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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not buy her new trainers?

352 replies

Grealish · 23/08/2023 15:08

My DD (12) got new trainers in March for school PE. We got her a pair of Skechers because they’re comfy and she’s never had any interest in fashion or trends. Well now she’s starting secondary school in a week and she’s told me that these shoes will not do. They’re still in perfect condition, and still fit her perfectly. She’s shown me the shoes she wants and that everyone apparently has and I told her that we will get her shoes like that when she out grows these ones or she wears them out/they get ruined.

Well I should not have said that because we came down this morning and her shoes had been cut up. She claims it was the dog. It’s mad how dogs can chew exactly like scissors! Told her we’d have to get rid of the dog if he was chewing things, trying to make her fess up but didn’t work haha.

Anyways I just want to know what you would do in this scenario. She needs trainers for PE and she plans to do Basketball after school so she can’t not have trainers. I’m tempted to buy her the same shoes again but that seems like a waste. The shoes she wants are the same price but that feels like rewarding her for destroying her runners. She gets €10 a week pocket money for doing bits around the house, so I could buy the ones she wants and say it comes out of her pocket money for the next 8 weeks or so. Ahhh I just don’t know what’s the answer in this scenario. Not sure what the balance is between teaching a lesson and not being a bitch.

OP posts:
BoohooWoohoo · 23/08/2023 19:08

Britney was advertising them 20 years ago ! So somebody who is 35 now would have been 15 when she was a brand ambassador.

BoohooWoohoo · 23/08/2023 19:10

Just had a google and Myleene Klass is the UK ambassador which suggests it's for parents and grandparents

TropicalTrama · 23/08/2023 19:10

BoohooWoohoo · 23/08/2023 19:08

Britney was advertising them 20 years ago ! So somebody who is 35 now would have been 15 when she was a brand ambassador.

23 years ago actually and it was ended in them suing each other because Britney wouldn’t approve any of their designs for her range probably because they were all fucking hideous 🤣

Alphabetica · 23/08/2023 19:11

BoohooWoohoo · 23/08/2023 19:08

Britney was advertising them 20 years ago ! So somebody who is 35 now would have been 15 when she was a brand ambassador.

Well yes but most brands target the same age range, even when a target audience outgrow it. Next has always been 30+ office worker, New Look early 20s etc.

vestedinterests · 23/08/2023 19:13

Has she only got one pair of trainers and one pair of school shoes? I would have bought her the trainers and told her to wear her old ones in the garden or when walking the dog

Bandyarsia · 23/08/2023 19:15

gamerchick · 23/08/2023 17:48

Sorted then. If you're willing to buy the kid what she wants, then I'm sure the OP will be thankful.

Condoning a kid cutting up something to get their own way is bad shit coming from an adult though.

I didn't say I condoned it. I said I understood it. Wearing Skechers to a new secondary school is social suicide. I understand why she did it, I would have done the same at that age. Any punishment is worth not having to wear those hideouts kicks to school. A public flogging would be preferable at that age.

Bandyarsia · 23/08/2023 19:16

Jl2014 · 23/08/2023 18:10

I’d take the money for the ruined trainers from her pocket money and replace them with the most cheap / crap / embarrassing trainers I could find.

You sound like a fantastic mother...not.

Alphabetica · 23/08/2023 19:16

Out of interest, how much did the Skechers cost?

romdowa · 23/08/2023 19:22

lavendersbluedillydilly12 · 23/08/2023 16:02

Blimey - you guys are nice. I'd make her go to school and borrow some out of the lost property box. She can tell everyone what she did. I'd write to her tutor and tell them the reason she doesn't have trainers. Sounds like a brat!

I find the answers crazy too. Shed get trainers from the supermarket until she could save her money to buy what she wants. No way in hell would I reward her actions. No wonder kids are the way they are.

Thoughtful2355 · 23/08/2023 19:22

thankfully my kids are only young but Yes sketchers would most likely get someone bullied around here too, They are seen as old peoples shoes to a lot of young people.

OhYetAnotherBrickInTheWall · 23/08/2023 19:23

I’m 52 years old. Got the biggest bunion you ever did see and I wear Nike Air Jordan’s and similar.

Not a cats I hell chance would I wear Skechers. Blimey, they were the dodge brand when they came out!

What she did wasn’t great and I’d be letting her know that I knew - she’d know the jig was up but bloody hell, does the length she went to not tell you how very important this is to her?!

Do you not remember being 12, starting secondary and being fucking terrified?!

Buy the girl some decent trainers. Buy her two bloody pairs (but give her a bollocking too).

xyz111 · 23/08/2023 19:26

Mumoftwoboysaged4and5 · 23/08/2023 15:27

Err can someone explain what is wrong with sketchers? - I thought they were a fairly fashionable brand. I’m 35 though so maybe I’ve been living under a trainer absent rock 😂

I'm 39 and wouldn't wear Sketchers. Even Jamie Redknapp advertising them isn't cool either 🤣

ReadTheFiles · 23/08/2023 19:27

Did you choose the god awful sketchers for her? If so why on earth did you do that? Just get her the ones she wants! Secondary school is hard enough without turning up sporting a pair of sketchers

Comtesse · 23/08/2023 19:29

My kids moan about clothes and trainers but they’ve never destroyed anything. I’d go mad about that. A better brand to fit it? No freaking way.

Riapia · 23/08/2023 19:30

goingtotown · 23/08/2023 15:38

My mum wears Sketchers she's 79.

Does she, aye.

MumUndone · 23/08/2023 19:31

Jesus Christ this thread is depressing. Some people have no shoes. At all. OPs kid had some that were perfectly fine. She cut them up and lied about it. People are telling OP to buy her daughter new trainers and to apologise to her. They're more concerned that the brand is for 'old ladies'. This is everything that is wrong with society. Materialism, wastage, entitlement, sexism, ageism. It makes me sick.

Wenfy · 23/08/2023 19:32

I think it’s sad that she felt she had to lie about the dog chewing them. Do you have a good relationship

OhYetAnotherBrickInTheWall · 23/08/2023 19:32

MumUndone · 23/08/2023 19:31

Jesus Christ this thread is depressing. Some people have no shoes. At all. OPs kid had some that were perfectly fine. She cut them up and lied about it. People are telling OP to buy her daughter new trainers and to apologise to her. They're more concerned that the brand is for 'old ladies'. This is everything that is wrong with society. Materialism, wastage, entitlement, sexism, ageism. It makes me sick.

Teenagers gonna teenage since 1950’s. And by that, I mean gonna want fashion the ‘old folks’ don’t wear.

ReadTheFiles · 23/08/2023 19:33

Riapia · 23/08/2023 19:30

Does she, aye.

What’s so unbelievable about that? My neighbour wears sketchers and she’s in her 70s

MixedTocopherols · 23/08/2023 19:34

All the pps from the "I'd show her who's boss and buy the shittest trainers available" school of parenting sound almost more immature than this 12yo.

How would you feel if someone forced you wear something you hated and were ashamed of, every day, to teach you some sort of lesson? Cared for and understood, or humiliated?

ReadTheFiles · 23/08/2023 19:36

MixedTocopherols · 23/08/2023 19:34

All the pps from the "I'd show her who's boss and buy the shittest trainers available" school of parenting sound almost more immature than this 12yo.

How would you feel if someone forced you wear something you hated and were ashamed of, every day, to teach you some sort of lesson? Cared for and understood, or humiliated?

Totally agree. When I was at school culottes suddenly came into fashion. Every girl was wearing them … my mum made me some by sewing a skirt together in the middle. I felt physically sick with embarrassment all day and yes I was picked on and yes I did purposely destroy them.

GellerYeller · 23/08/2023 19:36

My friend, her sister, her retired mum and her 13 year old DD all wear them. My kids find this a bit funny but would never bully or judge. Everyone has their own style and taste, simple.
(secretly wonders if they’re looking at my child with their ‘love child of Dave Grohl and Robert Smith’ aesthetic and feeling quite smug about their DD’s smart comfy, not so trendy shoes) 😂

randomusernam · 23/08/2023 19:39

She would be getting a pair of the cheapest school plimsoles I could find. And if she chose to use their pocket money to save for new ones the so be it. She would not be getting them from me. 8 weeks wouldn't kill her

FlamingYam · 23/08/2023 19:42

urbanbuddha · 23/08/2023 15:16

Skechers? For a 12 year old? That seems massively unfair. Just apologise and buy her new trainers.

😂😂😂

OP you're lucky social services weren't called.

Shit move of her to damage them but she was clearly desperate and felt there was no other way to get out the trainers that she hates. They can't have been that dear (don't they give them away?🤮😂) and march was a while ago. I'd buy her the trainers but give her a stern talking to about damaging to get what she wants.

musicforthesoul · 23/08/2023 19:42

I'd get her the ones she wants but deduct the full cost from her pocket money.

I'd be telling her I knew damn well she was lying about the dog chewing them up as well!