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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I want to downsize but stepson will not move his stuff

181 replies

Jacqui189 · 22/08/2023 21:36

I am a widow of 1 year and live alone. I don't need a 4 bed house with a big garden and would like to downsize. Problem is 33 yr old stepson filled the garage and carport with old heavy machinery he planned to use for a business that never got off the ground. I keep on asking him to get rid of it so I can sell the house but he is ignoring me. What can I do?

OP posts:
Greenshed · 24/08/2023 22:18

Dump it in his garden, if need be!

purplegreen99 · 25/08/2023 10:39

Jacqui189 · 22/08/2023 21:39

Then I risk losing the only member of my husbands family who still keeps in contact with me. He is a nice man but everything is do tomorrow

Don’t do it in a confrontational way. Maybe he’s stressed, disorganised, grieving. Could you say ‘can you come over on
x date for dinner and we’ll have a look at that stuff in the garage and work out what to do.’ Encourage him to see the positives - cash from selling the stuff, moving on with your lives, etc. Make sure he knows he’ll still be family and welcome at your new place - maybe he’s worried/upset about letting go of his dad’s home? I realise he’s an adult and should deal with it himself, and you’re dealing with your own grief, which must be hard enough, but managing him a bit now may be better for your longer term relationship with him?

ImtheFlag · 25/08/2023 11:32

Jacqui189 · 22/08/2023 21:39

Then I risk losing the only member of my husbands family who still keeps in contact with me. He is a nice man but everything is do tomorrow

In which case, you suck it up and continue being a doormat living somewhere you don't want to.

LlynTegid · 25/08/2023 11:36

He needs a deadline, however it is put. You want to put the house up for sale before darker nights/winter etc, could be an example.

People who cannot meet deadlines or respond in time may be pleasant, but it is not a nice trait.

Crinklecutchips1 · 25/08/2023 11:42

Tohaveandtohold · 23/08/2023 09:35

I don’t understand all the people saying to issue lawyers letter, etc, step son is also family and has lost his dad. From what op has said, it didn’t sound like he has malicious intent, it’s like a procrastinator and a hoarder and as he’s not living in the house, he’s not making that a priority.
If I’m in OP’s shoe, I’ll put the house on the market and let him know. When it’s sold, I’ll also let him know and tell him he’ll have to move his things by the time you exchange as otherwise, will he want it to the tip with everything else you’ll be disposing of since you can’t leave them in the house and can’t take it with you. He’ll know things are final and will sort his things out definitely

I agree

VeraMay · 27/08/2023 14:16

Give him written notice to clear his stuff then put it on Facebook Marketplace to sell, or get a clearance company in, although that will cost you.
My DD wouldn't take her things so I have sorted, recycled, binned, charity shop and sold. I know that probably sounds harsh but there is only so much a small house can hold.

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