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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m moving to Australia and no one cares

162 replies

aussierules1 · 22/08/2023 22:01

This is a pretty long story, but long story short I fell out with a girl in my friendship group. Shes very very headstrong and extroverted so naturally she’s been trying very hard to isolate me and it’s worked. Nothing sinister, we just clashed and don’t get on.

I was SUCH good friends with everyone, particularly one girl but since then, people have seemed really off with me.

In October I’m moving to Australia for 6 months. I put in a usually buzzing group chat that I’ll be planning on having some kind of party or night out before I go.
One girl replied out of 11 people. I was so hurt.
I then said that if no one’s up for it then it’s fine, and only one other girl replied.

i messaged her separately and said I felt shit, she told me not to worry and it’ll be fine. She then sent another two messages in the group chat on my behalf, encouraging everyone to respond.
They didn’t.

Eventually, my ‘best friend’ (who hasn’t spoken to me in a while because of the other girl I fell out with) simply said “not sure yet”.

Honestly I feel like saying not to bother to everyone. Should I? I only want people who want to be there.

Im so upset because we’ve always been so close, and now no one’s even fussed about seeing me off. I feel pathetic because my boyfriend is coming with me, and his friends are planning a surprise party. And I have nothing…

OP posts:
BMW6 · 22/08/2023 22:03

Walk away from them all. They are not true friends, so you have lost absolutely NOTHING of any value.

You are not pathetic. They are.

NancyJoan · 22/08/2023 22:05

I’m sorry. Fresh start, they don’t sound like friends to me

Original poster
aussierules1 · 22/08/2023 22:05

Thank you so much. I honestly feel so sad, I was crying on my boyfriends shoulder earlier. The two girls (and eventually one guy who I love to bits and is just shit at replying) that did reply have been really supportive and excited, but everyone else’s lack of responses has hurt so much.

i feel like responding to the “not sure yet” with something along the lines of not to bother coming if you’re not bothered…

OP posts:
Highdaysandholidays1 · 22/08/2023 22:05

It sounds like the whole friendship group has fallen in behind this other girl, but that does show they are not your good friends- they might have been a fun night out, but clearly they aren't solid dependable friends who care about your wellbeing (apart from the one that replied).

I'd go for a coffee with the one that replied, and use this break as an opportunity to ditch your non-friends and think about when you get back how you can make stronger better friends- large groups are often like this and I don't think they tend to stay together in the long term.

BMW6 · 22/08/2023 22:05

Oh and your "best friend" is a cunt, and always was.

SkaneTos · 22/08/2023 22:05

That sounds like a really difficult situation. I understand that you are hurt.
But you don't have nothing! You have a boyfriend! A life partner. That's pretty awesome.
And you will meet new friends in Australia.
Good Luck! Sounds like an amazing adventure!

Highdaysandholidays1 · 22/08/2023 22:06

If three people responded, though, make sure you do a lunch or meal out with them, it's not their fault the others are a bit awful, and don't take them for granted.

Redbushteaforme · 22/08/2023 22:06

Just forget about them and look forward to making new friends during your fab stay in Australia. Lucky you getting the chance to go there. I bet your so-called friends are green with envy!

nosyupnorth · 22/08/2023 22:07

I have sympathy for your feelings of isolation and the issues you're having around this falling out and it's repercussions on your friendship group.

But if somebody in my friend group was like 'we should have a party to celebrate me going on a fabulous trip (holiday?) that most people people could only dream of getting to do' I would also be like 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬 and hoping that somebody better at tact in awkward conversations than me could kindly point out to them how obnoxiously rubbing everyone's noses in it that could come across.

ABeesWings · 22/08/2023 22:08

They don’t sound like great friends if they can behave like that.
Focus on your move and the friends who have shown they care and forget the rest. You are about to start an exciting new chapter of your life, some of them might be jealous about that.

Elfandwellbeing · 22/08/2023 22:08

It’s awful when you feel that people around you don’t value you. However walk proud and enjoy your experience. They are probably envious anyway and you don’t need negative people in your life.

iffyi · 22/08/2023 22:10

nosyupnorth · 22/08/2023 22:07

I have sympathy for your feelings of isolation and the issues you're having around this falling out and it's repercussions on your friendship group.

But if somebody in my friend group was like 'we should have a party to celebrate me going on a fabulous trip (holiday?) that most people people could only dream of getting to do' I would also be like 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬 and hoping that somebody better at tact in awkward conversations than me could kindly point out to them how obnoxiously rubbing everyone's noses in it that could come across.

she’s moving there permanently, her suggesting a gathering with close friends who likely won’t see her again in years is hardly rubbing it in their faces!

Original poster
aussierules1 · 22/08/2023 22:10

It was more for me to spend time with them before I go… I didn’t mean for it to seem self-absorbed or anything. But they don’t seem bothered.
Will definitely do something with the 3 that replied as they are lovely and supportive

OP posts:
Elfandwellbeing · 22/08/2023 22:10

Be your best self. Don’t add a nasty comment it just drags you down. Say nothing.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 22/08/2023 22:11

I read it as the OP is moving there for 6 months?

HundredMilesAnHour · 22/08/2023 22:11

iffyi · 22/08/2023 22:10

she’s moving there permanently, her suggesting a gathering with close friends who likely won’t see her again in years is hardly rubbing it in their faces!

Show quote history

No she's not. She's only going for 6 months (that's she says in her opening post).

OleMioSole · 22/08/2023 22:11

iffyi · 22/08/2023 22:10

she’s moving there permanently, her suggesting a gathering with close friends who likely won’t see her again in years is hardly rubbing it in their faces!

Show quote history

No - only for 6 months. It's in the OP.
I know it's shit to have everyone turned against you OP but do you not think maybe they're not that fussed because you'll be coming back? How often do you see each other anyway?

Also as PP said waving you off to your exciting new life...well for 6 months... people might be a bit jealous and not happy for you as you're assuming. It's shit of them. But there you go

AlyssumandHelianthus · 22/08/2023 22:13

nosyupnorth · 22/08/2023 22:07

I have sympathy for your feelings of isolation and the issues you're having around this falling out and it's repercussions on your friendship group.

But if somebody in my friend group was like 'we should have a party to celebrate me going on a fabulous trip (holiday?) that most people people could only dream of getting to do' I would also be like 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬 and hoping that somebody better at tact in awkward conversations than me could kindly point out to them how obnoxiously rubbing everyone's noses in it that could come across.

This is quite a mean spirited approach! If a friend is going away for a while, it's normal to want to see them before they go.

iffyi · 22/08/2023 22:14

HundredMilesAnHour · 22/08/2023 22:11

No she's not. She's only going for 6 months (that's she says in her opening post).

Show quote history

oops clearly didn’t read it properly!

Smidge001 · 22/08/2023 22:15

@iffyi she's only going for 6 months actually.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 22/08/2023 22:15

Come out the group chat and block and delete them all. Seriously. This isn't high school anymore. This is pathetic and I can't stand it. It's happened to me before and what a relief it was to get rid of them. You'll make new, more amazing friends who will be like family and it will make you realise what true friendship really is.

I know it's hard right now, but this will just be another chapter in your book you will look back on and have learned a lesson.

You're about to start a new & amazing adventure. Don't let those who aren't celebrating with you spoil it.

Smidge001 · 22/08/2023 22:15

Cross post!

Original poster
aussierules1 · 22/08/2023 22:17

To be honest if I had a friend who was going travelling for 6 months I’d want to celebrate/see them off before they went. Fair enough if it’s not a huge deal but it’s just so hurtful that they all actively ignored me

OP posts:
cocksstrideintheevening · 22/08/2023 22:18

Tire not moving to Australia, it's 6 months. I understand why you be miffed though. Time to ditch them.

Original poster
aussierules1 · 22/08/2023 22:20

Thing is we say 6 months because that’s how long his work contract is, but we’re absolutely not ruling out the possibility of staying there so who knows

OP posts:
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