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Original poster

I want to downsize but stepson will not move his stuff

181 replies

Jacqui189 · 22/08/2023 21:36

I am a widow of 1 year and live alone. I don't need a 4 bed house with a big garden and would like to downsize. Problem is 33 yr old stepson filled the garage and carport with old heavy machinery he planned to use for a business that never got off the ground. I keep on asking him to get rid of it so I can sell the house but he is ignoring me. What can I do?

OP posts:
Cynicaltheorist · 23/08/2023 10:57

Jacqui189 · 22/08/2023 21:39

Then I risk losing the only member of my husbands family who still keeps in contact with me. He is a nice man but everything is do tomorrow

OK then, there's nothing you're willing to do to sort out this very straightforward issue. You're just here for a grumble.

Obviously the fact that the garage and carport are filled with unsightly items of heavy equipment will put many people off viewing and buying your house and they may insist that everything is removed before they exchange contracts so they're not left with the problem. It may mean your SS will cost you thousands. But if you can afford to lose the money then so be it.

frozencarlotta · 23/08/2023 10:58

Jacqui189 · 22/08/2023 21:39

Then I risk losing the only member of my husbands family who still keeps in contact with me. He is a nice man but everything is do tomorrow

Do you really want to keep in contact with someone who treats you like this? Like you are not important?

Just say - I'm moving, do you want me to dispose of your stuff as I cannot take it with me?

frozencarlotta · 23/08/2023 10:59

JustAnotherUsey · 22/08/2023 21:52

Put your house on the market. When it's sold tell him he needs to get it moved before completion. If he doesn't move it by X date, tell him you'll have to get rid of it.

this works

RiverDulas · 23/08/2023 11:01

ImABox · 23/08/2023 10:54

I think this might be an option for the OP to keep the relationship and move on. Only pay for 3 months up front and tell him that’s it and get someone to move it so he knows you’re serious. Easy to say just send him a letter/sell it.

Show quote history

What happens after three months? op could be left paying the storage fees infinitim. In many ways, that’s just delaying the inevitable, ie, stepson has to sort his stuff out. If op stops paying, she’ll be responsible for emptying the storage unit, so exactly the same situation.

WisherWood · 23/08/2023 11:02

If you want to keep the peace, I'd frame it as the estate agent asking for the stuff to be moved, rather than you. So just 'Hi John. As I've previously mentioned, I'm putting the house on the market. The EA is keen for it to be as tidy and clear as possible. To that end, a scrap metal merchant will be coming on [date one month from now] to remove your machinery, unless you collect it before then.'

You can add stuff about reason for sale etc and I'm assuming the house is entirely yours to sell. If he has a stake in it, that's rather different. And then I really would get the scrap metal merchant in on that date. The stuff is causing a rift - but that's his doing, not yours.

ImABox · 23/08/2023 11:02

RiverDulas · 23/08/2023 11:01

What happens after three months? op could be left paying the storage fees infinitim. In many ways, that’s just delaying the inevitable, ie, stepson has to sort his stuff out. If op stops paying, she’ll be responsible for emptying the storage unit, so exactly the same situation.

Show quote history

I thought that if you stopped paying the storage people then owned the contents and could sell on, I got it wrong.

Genevieva · 23/08/2023 11:08

Can you have a sensible conversation with him in which you give him options?

E.g. you tell him you plan to put the house on the market next spring, so you would like the machinery gone by the end of January. What would he prefer to do:

  1. Remove the machinery himself. He can then choose to keep it elsewhere or sell it.
  2. Let you get a scrap metal dealer take it away.
  3. Any other ideas he has.
He can’t complain at that. It gives him plenty of time and choice.
RiverDulas · 23/08/2023 11:09

Just had a quick look at a national storage site. Any goods left after the termination date are considered abandoned and the company can get rid of them, so you are right.

AllyCart · 23/08/2023 11:09

DatumTarum · 23/08/2023 08:11

You're basing this on what?

Show quote history

Err... the law?

RiverDulas · 23/08/2023 11:11

Although I fear op will keep paying to keep the peace, or because stepson will sort something next week, month etc…

BarbaraofSeville · 23/08/2023 11:15

But what is the law?

The DSS has abandoned goods at the OPs property without her agreement/permission - she may have agreed to store them for a few weeks/months but if he had said at the beginning 'can I leave these things here for a year/longer' the OP would likely have said no. So the initial agreement is no longer valid.

Is she expected to store them ad infinitum because she doesn't have his express permission to dispose of them and yet he won't remove them?

At some point the law has to agree that these items can be removed by the OP or else people would be dumping crap all over the place and if anyone moved it they'd be able to claim that they were entitled to do so and anyone who moved them was stealing/interfering with their property.

AzureBlue99 · 23/08/2023 11:17

Tell him you will cut him out of your will if he doesn't shift it.

knobheed99 · 23/08/2023 11:21

Just have a conversation with him.
Set out the timescale - when you are putting the house on the market, when the stuff needs to be gone by.
Tell him to move it by X date. Keep reminding him - 2 weeks to go until the stuff needs to be moved. If he isn't making any noises about moving it by then, then tell him it needs to be gone by X or you will get a scrap metal dealer in to remove it all. I maybe wouldn't mention that straight off because he probably then won't bother moving it or phoning a dealer himself or arranging disposal because he knows you will do it if he doesn't by X date. Give him a chance to move it first to save you the hassle. Then warn him you will be disposing of it and if it still hasn't gone, get rid of it.
He obviously doesn't want it any more and can't be arsed to deal with it.

TeeBee · 23/08/2023 11:22

My ex did this when we divorced. Left his crap in my shed for two years! I booked a man with a van to come and move everything to the tip. I told him two days ahead of time what I was doing. He soon came round to shift it. With some people, its not a priority until it affects them.
You don't need to fall out over over it, just say breezily 'right, I have a man coming to tip everything in the garage on X date. If there's anything you want to keep, take it, otherwise it will go'.

Helterskeltersunseeker · 23/08/2023 11:23

I would suggest

Get some estate agents to value property

Put property up for sale

Inform SS, that his stuff will need to be removed asap

Inform estate agents that property will be empty on date of exit

FarFarAwayB · 23/08/2023 11:26

I am sorry for your loss. I was widowed and just came on to say that you are still ‘early days’ after your husband’s death. Moving house is very stressful, yet another huge life changing event. Take your time, do your sums. Do your homework on the areayou might like to move into. Use a proper solicitor not a conveyancing firm.

Definitely get SS to collect his stuff.

Having said that, I moved 3 years after DH died. Big upheaval but it was the right thing for me. Before moving I decluttered, redecorated, changed curtains etc .

That helped me settle back into my new life and certainly helped sell the place.

Talk to estate agents - I got to see lots of houses that weren’t on the open market probably because mine was also sold ‘quietly’ and realised that estate agents worked lot like that.

Can’t emphasise enough the importance of doing your sums.

Good luck and hugs.
FFA xx

SoupDragon · 23/08/2023 11:30

curaçao · 23/08/2023 10:08

But I think very pertinent to the situation.

Show quote history

No, you've just made stuff up based on no information at all and been nasty to someone who lost their DH a year ago.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 23/08/2023 11:41

Jacqui189 · 22/08/2023 21:39

Then I risk losing the only member of my husbands family who still keeps in contact with me. He is a nice man but everything is do tomorrow

Sorry for your loss.
Just re read your post and its not only in the garage but in the car port too! I can see why that would make it difficult to sell the house!.

I know people like this and he's probably not doing it on purpose. He had a great idea about the business which he was quite motivated about - enough to collect allthe stuff in the first place - but then he couldn't get to the start point. This is probably why he hasn't managed to get his act together to move it.

It probably seems like such a massive job that he doesn't know where to start and daily life is so busy its tomorrow tomorrow. Also perhaps he hasn't yet relinquished his idea of the business.

However, you can't afford not to get the ball rolling, but I think if you want to save the relationship you have to make it realistic for him. It sounds like he's the kind of person with good intentions but needs prodding to get moving.

Would it help to break it into two parts and give two dates... One early date to move (and then clean) the car port as the most immediate obstacle.. and a second date to clear the garage. He might find it easier to contemplate doing it in stages and once he's done the car port, the garage may not seem as big a job because he'll have already started if you see what I mean.

Perhaps do a bit of real research on his behalf ... so that its not just saying out by x date... if he doesn't know where to start that might just mean he continues to do nothing ..

But if you pointed out to him that to move and put his stuff into storage would cost xyz... and that if he'd stored it instead of leaving it with you it would have cost him zyx so you have already saved him that much and allowed him to keep his options open but now you want your storage space back.

The trouble is selling something is always more time consuming than chucking it or moving it. So that is probably daunting for him too.
You can point out that having it sitting there and deteriorating is just losing value for him and he'd be better off getting some of the value back now.

Would it be possible to find out where buyers for that sort of thing are, and how much he could get for it.. or a quote for moving and storage...

At least that would give him a starting point and you'd soon see how co-operative he was if he responded to your helpful and researched suggestions.

It may be a pain but at least it would be realistically starting the process but you can also set a timeframe because everyone works better with a deadline. Also puts the focus on him sorting his stuff rather than you selling the house.

pinkyredrose · 23/08/2023 11:43

Jacqui189 · 22/08/2023 21:39

Then I risk losing the only member of my husbands family who still keeps in contact with me. He is a nice man but everything is do tomorrow

Huh? You said he was ignoring you?

Just send a message giving him a month to move his stuff or you'll scrap it

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 23/08/2023 11:51

Yes. That just registered. He was ignoring you. Do you mean he was ignoring your suggestion or ignoring you full stop? What I'm saying is, is he well intentioned or are you getting the vibe that he doesn't want to co-operate.

I was going to say that its worth trying the softly softly approach at the outset, with some real researched options so you have an actual quote from X company.
But then if he's ignoring you and won't come to the table, then you can send written requests detailing that it's going ahead with or without.
Others have suggested putting it into one month's storage. There's also the scrap metal option if all else fails. Good luck.

Isheabastard · 23/08/2023 11:52

It is possible that he doesn’t know what to do with this stuff. You said he is a procrastinator, so it may also be that he is putting it off.

If you think he might be broke, and you have the money and inclination to help him, tell him you will help him find a home for his stuff.

Yes he is an adult, and should sort his own stuff out. But you say you want to stay in his life. Sometimes a little generosity can go a long way.

Wheresthebeach · 23/08/2023 12:11

You need to tell him you are selling and need it moved or sold. I suspect he just doesn't know what to do so is putting off dealing with it. Once you engage and Estate Agent things should change. Give him a decent amount of notice so he can get sorted, in writing so there is no confusion, and be clear that you'll have to send it to the scrap yard if he doesn't do anything.

Bahhhhhumbug · 23/08/2023 12:12

Just tell him (not ask him) that you ARE downsizing and then start the ball rolling. Sales are going through quite slowly atm (about 10 to 12 weeks where l am) so when you get to that point he will realise he has to move it before the sale goes through obviously.

JusthereforXmas · 23/08/2023 12:23

BarbaraofSeville · 23/08/2023 11:15

But what is the law?

The DSS has abandoned goods at the OPs property without her agreement/permission - she may have agreed to store them for a few weeks/months but if he had said at the beginning 'can I leave these things here for a year/longer' the OP would likely have said no. So the initial agreement is no longer valid.

Is she expected to store them ad infinitum because she doesn't have his express permission to dispose of them and yet he won't remove them?

At some point the law has to agree that these items can be removed by the OP or else people would be dumping crap all over the place and if anyone moved it they'd be able to claim that they were entitled to do so and anyone who moved them was stealing/interfering with their property.

The chances are the SS is part owner in the house. He can leave anything he wants in his house.

It would be very unusual if OPs partner left nothing to his kids.

TheFireflies · 23/08/2023 12:31

BarbaraofSeville · 23/08/2023 11:15

But what is the law?

The DSS has abandoned goods at the OPs property without her agreement/permission - she may have agreed to store them for a few weeks/months but if he had said at the beginning 'can I leave these things here for a year/longer' the OP would likely have said no. So the initial agreement is no longer valid.

Is she expected to store them ad infinitum because she doesn't have his express permission to dispose of them and yet he won't remove them?

At some point the law has to agree that these items can be removed by the OP or else people would be dumping crap all over the place and if anyone moved it they'd be able to claim that they were entitled to do so and anyone who moved them was stealing/interfering with their property.

As I’ve said, as long as OP is now sole owner of the property, if she chooses to go down the route she’d follow the guidance of the Torts (Interference With Goods) Act 1977 which clearly sets out the processes to notify and then dispose of goods left/abandoned in her care.

Whether OP wants to go down this route in the circumstances is up to her, but there certainly are legal pathways to follow which would have the desired effect, if indeed the house is hers and not partly owned now by stepson.