To be annoyed when people liken smacking a child to violence against women?

[ForestGoblin]

It's obviously not the same thing at all and quite insulting to women.

I'm not sure which is supposed to be "better"...

Both abhorrent.

Abusers have a tendency to justify abuse

The victim won't know. Both abhorrent.

I've never seen them compared and I suspect neither has OP, judging how they haven't come back.

I experienced both.

My mum was emotionally very volatile. She hated being a parent and took out her most extreme emotions on us. When she was incredibly angry, she would smack us. It never happened in a panicked situation but if we accidentally broke something or did something that made her really angry, she’d lift our dresses up and slap our thighs.

My dad was emotionally very repressed. He checked out of parenting but enjoyed situations in which he could frighten us (which of course his own father had done to him as a boy). He never actually laid a hand on us, but he made up a story that he had a weapon with nails driven into it, that was buried in the back garden where only hr could find it. He would threaten to go and get it whenever he felt our behaviour needed checking. Whenever we played a little too loudly, or knocked a table in standing up too excitedly.

I’d say on reflection that my dad has damaged me more than my mum, but both were absolutely dreadful to grow up around.

These are VERY extreme examples, of course, but it’s why I’m very black and white on smacking and ruling by threat of physical violence. I don’t believe in “loving smacks” - it’s oxymoronic.

Agree. It's always to prevent some harm to the child. Running into street, touching something dangerous, hurting a pet or child.

Abuse by males is about control and power as they see women as beneath them and hate them.

But you remember walking on eggshells. Going to bed feeling unloved, begging your mum not to tell your dad. This is already far worse.

I never had these feelings. I remember my childhood as feeling safe and If I crossed the line there was a consequence which was a slap round the legs/bum. It didn't always deter me as I was probably the naughtiest of my brother and sisters. That's the experience of my friends who grew up in the same era.

The only thing that makes me consider the argument is the fact I've never used smacking as a consequence. This is because of the culture now. Good parents speak with their children about what happened and why it was wrong. Consequences fit the behaviour etc.

What prompted you to write this thread? Did you honestly think people would minimise violence against children?

A smack is not always to prevent harm ….those don’t need to be smacks anyway…those should be done as blocks or restraints. You don’t need to smack a child hand to stop them touching a hot hob or pan, you simply gently restrain or block their reach or take whatever will harm them out of their reach. Running to street, you don’t smack them, you scoop them up or stop them with a full body hug. If they’re toddlers and do it constantly that’s what child reins are for? I have DC with autism and managed all that without smacking.

abuse by parents is also about control and power. You don’t need to hurt to prevent harm.

Insulting how? Interesting you’ve dropped that and never come back, when my dad kicked the crap out of me, walloped me round the head and damaged my heating and threatened me with a hot iron do you think that’s less than a husband or partner beating his wife? Both are hideous mindless violence but as a child I couldn’t get away, I had nowhere to go etc sorry if that’s insulting to you though..

I’ve also never heard it likened or felt they were the same etc?!

I definitely think the experience of being smacked by someone who has lost their temper is much worse. My mother was basically always angry and on the cusp of losing it. When she did, she did things like repeatedly hit me over the head with a large radio, kick a flute at me still in its case (so very heavy and hard!), and slap me round the face. It was much more violent and often unjustified- for example she slapped me because she was angry with my DB and he wasn't home, the same with the flute incident, and the radio incident was based on a misunderstanding. Her conscious discipline would involve being bent over her knee and smacked with a hand or hairbrush or wooden spoon. I know people here claim that is also abuse but she was only doing what was done to her when she was a child and it was in reaction to things that we all agree are naughty like running out into the road.

Both methods were scary and left marks and bruises, but being come at by a screeching, out of control, red-faced adult generally risks worse injuries i think. I also find being smacked for being in the road much easier to accept than the times where I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

She'd also routinely pinch my skin between her nails to get me to move faster and generally yank me around. Not abusive stuff but low level aggression used at all times to get us to do what she wanted. I hadn't even thought about that as part of her violence until someone on here posted that they had pinched their DD and people got up in arms about it. I was shocked as that seemed like nothing to me.

The infantalising point makes sense. I may have misunderstood the point the OP was trying to make.

Omg when does it change if your child is a girl (since you reference violence to women)

What age is it suddenly not ok?

I can only assume you hit your kids or your are protecting someone who does

Ah op is probably a fail journo or a goady fucker.

Probably both

There was a woman in the news who hit and kicked a horse and everyone who saw the video knew that was animal abuse

Why is hitting children ok?

At what point does a girl become a woman and it becomes not ok?

It's only ok to hit the little ones eh?

I can't be the only one reading this thread thinking about how I was smacked on the bum as a child (when i was bring a little shit) and feel that my mum was justified doing it, but also glad she did it as it curtailed the bad behaviour?

The lack of decent punishments is why there are so many unruly kids running around now with no respect for anyone, all this gently parenting is a load of crap and it is destroying society.

Bring back National Service, the 3 day week, and rickets!

We know better (or should do) than to parent through fear. It's cruel and it doesn't actually work.

There was a woman in the news who hit and kicked a horse and everyone who saw the video knew that was animal abuse

Why is hitting children ok?

At what point does a girl become a woman and it becomes not ok?

It's only ok to hit the little ones eh?
Bullies always pick on people weaker or more vulnerable than them.

Rightly or wrongly, and it will probably piss off the people on this thread who think hitting children is ok, what I hear when people minimise violence against children is "I'm either such a useless parent that the only way I have to promote decent behaviour is to hit my child... And then probably have the nerve to smack my child to tell them hitting is wrong, or I'm simply a bully who chooses fear and violence as a method of parenting".

Every generation seems to believe that the generations that come after them are worse behaved, work shy, ruder, lazier etc. In reality every generation had its problems. People learn things with time and seek to change things for the better with their own children.

Violence is violence. But enjoy your race to the bottom. There's no trauma trump card.

Another one who smacks her kids and wants to feel ok about it!

Violence is violence and meaningless phrases are meaningless phrases.
Still I'd rather be slapped than whipped.

@missmollygreen I'd rather gentle parent my children than them grow up experiencing trauma. There is never any reason to hit a child, ever. If you believe there is please get yourself onto a parenting course to learn a way to raise your child without physically abusing them.

@MisschiefMaker no that was abuse I'm afraid whether you want to believe it or not