To not buy her new trainers?

[Grealish]

My DD (12) got new trainers in March for school PE. We got her a pair of Skechers because they’re comfy and she’s never had any interest in fashion or trends. Well now she’s starting secondary school in a week and she’s told me that these shoes will not do. They’re still in perfect condition, and still fit her perfectly. She’s shown me the shoes she wants and that everyone apparently has and I told her that we will get her shoes like that when she out grows these ones or she wears them out/they get ruined.

Well I should not have said that because we came down this morning and her shoes had been cut up. She claims it was the dog. It’s mad how dogs can chew exactly like scissors! Told her we’d have to get rid of the dog if he was chewing things, trying to make her fess up but didn’t work haha.

Anyways I just want to know what you would do in this scenario. She needs trainers for PE and she plans to do Basketball after school so she can’t not have trainers. I’m tempted to buy her the same shoes again but that seems like a waste. The shoes she wants are the same price but that feels like rewarding her for destroying her runners. She gets €10 a week pocket money for doing bits around the house, so I could buy the ones she wants and say it comes out of her pocket money for the next 8 weeks or so. Ahhh I just don’t know what’s the answer in this scenario. Not sure what the balance is between teaching a lesson and not being a bitch.

sketchers are seen as shoes for the elderly aren’t they (or maybe toddlers too) so I can understand why a 12 year old wouldn’t want a pair. I wouldn’t and I’m 36. However, to cut up a pair and blame it on the dog isn’t really on- she needs to fess up and then come up with a savings plan. Maybe you can pay half each depending on which trainers she’s got her eye on.

I am 70 and think that sketchers are more appropriate to my age group!

OP you need to prepare yourself for this because girls get teased (bullied) for not wearing fashionable shoes/trainers to school. You really don’t know how bad it can be.

I'd just buy her the trainers that will help her fit in tbh. I think if you'd properly listened to her this wouldn't have happened, and that you might have anticipated that having acceptably fashionable trainers would be important for high school.

yabu skechers are not proper trainers suitable for pe and additiknal sports.

I would buy her the suitable trainers but make very clear to her that destroying shoes like that is not acceptable. maybe dock a week's worth of pocket money.

Poor kid, I wouldn’t have refused her new trainers unless I was literally broke. Skechers are really unfashionable (my Dad who is in his 60s wears them!), she just wants to fit in at secondary and they’re 6 months old so have had a good run and could have been kept as a spare, for weekend muddy walks etc. She’s acted badly and lied so definitely deserves consequences but I’d buy her the new shoes that she wants because forcing her to stand out at a new school in shoes for the elderly is too big of a punishment. Dock her pocket money, no screen time for a few days instead.

What she did was wrong, and she needs to learn a lesson. Maybe make her do jobs to earn money to put towards a new pair?

But seriously, stay away from the sketchers - they're for old people and you're going to get her picked on!

You could pretend you don’t know it was her and just buy the to e new trainers she wants. At least then she will just think she got away with it rather than you being a pushover. Or else yes make her pay for them

I’m 41 and love my Sketchers, I’m training for a half marathon in them and find them really comfy even after running 15k!

But being 12 is difficult enough as it is and things like shoes really matter to some kids, I’d get the new ones she wants plus a lecture about how you know it wasn’t the dog and maybe a contribution from her allowance.

Not a chance anyone at secondary school would be seen dead in Skechers!

However, she needs to fess up about cutting them and contribute to the new ones. She must have been desperate! But she should have had the conversation with you. Had you already said no?

Yeah sketchers aren't cool for teens. My dh bought dc10 a pair last year and she was embarrassed to wear them after 6months. Regardless what she did was really wrong and wasteful. I'd take at £6/7 from her pocket money to repay you. Any less than that and she might not feel it. £10 per week is quite a lot.

There's a reason they sell Sketchers in garden centres Op, just talk to her. Make her realise that what she did must never happen again. And that she'll have to make a contribution to them. But also say that you'd forgotten what it was like being a 12 year old and next time this sort of thing comes up you'll have to have more of a chat about it.

Hmm I agree she shouldnt have tried to deceive you (I'd be quite pleased that she's so bad at deception though!) and I'd be talking to her about that behaviour. I'd be more concerned about why she went to those lengths though, particularly if it's a one off. As for trainers, I have two active, sporty boys and we have many pairs! One pair for a 12 year old is insufficient I think. I think you should be getting her a new pair for her new school and letting her pick - within a budget etc - the type she wants.

Absolute punishable offence. Shes mutilated trainers,lied,(i absolute detest lies above all other sins),blamed the defenceless dog,and......is getting what she wants. You absolutely HAVE to buy a size down-give her blisters.see how smart she is then.
sorry-obviously not...but defo zero pocket money\twice the chores.

She has done two things wrong - damaged her trainers in order to get new ones and then lied about it.

I would say from now on you’ll pay x towards a new pair of trainers. If she wants anything more than that then she pays the difference out of her pocket money. As she deliberately damaged her current ones then she will pay an even bigger contribution towards the new trainers.

And I’d be giving her a tech ban or grounding for the two incidents too.

I got bullied all the way through school for having the "wrong" shoes, so my mind did jump to that (and I don't think Skechers are in shoes).

Personally I would ask the question as to whether she'd had any negative comments about them to see if that's starts a conversation about anything deeper, get the ones she wants as a replacement and also give her jobs and deduct from allowance to "pay off" the price of the new trainers.

I think this is the best solution.

I'd compromise OP - she has to pay for half of the new shoes, you pay the other half.

Next time get her to do the hard work of selling them so that the cost of a new pair can be reduced.

Sketchers would be social suicide at a secondary school. They are trainers for parents and grandparents, not anyone young and cool.

Making her pay is fair.

Agree with others that you handled this badly initially right or wrong Skechers aren't trendy for teens. At all. Image is a big deal at 12.

But obviously the lying and blaming the dog is wrong.

I think if it was me I'd have a serious conversation, given she's destroyed perfectly good shoes I'd make her pay half for new shoes from her pocket money and/or make her do extra jobs to pay for the rest.

But equally I'd let her know that if she's honest in future you will listen to her and try to agree a compromise but that you can't be manipulated.

Blimey - you guys are nice. I'd make her go to school and borrow some out of the lost property box. She can tell everyone what she did. I'd write to her tutor and tell them the reason she doesn't have trainers. Sounds like a brat!

Seriously? She would rather see the dog rehomed than admit she cut them up? That's vile I would buy her some from shoe zone as a punishment because this is unacceptable

And I would reconsider her after school activities too

Side note my kids have shoe zone trainers and no-one cares perhaps send her to a school with a robust anti bullying policy next time

Word of warning. Teens change their mind like the wind over fashion. So although I always listen to my teens and make sure they have decent fashionable stuff. I never go mad paying £££ be abuse they grow like weeds and change their mind.

My DD gets the expensive shoes she wants of vinted. They’ve all been like new so far…

She's likely not a brat, just a kid nervous about starting secondary school and being took piss out of.

Do you guys have teens? Image is very important to many. They do come out the other side and start to care less.