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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not buy her new trainers?

352 replies

Grealish · 23/08/2023 15:08

My DD (12) got new trainers in March for school PE. We got her a pair of Skechers because they’re comfy and she’s never had any interest in fashion or trends. Well now she’s starting secondary school in a week and she’s told me that these shoes will not do. They’re still in perfect condition, and still fit her perfectly. She’s shown me the shoes she wants and that everyone apparently has and I told her that we will get her shoes like that when she out grows these ones or she wears them out/they get ruined.

Well I should not have said that because we came down this morning and her shoes had been cut up. She claims it was the dog. It’s mad how dogs can chew exactly like scissors! Told her we’d have to get rid of the dog if he was chewing things, trying to make her fess up but didn’t work haha.

Anyways I just want to know what you would do in this scenario. She needs trainers for PE and she plans to do Basketball after school so she can’t not have trainers. I’m tempted to buy her the same shoes again but that seems like a waste. The shoes she wants are the same price but that feels like rewarding her for destroying her runners. She gets €10 a week pocket money for doing bits around the house, so I could buy the ones she wants and say it comes out of her pocket money for the next 8 weeks or so. Ahhh I just don’t know what’s the answer in this scenario. Not sure what the balance is between teaching a lesson and not being a bitch.

OP posts:
Shinystar12 · 23/08/2023 16:05

Stompythedinosaur · 23/08/2023 15:47

I'd just buy her the trainers that will help her fit in tbh. I think if you'd properly listened to her this wouldn't have happened, and that you might have anticipated that having acceptably fashionable trainers would be important for high school.

This!

Bandyarsia · 23/08/2023 16:07

I am not condoning hat she did but PLEASE do not send her back to school in Sketchers. The kids would have a field day. Starting secondary school is daunting enough without wearing old woman shoes. I'd say she cut them out of desperation.

edwinbear · 23/08/2023 16:08

I took DD shopping for school stuff last weekend, she's also about to start Y7, I suggested Skechers as well as they looked perfectly fine to me, but DS (heading into Y10) rolled his eyes and told me she really couldn't wear Skechers as she would be horribly bullied. He and DD fight like cat and dog, so I took the view if he was sticking up for his sister on this, I should probably listen. I'd also make her pay a contribution towards new trainers, but buy the ones she wants. She'll be nervous and desperate to fit in so whilst awful behaviour, I do have a bit of empathy.

Robinbuildsbears · 23/08/2023 16:08

Theunamedcat · 23/08/2023 16:02

Seriously? She would rather see the dog rehomed than admit she cut them up? That's vile I would buy her some from shoe zone as a punishment because this is unacceptable

And I would reconsider her after school activities too

Side note my kids have shoe zone trainers and no-one cares perhaps send her to a school with a robust anti bullying policy next time

To a 12 year old, the concept of rehoming a dog is hardly vile. It's not like the threat was to have the dog put down.

gamerchick · 23/08/2023 16:08

Would I fuck reward cutting shit up.

She can have the ones she wants but her pocket money is suspended until both pairs have been paid off. Teach the entitled bugger a lesson.

OnionBhajis · 23/08/2023 16:11

Gosh some people on here I think are drawn to kids "punishment threads" as we've seen before . (Buy a size down and give her blisters- really??!?!)

In the real world I'd think it shows how worried she was that she'd go these lengths. She tried to tell you and you ignored her. Kids can do odd things when they feel trapped. Not that it's right but what else could she do now?! It was her way of desperately trying not to get bullied/look stupid at school.

I asked around before we got my daughters trainers. £30 addidas trainers here.

OnionBhajis · 23/08/2023 16:12

"Entitled bugger" gosh some people on this site really don't like kids...

WaitingfortheTardis · 23/08/2023 16:12

Lots of the girls at dd's primary school seem to have Skechers, I think because they do ones that are quite colourful and/or sparklely. I think it is hard if you are at secondary and you have the wrong stuff, unfortunately children are mean.

LolaSmiles · 23/08/2023 16:13

The cutting up and blaming the dog is out of order.

Much as I'd not have got sketchers for a 12 year old in the first place, I'd not want be setting a precedent that any time a 12 year old's fickle sense of fashion changes they can destroy their possessions to get what they want.

If the OP's child was fine with them a few months ago and wasn't bothered, then I'd do what other posters have said and get new trainers but most of the cost comes from her pocket money. I'd also not be buying whichever is the most in demand trainer because in a couple of months she'll be probably moaning to have new ones because they're not the 'in' trainers any more.

Bandyarsia · 23/08/2023 16:13

God I can't get over some of the comments on here, your poor kids.

OnionBhajis · 23/08/2023 16:14

(As an aside sketchers are not orthopedic . Just the opposite. My orthotic/podiatrist said they dont have enough support.).

LolaSmiles · 23/08/2023 16:14

The cutting up and blaming the dog is out of order.

Much as I'd not have got sketchers for a 12 year old in the first place, I'd not want be setting a precedent that any time a 12 year old's fickle sense of fashion changes they can destroy their possessions to get what they want.

If the OP's child was fine with them a few months ago and wasn't bothered, then I'd do what other posters have said and get new trainers but most of the cost comes from her pocket money. I'd also not be buying whichever is the most in demand trainer because in a couple of months she'll be probably moaning to have new ones because they're not the 'in' trainers any more.

AdoraBell · 23/08/2023 16:16

I would take it out of her allowance and talk to her about communicating etc, and not blaming the dog. I’d also be tempted to say if she blames the dog again I would join in and blame the dog for everything. Dinner isn’t her favourite food tonight, dog’s fault, it’s too hot/raining - dog’s fault, she’s got lots of homework- dog’s fault. Until she gets the message of not blaming someone who is not responsible for her actions.

TheGreenSketch · 23/08/2023 16:17

Her survival instinct kicked in. She would have been destroyed at school, it’s daunting enough without setting them up for grief. It’s not cool behaviour obviously, but then nor is buying Skechers for a 12 year old…

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 23/08/2023 16:21

Tricky one - because there (imo) does need to be a consequence for the cutting up on the trainers, and even more so the lying.

Is she still sticking by her lie? I think her punishment would depend on that.

Trainers wise, it does feel counter productive to get her what she wants, as it comes across as rewarding the behaviour, but equally - when it comes to spending that much money, no one is going to come out of it on top if you get her something she isn't happy with.

Growing up without the fashionable brands is bloody difficult, and not something I would make my children do, finances depending.

I would probably make her contribute towards them, reducing her pocket money accordingly. If she doesn't fess up, I'd probably make her cover the cost more.

As for her being 'vile' for not feeling the truth when told the dog would have to go, she probably knew it was a false threat.

gamerchick · 23/08/2023 16:21

OnionBhajis · 23/08/2023 16:12

"Entitled bugger" gosh some people on this site really don't like kids...

Fuck all to do with not liking kids and not tolerating destroying possessions that cost money to get your own way. What a strange post Hmm

WiddlinDiddlin · 23/08/2023 16:23

I have some sympathy for the risk and reality of being bullied for the clothing/shoes you wear to school... I really do, but...

Failing to talk to you properly
Destroying perfectly good footwear
Lying and blaming the dog

All absolutely unacceptable and would be for a child several years younger than she is.

I'd buy her the trainers she needs for school - whatever is on the list as appropriate, not necessarily what she fancies.

Then she'd get no pocket money until the cost of the destroyed trainers + cost of the new replacement pair, was paid back.

SuperiorM · 23/08/2023 16:25

Ok so I’m afraid I think she should not have to work for pocket money.

If she’s 12 was still fitting footwear she had in March that’s quite worrying. I really would get her measured.

I don’t condone cutting them up though and you might consider saying no pocket money for a fortnight or something along those lines.

Bandyarsia · 23/08/2023 16:25

gamerchick · 23/08/2023 16:21

Fuck all to do with not liking kids and not tolerating destroying possessions that cost money to get your own way. What a strange post Hmm

Show quote history

Nah calling a child an entitled bugger because she went to the lengths of destroying her old lady shoes in the hope her mother would buy her ones that she won't get bullied for is a lot stranger. My heart goes out to her to be honest. She tried telling her Mother that these ones would not do and her mother did not listen, she even wore the shit Sketchers since fekin March without quibble. She is starting secondary school, give her a bloody break. Wearing sketchers to secondary is MORTIFYING.

Bandyarsia · 23/08/2023 16:27

WiddlinDiddlin · 23/08/2023 16:23

I have some sympathy for the risk and reality of being bullied for the clothing/shoes you wear to school... I really do, but...

Failing to talk to you properly
Destroying perfectly good footwear
Lying and blaming the dog

All absolutely unacceptable and would be for a child several years younger than she is.

I'd buy her the trainers she needs for school - whatever is on the list as appropriate, not necessarily what she fancies.

Then she'd get no pocket money until the cost of the destroyed trainers + cost of the new replacement pair, was paid back.

She DID tell her and was met with...wear the old lady shoes till they get worn out.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/08/2023 16:27

I wouldn’t be seen dead in Skechers. They’re incredibly old fashioned and something my mum might wear. I’m in my 50s and have chronic pain and fibromyalgia.

If you could afford new trainers for you dd you were very unreasonable. She doesn’t want to be bullied.

TomatoSandwiches · 23/08/2023 16:28

In our house she would have to pay for them out of pocket money AND an apology for lying and cutting up perfectly good trainers.
Or if she didn't apologise she would get a pair of basic supermarket trainers.

Marwoodsbigbreak · 23/08/2023 16:28

Skechers are for old folk like me!

She has made a mistake. I would tell her that if she admits the truth and makes it up to DDOG (lots of walks and cuddles) you will buy her the new trainers.

Bandyarsia · 23/08/2023 16:29

When I was 12 I would have covered the shoes in pedigree Chum and made the doc tear them to shreds with my feet still in them than start secondary school in a pair of sketchers. Have people no cop on.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/08/2023 16:29

Bandyarsia · 23/08/2023 16:27

She DID tell her and was met with...wear the old lady shoes till they get worn out.

Show quote history

Even worse, until she grows out of them. Unlikely as girls feet usually stop growing very young. My 15 yo dd has some bashed up old huaraches from year 5 or 6.

It is unsurprising she trashed the shoes. She wasn’t being listened to.