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Original poster

I’m moving to Australia and no one cares

162 replies

aussierules1 · 22/08/2023 22:01

This is a pretty long story, but long story short I fell out with a girl in my friendship group. Shes very very headstrong and extroverted so naturally she’s been trying very hard to isolate me and it’s worked. Nothing sinister, we just clashed and don’t get on.

I was SUCH good friends with everyone, particularly one girl but since then, people have seemed really off with me.

In October I’m moving to Australia for 6 months. I put in a usually buzzing group chat that I’ll be planning on having some kind of party or night out before I go.
One girl replied out of 11 people. I was so hurt.
I then said that if no one’s up for it then it’s fine, and only one other girl replied.

i messaged her separately and said I felt shit, she told me not to worry and it’ll be fine. She then sent another two messages in the group chat on my behalf, encouraging everyone to respond.
They didn’t.

Eventually, my ‘best friend’ (who hasn’t spoken to me in a while because of the other girl I fell out with) simply said “not sure yet”.

Honestly I feel like saying not to bother to everyone. Should I? I only want people who want to be there.

Im so upset because we’ve always been so close, and now no one’s even fussed about seeing me off. I feel pathetic because my boyfriend is coming with me, and his friends are planning a surprise party. And I have nothing…

OP posts:
Tilep · 23/08/2023 07:57

It’s weird that no one responded, including your closest friend. Does seem like you’ve been frozen out, for one reason or another.
I wouldn’t be begging for any crumbs - if you go digging for ‘why’, you’re likely not going to like the answer.

Also in response to others.. it’s not weird to suggest going for a drink with your group of friends before you go away for 6 months/potentially longer.

Tilep · 23/08/2023 07:57

P.s go to Oz and have a fabulous time 😊 meet some new people

Pottedpalm · 23/08/2023 08:02

nosyupnorth · 22/08/2023 22:07

I have sympathy for your feelings of isolation and the issues you're having around this falling out and it's repercussions on your friendship group.

But if somebody in my friend group was like 'we should have a party to celebrate me going on a fabulous trip (holiday?) that most people people could only dream of getting to do' I would also be like 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬 and hoping that somebody better at tact in awkward conversations than me could kindly point out to them how obnoxiously rubbing everyone's noses in it that could come across.

So you can only be a supportive friend as long as their lives are shittier than yours. Great.

Saverage · 23/08/2023 11:28

I get you OP. In my 20s I went to Australia with the intention 6+ months (ended up being 18 months). My 'best' friend decided not to come to my leaving drinks - no reason, just didn't fancy it. It was a penny drop moment that she really wasn't a good friend, and I didn't pick up the friendship again when I got home.

Original poster
aussierules1 · 29/08/2023 19:13

Just an update… turns out they’ve all made a new group chat without me. They’ve all just turned their back on me without even having the balls to approach me first if they had a problem, it’s all so weird.

Meanwhile I’m currently helping to plan my boyfriend’s surprise send-off.

I’m going to have no one to even say goodbye to and I feel like absolute crap

OP posts:
justasking111 · 29/08/2023 19:17

You'll be back in half a year and they'll have fallen out with someone else by then.

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/08/2023 19:19

Whaaaat? What about the three who replied previously?

Original poster
aussierules1 · 29/08/2023 19:20

One of them is the one who told me about it - she’s still acting normal. One is a guy who is so carefree he probably has no idea about any of it 😂 and the last one has stopped replying…

OP posts:
Tirediam · 29/08/2023 19:25

See, I’d have to be childish and drop some truth bombs and then leave the chat- is everyone still in the other chat that you’re in?
Id say something like- “really hurtful that my friends have turned my back on me, for calling out Xxxx on doing Xxx when you were all saying the same as me. The stuff you’ve said about her is shocking but you must be lovely to her face because … ?
Just be careful as next time it may be you ejected from the group because of one woman’s tantrum.
Very excited to make grown up non cliquey friends in Australia. Bye”

Original poster
aussierules1 · 29/08/2023 19:28

See it’s funny because they were all saying the same as me at one point. I didn’t make it into a drama but suddenly she did, and not one person has approached me since. It’s so hurtful

OP posts:
Tirediam · 29/08/2023 19:34

Do you have anything on your phone to screen shot? I’d be sending those as well…

Positive41 · 29/08/2023 20:00

nosyupnorth · 22/08/2023 22:07

I have sympathy for your feelings of isolation and the issues you're having around this falling out and it's repercussions on your friendship group.

But if somebody in my friend group was like 'we should have a party to celebrate me going on a fabulous trip (holiday?) that most people people could only dream of getting to do' I would also be like 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬 and hoping that somebody better at tact in awkward conversations than me could kindly point out to them how obnoxiously rubbing everyone's noses in it that could come across.

What an awful attitude to have.

So you would be jealous because a friend is going away for a great adventure. You couldn't be happy for her? Wish her well?

Nasty

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/08/2023 20:03

Oh yeeeeaaaah screenshot the others comments about drama woman and send to the group chat. Put the cat amongst the pigeons and then swan off to Oz.

Fuckers.

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/08/2023 20:03

Ps and you have two friends to have a farewell drink with!

RedHelenB · 29/08/2023 20:30

It's only 6 months though. I think yabu expecting a big send off

Daphnis156 · 29/08/2023 20:35

6 months is just a holiday.
I was in Sydney 4 months, but it could hardly be said I "Lived in Sydney", or had "Moved to Sydney"

Anyway enjoy Australia, and see the country- not just some office in Melbourne I hope.

Beautiful3 · 29/08/2023 20:36

I would value that friend who stepped forward. Plan something crazy with her and enjoy the day.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/08/2023 20:41

Highdaysandholidays1 · 22/08/2023 22:06

If three people responded, though, make sure you do a lunch or meal out with them, it's not their fault the others are a bit awful, and don't take them for granted.

I agree

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/08/2023 20:42

I would start a new group chat with the nice ones that replied and plan a fun night with them let them know you appreciate them!

And send you Australia updates to that group chat not the other one

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/08/2023 20:43

Also the 'we'll see' if you don't have a date yet even is very rude- 'I hope I can make it let me know when you decide a date' or 'I'm not up for nights out but would love a coffee before you go' are only acceptable replies

JaneyGee · 29/08/2023 21:39

BMW6 · 22/08/2023 22:05

Oh and your "best friend" is a cunt, and always was.

Indeed. And your friends are pathetic, gutless cowards. God, I cannot bear people like that. I mean people who follow the herd even when they know it’s wrong. Hope you find some better friends in Oz.

sunshinenshower · 29/08/2023 21:57

aussierules1 · 29/08/2023 19:28

See it’s funny because they were all saying the same as me at one point. I didn’t make it into a drama but suddenly she did, and not one person has approached me since. It’s so hurtful

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It's absolutely horrible. They are all pathetic.

It happened to me. There was a matriarch figure in the group, I dared to challenge her when she was being out of line, she decided I should be dropped from the group and the others followed her like pathetic little sheep. Like you, a second group chat was set up without me and it was humiliating to realise I'd been chatting away on the group as normal while they were already moving on without me.

Absolutely fuck them all. Go to Oz and enjoy every minute. Block them all. Nasty pathetic bullies. They are not worth another minute of your time.

Lbym197 · 29/08/2023 22:05

They sound so toxic. I had so-called friends who behaved in a similar way. I am glad I no longer have to see them. Good luck with Australia and enjoy yourself. I've just come back from abroad where I witnessed a group of "friends" having lunch. One girl was meant to be taking a pic of her mates and they were posing but she was actually taking a selfie and not telling them. Some people are shits.

Waterlillyflower · 29/08/2023 22:16

aussierules1 · 22/08/2023 22:05

Thank you so much. I honestly feel so sad, I was crying on my boyfriends shoulder earlier. The two girls (and eventually one guy who I love to bits and is just shit at replying) that did reply have been really supportive and excited, but everyone else’s lack of responses has hurt so much.

i feel like responding to the “not sure yet” with something along the lines of not to bother coming if you’re not bothered…

Rise above.
Those twats not worth it.

So pathetic n insecure they follow like sheep.

Who wants losers like that as friends.

Kick them to the kerb girl.

Block them and have a small goodbye with the ones that responded.

One who said not sure yet just send a 🖕

Missflowers1981 · 29/08/2023 22:22

I know it may hurt but you are probably better off without them and in about 2-3 months time in your new life they will seem irrelevant. Because you will meet new people, socialise with them and forge a totally new life. I’ve lived abroad and the people who were strangers there when I first moved ended up being my close friends for that time period I was there.

Having also moved several times I had friends who I spent every day with and when I left yes we gradually didn’t contact each other as much but still keep in touch. I often find this happens if you and they move around frequently but it’s nothing personal just happens to be where you are living.

I’ll add that from long past experiences -I find large friendship groups can often cause issues/drama which is why I prefer socialising with two/three at a time now and connect better with much smaller groups or 1:1. I find these for me are much more meaningful.