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AIBU?

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Original poster

I’m moving to Australia and no one cares

162 replies

aussierules1 · 22/08/2023 22:01

This is a pretty long story, but long story short I fell out with a girl in my friendship group. Shes very very headstrong and extroverted so naturally she’s been trying very hard to isolate me and it’s worked. Nothing sinister, we just clashed and don’t get on.

I was SUCH good friends with everyone, particularly one girl but since then, people have seemed really off with me.

In October I’m moving to Australia for 6 months. I put in a usually buzzing group chat that I’ll be planning on having some kind of party or night out before I go.
One girl replied out of 11 people. I was so hurt.
I then said that if no one’s up for it then it’s fine, and only one other girl replied.

i messaged her separately and said I felt shit, she told me not to worry and it’ll be fine. She then sent another two messages in the group chat on my behalf, encouraging everyone to respond.
They didn’t.

Eventually, my ‘best friend’ (who hasn’t spoken to me in a while because of the other girl I fell out with) simply said “not sure yet”.

Honestly I feel like saying not to bother to everyone. Should I? I only want people who want to be there.

Im so upset because we’ve always been so close, and now no one’s even fussed about seeing me off. I feel pathetic because my boyfriend is coming with me, and his friends are planning a surprise party. And I have nothing…

OP posts:
UncleHerbie · 22/08/2023 22:21

justanothermanicmonday1 · 22/08/2023 22:15

Come out the group chat and block and delete them all. Seriously. This isn't high school anymore. This is pathetic and I can't stand it. It's happened to me before and what a relief it was to get rid of them. You'll make new, more amazing friends who will be like family and it will make you realise what true friendship really is.

I know it's hard right now, but this will just be another chapter in your book you will look back on and have learned a lesson.

You're about to start a new & amazing adventure. Don't let those who aren't celebrating with you spoil it.

Agreed. You’ll be well rid.

Have fun in Australia

Remaker · 22/08/2023 22:22

I’ve had loads of friends head off overseas for an extended trip and of course I went to their farewell drinks/party. It’s not like you’re throwing a party to celebrate going on a two week holiday.

They sound like absolutely crap friends picking sides like that and acting like they’re 14. Time to move on I suggest. Go out for a nice night with the ones that have responded and ignore the rest. Don’t ask them again or respond with snarky messages. Just leave the group chat and be done with them.

LittleMonks11 · 22/08/2023 22:22

Why did you fall out with the ringleader girl?

MaggieBsBoat · 22/08/2023 22:23

They are not worth a moment’s thought. Sail off I to the sunset on your big adventure!

I’m moving to Australia and no one cares
Silvers11 · 22/08/2023 22:23

Highdaysandholidays1 · 22/08/2023 22:06

If three people responded, though, make sure you do a lunch or meal out with them, it's not their fault the others are a bit awful, and don't take them for granted.

Yes This!! They did reply - so go out with them and stuff the rest of them

Lovehearts82 · 22/08/2023 22:24

BMW6 · 22/08/2023 22:03

Walk away from them all. They are not true friends, so you have lost absolutely NOTHING of any value.

You are not pathetic. They are.

Absolutely this

Original poster
aussierules1 · 22/08/2023 22:24

The girl in question was just a really headstrong character and causing loads and loads of drama. I called her out on it and she went absolutely mental and cut me off completely

OP posts:
OleMioSole · 22/08/2023 22:24

aussierules1 · 22/08/2023 22:24

The girl in question was just a really headstrong character and causing loads and loads of drama. I called her out on it and she went absolutely mental and cut me off completely

You deserve better friends than this. Have a good trip!

whatausername · 22/08/2023 22:25

You're not moving. You're travelling. It's not a big deal really, lots of people travel.

Whether you move or not is irrelevant at this point, that's just an idea you're floating.

This friendship thing sounds disappointing but the whole situation sounds a bit immature to be honest. Meet up with the ones who replied and don't bother with the ones who didn't. Simple. Focus the rest of your energy on your adventure.

pizzaHeart · 22/08/2023 22:25

Do something nice with those who wants to get together and leave others to themselves. Don’t ask them anymore but don’t think that all of them are so bad (except your BF who is certainly a bitch)
I personally wouldn’t think that going away for 6 months is a big deal so might be not sure how to reply. Do you meet up often? Have you done something like this for others in your group in the past?

Hummingbird89 · 22/08/2023 22:26

Doesn’t matter if it’s permanent if not; if I wasn’t going to see my friend for 6 months I’d really miss her and want to give her a good send off. Your friends sound like shits op. I’m sorry 😢 do something fab with the 3 who have replied. I’d post a message to the others in the group telling them to fuck themselves sideways, personally.

ComtesseDeSpair · 22/08/2023 22:26

Are you sure this is about what you think it is? It sounds fairly unlikely that one woman - however “extroverted” - can manage to turn another ten women, including your best friend, against you to the extent they want nothing more to do with you, for no other reason than you clashed personalities a bit. It sounds more as though you may have said or done something, possibly without realising it’s upset or offended. Have you been particularly involved with your boyfriend to the detriment of friendships and / or preoccupied with this trip to Australia, and neglected / forgotten about something which was important to some of your friends? Have you asked your supposed best friend what’s wrong?

Ghostgirl77 · 22/08/2023 22:26

A good friend would be happy for you and not see it as “rubbing their nose in it” or whatever pp said.

Honestly OP, forget the lot of them and look forward to forming better friendships in future with people who actually deserve you.

NotTheSlugandLettuce · 22/08/2023 22:26

Also how many of them are in relationships? If you have a boyfriend and are making big commitments, going off travelling w with them and they aren't.. can bring things into sharp relief for others
Not sure how old
You are but the mention of the all the drama suggest young

It could be a case of the green eyed monster and you not realising that they are all feel like this is all about you?

LondonLovie · 22/08/2023 22:26

Spend time with the ones who want to see you. Don't do a big party, do a nice meal with the three who have replied they will come. On the night, Don't slag anyone off, be yourself and try and enjoy the company of those who turned up. There is no reason to push away those who are supporting you.

To the others? They can fuck off!

NotTheSlugandLettuce · 22/08/2023 22:27

And also it's not like it was ages ago with expensive calls etc
You can stay on the group chat (if you wish) and FaceTime etc
So just means no nights out together for a bit
Not that life changing really

NotTheSlugandLettuce · 22/08/2023 22:28

Or maybe they are all planning you a surprise and you have ruined it?
Curveball!!?

Original poster
aussierules1 · 22/08/2023 22:28

I never said it was life changing, I just expected my friends to want to see me before I go.. 🙁

OP posts:
natura · 22/08/2023 22:29

nosyupnorth · 22/08/2023 22:07

I have sympathy for your feelings of isolation and the issues you're having around this falling out and it's repercussions on your friendship group.

But if somebody in my friend group was like 'we should have a party to celebrate me going on a fabulous trip (holiday?) that most people people could only dream of getting to do' I would also be like 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬 and hoping that somebody better at tact in awkward conversations than me could kindly point out to them how obnoxiously rubbing everyone's noses in it that could come across.

'Obnoxiously rubbing everyone's noses in it'?

Is that honestly how you operate?

Surely being happy for your friends when exciting things happen for them is just very base-level friendship?

I'd absolutely throw a party if a friend of mine was getting to do something that most people couldn't only dream of getting to do. I'd be thrilled for her!

hot2trotter · 22/08/2023 22:31

I would ditch them and make new friends.

OhComeOnFFS · 22/08/2023 22:33

That trip sounds so exciting and I imagine a lot of them feel a bit jealous.

It seems as though the others have decided it's safer to stick on the side of the one who's fallen out with you. It's very disappointing when friends do that.

Have a fantastic time. Those friends will have fallen out with her by the time you get back.

Cowlover89 · 22/08/2023 22:33

Focus on the one who do care. Fuck the rest!

Thisismeyeah · 22/08/2023 22:34

Dont block or delete them just ignore them. If you come back, great you may find you reconnect with some of them and that they miss you. If you dont come back, well you wont see them again anyway so you have nothing to loose. Is it possible that they were planning something seperatly and so you asking has made it a bit awkward. What are their circumstances do they have kids' or commitments which make lastin nights out difficult.

crystal1983 · 22/08/2023 22:34

They sound like arseholes

do something with the three who have replied.

cut the others out of your life. If you come back after the 6 months then you’ll find other people to spend time with, and if you stay in Australia you’ll be making new friends anyway. Good luck, sounds like a great adventure!

Hummingbird89 · 22/08/2023 22:35

@natura totally agree. Absolute sad nobheads who would be jealous of a mate moving to aus for 6 months. Who needs enemies, hey?

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