To be annoyed when people liken smacking a child to violence against women?

[ForestGoblin]

It's obviously not the same thing at all and quite insulting to women.

Violence is violence and it has no place within a healthy relationship whether it's a romantic relationship or a parent-child relationship.
Agree with this.

Why anyone would think it's acceptable to be violent to a child is beyond me.

Anyone who says "I was smacked as a child and did didn't do me any harm" in the same breath as minimising violence against children shows it quite clearly did do some harm because they think violence against children is acceptable.

Anyone who says "I was smacked as a child and did didn't do me any harm" in the same breath as minimising violence against children shows it quite clearly did do some harm because they think violence against children is acceptable.

Yes this 100%. Anything that anyone says "never did them any harm" is probably not going to be something you should do to a child.

People who advocate smacking always seem to have children who are constantly running into the road and putting their fingers into electric sockets....

Physical violence is physical violence

@Sayitaintso33 I really don't. There is so much wrong with what you posted I wouldn't even know where to start with your views.

I also don't need to be told what to do. As others have said, violence is violence.

Anyone who says "I was smacked as a child and did didn't do me any harm" in the same breath as minimising violence against children shows it quite clearly did do some harm because they think violence against children is acceptable.

Were you smacked as a child? I was. I don't appreciate anyone telling me I was abused and to liken it to child abuse. It really is not close.

I would not sit and comfort an abused child/woman and say I completely understand. I myself was smacked as a child! It's laughable.

Violence is violence. Hitting someone be it an adult or a child is assault. Adults who claim that being smacked as a child did them no harm are seriously in denial.

A light smack by a 'loving' adult. There is nothing loving about physically assaulting someone. Plus, that is what domestic abusers say to the women they hit and abuse all the time. "I did it because I love you and you need to be taught a lesson and to understand that what you did is wrong."

I took OP mean that it's insulting to women because it's likening them to children. Not that smacking anyone is worse/ better than smacking anyone else.

I was smacked as a child and I remember lying in bed feeling so unloved and unwanted, feeling shame, feeling angry at myself for having caused it, feeling sad with myself for obviously being stupid/lazy/selfish/worthless because if I wasn't those things then people wouldn't want to smack me. It altered my behaviour but not in healthy ways, I was hyper-focused on "being good" to the point of feeling like I was walking on eggshells. If I did misbehave I would cry when I heard my dad's car pulling into the driveway and beg my mum not to tell him. As I got a little bit older, I didn't confide in my parents and I didn't seek their support even when I needed it because I was worried I'd get smacked, this included trying to hide a deep cut in my arm at the age of 9 because I had been playing somewhere I knew I wasn't allowed when it happened and I was worried I'd be smacked.

It was never "just a gentle smack from a loving parent", it was the feelings of shame, humiliation and worthlessness that came alongside it and it did impact me and my development. I have never hit my children and do think less of people who do, why would you want to make your child feel that way?

My mother told me she was smacked/hit as a child by her father. It definitely did her harm, she didn't understand why her mother didn't protect her. I was never smacked as a result.

I don't think children should be smacked. I once said that to a friend (this was before she had kids) and she said you can't reason with a two year old so if they are naughty what are you going to do? She was clearly going to smack them.

If you were smacked as a child. Yes you were abused, whether you like it or not. I actually think a parent hitting a child in a calm and controlled way is worse than in anger or fright. It's awful.
Why on earth would you want to physically harm somebody you are supposed to love and protect. I don't think people who smack their children in this day and age, deserve to be parents at all. Sorry if you don't like it.

Smacking is classified as an 'adverse childhood experience' (ACE). Children who are smacked are more likely to have behavioural problems including being more likely to lie and cover-up their behaviour, they are at greater risk of developing ongoing mental health problems such as depression and anxiety, they are more likely to take part in risky behaviours, more likely to abuse drugs or alcohol. The 'benefits' of smacking as a parenting strategy are zero while the negative outcomes associated with it are well researched and documented.

For me it’s worse, hitting a child than an adult, a child has literally no where to go and is completely unable to stop their abuser. Not to say hitting a woman isn’t heinous, but adults have options, children do not.

While it's still technically legal in England (not in Wales though) to use reasonable chastisement on a child you aren't allowed to mark a child, but general you cannot smack without leaving some sort of mark, even temporarily. So in essence you're on a sticky wicket if you smack a child.
Also it's not going to learn them anything. There's no difference in my opinion to striking anyone.
Let's face it, it's no longer cool or considered good parenting to smack.
I used to see it a lot, I hardly ever do now & I think most parents practice other techniques rather than physical force to discipline their children. That said we don't know what happens begin closed doors.

Even though it's legal to smack in England, I work in a school and smacking is always treated as a red flag. If a child says they've been smacked then it goes on a cause for concern form and is passed to the safeguarding lead for follow up.

I think hitting children is as rational and ok as hitting a frail, dependent person in their 90s. It's abuse of someone unable to easily escape. It's horrific.

I don't have data to prove this, but I expect that most of the parents in history have hit their children. If so, just about all of our ancestors will have been monsters.

Hitting your wife was acceptable for much of history too (in 1895 a law came in to legally limit the hours in which you could beat your wife so that the noise didn’t disturb your neighbours).

Just because something has been historically socially acceptable, doesn’t make it OK.

@Sayitaintso33 there's lots of things we used to do that we've learnt are harmful/don't work. It's not a valid argument for continuing to do or excuse something.

Smoking, drinking, letting kids fly around in the back of the car without seatbelts.

We learn, study, research and change. That's what life is and definitely in child development and parenting.

I look forward to the time when violence against children is completely outlawed without the silly exceptions we have now.

No, you are misinterpreting. I'm defending the parents that the majority of us had as children - who were loving,warm and engaged, but who occasionally gave their kids a smack because it was the norm, because they didn't know better, because they believed it was ok, or because they momentarily lost patience. Yes, it was the wrong approach. Yes it was humiliating (though so are a number of discipline methods used without question today). But to lump such parents in with people who beat and abused their children is absurd.

Obviously not, but equally calling most of our ancestors monsters is quite a step and one that perhaps demands some reflection.

It raises the suggestion that it might be us that has got it wrong. Or that is isn't as simple as saying violence against children is always wrong.

Why is it wrong to hit a child but acceptable to send one to their room. And if the child leaves the room is it acceptable to force him back in and lock the door? And if it isn't acceptable to force a child back in and lock the door what would we, as a society, do to a 15 year old boy who violently raped a girl?

I totally agree with this. It's horrific when you think about it.

My mum once slapped me in the face when I was about 13. I can't remember what it was for but I remember the incident CLEARLY. It sticks with you. I honestly did feel a bit different about our relationship afterwards. It was a big deal. It was the only time in my life that either of my parents ever hit me.
My DH had parents who believed in "spare the road and spoil the child" and was smacked regularly. Again he said it massively affects how he feels about his parents to this day and he hasn't really forgiven them. They deny it, or say "well it was only once or twice". I believe him though. And I don't actually even think they're actually lying on purpose. I think they've put it out of their minds because it's shameful.
I absolutely do not believe in slapping / smacking (hitting) kids (or anyone else!). No excuses.

Also - "I did it because I love you and you need to be taught a lesson and to understand what you did is wrong" is the message that all of us send whenever we discipline our kids in whatever manner. It isn't an abusive message per se. This is what I took to be the point of the OP - equating the treatment of children by their parents to wives by their husbands is infantilising to women. There are obviously things a loving parent does to their child that we'd never dream of doing to another adult. Personally, I've never hit a child and never intend to, but 'well you wouldn't do that to your wife' is not the reason!