting up trainers is fairly abnormal behaviour for her, otherwise you wouldn't have posted here. This is surely an indication of how desperate she was not to wear Sketchers to school.

You need to make it very clear to her that you know she cut up her old ones and that moving forwards this will be massively punished. You also need to make it very clear that you didn't realise how much the new trainers meant to her, that you're happy for her to have them but she will be contributing from her allowance.

Oh bum! I bought two pairs about six months ago thinking they were fairly ‘in’. I’ve never tried to be into every trend, but didn’t realised I had just added to my mum uniform 😱 I’ll just wear them with my skinny jeans and Breton top - May as well embrace it fully 🤣

I work in a school, dont understand the negative comments towards sketchers? I’ve seen the prices and they’re not cheap and they come in all different colours/styles.

I’d use her allowance to buy new ones, regardless of if you go for the new brand or not. If she’s desperate for the ones her friends wear I’d make her do extra chores or something to offset the price difference.

I love my Sketchers. I am 38 though so doubtful they are fashionable for anyone under 25. 😂

I just bought a pair of Sketchers recently as i needed a fully black pair of trainers for a group event. Every time i wear them i look at my feet in horror as i think they look very frumpy. I am aged 60. I feel for your DD. She has obviously realised they are not the right pair for secondary school and her still-developing brain panicked and thought cutting them up and blaming the dog was the thing to do. I would talk to her about being truthful and coming to you if she has an issue with something like this. I would then come to a compromise with her that she pays part of her weekly allowance towards half the cost of her new trainers and you pay the other half.