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AIBU?

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Original poster

I’m moving to Australia and no one cares

162 replies

aussierules1 · 22/08/2023 22:01

This is a pretty long story, but long story short I fell out with a girl in my friendship group. Shes very very headstrong and extroverted so naturally she’s been trying very hard to isolate me and it’s worked. Nothing sinister, we just clashed and don’t get on.

I was SUCH good friends with everyone, particularly one girl but since then, people have seemed really off with me.

In October I’m moving to Australia for 6 months. I put in a usually buzzing group chat that I’ll be planning on having some kind of party or night out before I go.
One girl replied out of 11 people. I was so hurt.
I then said that if no one’s up for it then it’s fine, and only one other girl replied.

i messaged her separately and said I felt shit, she told me not to worry and it’ll be fine. She then sent another two messages in the group chat on my behalf, encouraging everyone to respond.
They didn’t.

Eventually, my ‘best friend’ (who hasn’t spoken to me in a while because of the other girl I fell out with) simply said “not sure yet”.

Honestly I feel like saying not to bother to everyone. Should I? I only want people who want to be there.

Im so upset because we’ve always been so close, and now no one’s even fussed about seeing me off. I feel pathetic because my boyfriend is coming with me, and his friends are planning a surprise party. And I have nothing…

OP posts:
2021x · 22/08/2023 23:57

Man, it hurts in ways you didnt know was possible- doesn't it? Makes you question your worth as a human being- it's a rubbish feeling. Think of it this way if you were getting married/having a baby, you would also have a similar response. Some people would drop off because your shared focus has now changed.

In addition, some people are generally struggling in life, and others are not, therefore significant life changes have a more balanced response. The pandemic has shaken everyone's foundations, so we are all a bit low on empathy collectively being happy for people much harder. Sorry to say, as a "single" person, you are very much down the bottom of the list of people to celebrate- I speak from experience.

Australia is a fantastic adventure- I recommend you go remote for at least some time. You will notice that some people put you on mute or leave your social media, but I also put people on mute when all they post about their wedding/ children, because even though extremely interesting to them, to me not so much, and that is just as OK as them muting me for posting fantastic views and experiences.

Get all the hurt and pain out now, enjoy the people who are going to miss you, and remember this is less about you than you think.

IWantOutDoI · 23/08/2023 00:02

By the way, 6 months is not “moving to Australia” is “spending a few months in Australia” there is a big difference between them.

echt · 23/08/2023 00:13

IWantOutDoI · 23/08/2023 00:02

By the way, 6 months is not “moving to Australia” is “spending a few months in Australia” there is a big difference between them.

While this is true, in terms of what the thread is about, i.e. the hurt feelings of the OP, it's a quibble.

Have a wonderful time, OP. Leave the group chat and keep up with the ones who replied to you.

Aprilx · 23/08/2023 00:30

They aren’t your friends any more, for whatever reason, not all friendships are intended to last forever. I don’t believe that one person could possibly convince ten other adults not to be friends with another and you are overly focused on that. Don’t post any “don’t bother” type messages, you are only embarrassing yourself. Forget about them. Enjoy your trip. Look to reset things, i.e. find new interests and friends, when you are back.

Threenow · 23/08/2023 00:33

I agree. Step away from these people and don't contact them again.

Although, could they possibly be planning something to say goodbye to you and are keeping it as a surprise? Maybe not, and if not, my previous comment stands.

Have a fantastic time in Australia.

hellywelly3 · 23/08/2023 00:36

Something similar happened to me regards the friendship group. I was really angry/upset at the time. But now I’m grateful I got rid of a load of shit friends in one sweep.

UpaladderwatchingTV · 23/08/2023 00:50

Life really IS too short to get upset about people behaving like this OP. I totally get why you're upset, but don't waste another moment thinking about it. Enjoy your last night out with the friends who do want to get together, and then look forward to the huge new adventure and opportunity that life is giving you. Who knows what will happen while you're in Aus. I know a young couple who went out there to visit family, an opportunity came up for them to try farming out there, which they absolutely loved. They made themselves so indispensable to the farmer, that when he had to head back to his home country for several months because a close relative became very sick, he left them in sole charge, and now they run a place of their own, and are raising their children there. All of this came from a 6 week holiday, so forget these negative, childish people, and move on to the next stage of your life. I hope you have a wonderful time!

feelingfree17 · 23/08/2023 01:08

Not true friends. Your world will open up once you are in Australia, and you will make life long friendships. There is probably an element of jealousy in there too.

SequinsandStiIettos · 23/08/2023 01:29

Good luck OP Shamrock
Go out with the three who responded, ditch the flaky best friend, maybe boyfriend and a few of his mates can join you on your night out x

telestrations · 23/08/2023 01:35

This happend to me when I moved to Canada for a year or two, eight years ago.

Hardly anyone bothered to come to our leaving party or see us. Ended up running round to see everyone while moving country, and most seemed very non-plussed. Then once we left hardly a birthday or Christmas card or message.

It felt dreadful, but then after we came back to visit it was a massive fuss. I think most just didn't realize that we were moving and likely not coming back.

WandaWonder · 23/08/2023 01:40

You are having a 6 month holiday, sure I am happy to attend any party but I don't have expectations on people you have expected something and they have not delivered so they are in the wrong?

Could it be you were expecting too much?

WongWifi · 23/08/2023 01:41

What awful friends. Use your moving to Australia (even if only for six months) as a clean break from all the drama and a chance to start anew. Remove yourself quietly from the group chat and be very reticent about ever belonging to another group chat again. I think they're a minefield and best avoided.

And next time a queen bee is creating havoc, don't say a word - just quietly move on. Never invite drama into your life if you can avoid it.

fromthbottomofmyheart · 23/08/2023 02:12

Bye.

Jokes aside, you will be in a better place than they are in austerity Britain. Enjoy the golden beaches and affluent culture Wink

Angrywife · 23/08/2023 02:35

Personally I'd leave the chat group and arrange to meet up with any that bothered to contact me separately

DeeCeeCherry · 23/08/2023 03:08

So go out for a drink with the 2 girls and 1 guy. What's wrong with that? Better than crying and moping over others who aren't interested in you. Yes you're understandingly upset but at this point you're giving them way too much headspace when you could be with people who are friends. Forget negative people and focus on positive.

Planesmistakenforstars · 23/08/2023 03:21

I'm so sorry OP, it's shit and it hurts. But you have an amazing experience to look forward to, a loving partner and a couple of good friends. You're not going to have a big party, but that's a good thing because now you know that most people in the group aren't really your friends. You're going to have a great evening out with a small group of people that you know care about you. That's far better!

Qilin · 23/08/2023 03:27

nosyupnorth · 22/08/2023 22:07

I have sympathy for your feelings of isolation and the issues you're having around this falling out and it's repercussions on your friendship group.

But if somebody in my friend group was like 'we should have a party to celebrate me going on a fabulous trip (holiday?) that most people people could only dream of getting to do' I would also be like 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬 and hoping that somebody better at tact in awkward conversations than me could kindly point out to them how obnoxiously rubbing everyone's noses in it that could come across.

You'd really think that about your friend?
Most people would be pleased that their friend had such an exciting opportunity ime.

My Dd had just had an amazing opportunity in a king of similar way but all her family and friends were buzzing for her.

A colleague has a similar opportunity about to start in a few weeks time. Everyone appeared to be really pleased for her.

Qilin · 23/08/2023 03:35

TogetherInEclecticDreams · 22/08/2023 22:59

You're not moving. I've been on longer holidays...

A move can be temporary.
It's also not a holiday from what the op says - it's moving temporarily a long way away for several months due to her partners work commitments.

And for most people a holiday is 1-3 weeks, not 6 months.

Lucky you for being able to afford the time and money for 6+ month holidays. It's not the norm for lost though.

NewNextOfKin · 23/08/2023 03:58

Groups can be problematic as frankly it's unlikely that you are equally close to all the people. This starts to show at some point.

Cantbelieveit101 · 23/08/2023 04:23

Forget them, come to Australia and have the best time!

ALittleTeawithmilk · 23/08/2023 05:17

The friend who is turning your other friends against you is awful . And if those friends are being so easily turned, they aren’t worth knowing. That would be hurtful.

But going overseas for 6 months and wanting a celebration/send off is a bit over the top in my opinion. (I know we are all different).

But I never did understand ‘bon voyage’ parties and welcome home parties just for extended holidays. It’s has to be quite a bit longer than 6 months for me to be interested. There’s too much happening in life, and too many demands on our time and energy as it is.

Lunch or dinner or a few drinks with the ones who have expressed interest sounds lovely.

6 months in Aus! A whole new era for you. Best of wishes:

Prettypaisleyslippers · 23/08/2023 06:58

Your “no one cares” headline is a bit mid leading, a bunch of girls don’t seem to care, I’m sure other people, especially your family care a huge deal.

Defiantjazz · 23/08/2023 07:02

But if somebody in my friend group was like 'we should have a party to celebrate me going on a fabulous trip (holiday?) that most people people could only dream of getting to do' I would also be like 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬 and hoping that somebody better at tact in awkward conversations than me could kindly point out to them how obnoxiously rubbing everyone's noses in it that could come across.

So you’d be jealous? That’s your problem isn’t it?

SomewhereWithSomeone · 23/08/2023 07:06

But if somebody in my friend group was like 'we should have a party to celebrate me going on a fabulous trip (holiday?) that most people people could only dream of getting to do' I would also be like 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬 and hoping that somebody better at tact in awkward conversations than me could kindly point out to them how obnoxiously rubbing everyone's noses in it that could come across.

Fucking hell. This is horrible.

I’m pleased when my friends get to do nice things, which I think is normal and a healthy way to be. I can’t imagine being so bitter about anyone, certainly not friends that I love.

molotovcupcakes · 23/08/2023 07:30

This happened to my child, someone joined their group and kicked them out of the group. Then, when my child left they picked on someone else, then someone else, etc it has become unrecognisable.
I don’t think you’ll be the last.