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AIBU?

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Original poster

I want to downsize but stepson will not move his stuff

181 replies

Jacqui189 · 22/08/2023 21:36

I am a widow of 1 year and live alone. I don't need a 4 bed house with a big garden and would like to downsize. Problem is 33 yr old stepson filled the garage and carport with old heavy machinery he planned to use for a business that never got off the ground. I keep on asking him to get rid of it so I can sell the house but he is ignoring me. What can I do?

OP posts:
curaçao · 23/08/2023 09:39

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SoupDragon · 23/08/2023 09:43

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Rude.

AuntieMarys · 23/08/2023 09:43

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When I die, dh can sell the house but any profit goes to my dcs. When he dies, it goes to the dcs.

glowupqueen · 23/08/2023 09:49

Just go ahead and sell the house, once it's sold he will have no choice but to move it

GasPanic · 23/08/2023 09:49

I think you will end up having to be firm with him.

His stuff is living at your house rent free zero hassle. He's not going to move it until he has no choice.

Ask yourself what price is worth paying to keep the relationship ?

Moveoverdarlin · 23/08/2023 09:54

Hi Mark, hope all is well. Things are progressing with the house, I’ve had it valued, the estate agent thinks it will sell well and has a few potential buyers in the pipeline. I’ve had a few quotes for removals too which are fairly reasonable. Of course , I’ll be sad to see the house go but it’s just too big for me on my own and too much for me to cope with. The only issue is your machinery. Can you collect it please? If it’s not gone by Sept 2nd I’m going to get my friend Shirley’s son in-law to shift it, he has a large van and sells scrap metal, but he will charge me £150 to do so. I’d much rather you collect it before then? Please let me know as the estate agent is keen to take photos and get the ball rolling. Xx

Zonder · 23/08/2023 09:59

Nicely worded @Moveoverdarlin

Viviennemary · 23/08/2023 10:02

SM4713 · 22/08/2023 21:51

Why are people suggesting that the OP needs to pay for storage or pay to hire a van to move this 'man- childs' sh*t???

How have you asked him so far OP? I agree with documenting that it needs to be moved by X date and if not, you will get it removed.

Check what it could be worth to sell, otherwise as someone else said, sell for scrap.

People are suggesting this because everything tried so far has failed and OP Doesnt want to fall out with him.

CClaire · 23/08/2023 10:02

Is it his ‘family home’ but your late husband/his father left it all to you? Do the other kids see you as an impostor? I can see why he doesn’t feel a sense of urgency if so. It might feel a bit like you’re desperate to ‘get your hands on the money’.

If it’s just in the garage, can’t you put the house on the market anyway?

Sorry for your loss OP.

TotalOverhaul · 23/08/2023 10:04

Tell him your house is going on the market and he will need to collect the things or sell them as you can't store them in the smaller house. pitch it as concern for his possessions rather than irritation at him dragging his heels. But do be clear there is no alternative.

curaçao · 23/08/2023 10:08

SoupDragon · 23/08/2023 09:43

Rude.

Show quote history

But I think very pertinent to the situation.

iheartminizoos · 23/08/2023 10:08

We have a family member who is similar, over the years various other family members have ended up being talked into storing this persons machinery/tools, and it has made relatives quite bitter and irritated that they have ended up being stuck with - what is to them - piles of junk, sometimes for years and years. With these types of people you have to be really firm and clear, and give them a date when it HAS to be moved, I would give him a fair amount of time, say 6-8 weeks. But you have to communicate clearly and firmly that the goods will be removed by a third party if they don't sort it by the date. Do not budge. Good luck! (It will have some value, bet you would easily find a company willing to take, at no cost to yourself)

NeedToChangeName · 23/08/2023 10:09

TomatoSandwiches · 22/08/2023 21:41

You shouldn't have yo but get it put in a storage container and pay for 1 month, let him know where it is and the details and then he can sort it out.

@TomatoSandwiches in that scenario, storage company would pursue OP for payment, as their contract is with her

May09Bump · 23/08/2023 10:13

I would say you have a man with a van coming round to help you clear the house before it gets listed for sale, what day is good for him to drop the garage contents off to you? Present it as a done deal. I would pay even though you shouldn't as takes another barrier away / chat about the money.

MikeRafone · 23/08/2023 10:21

It maybe that he knows once the house is sold his connection to his dad has gone, so it maybe why he is dragging his heels.

Not a consolation to you as you want to move and that is really understandable.

You need and want to move so suggest that he comes round and you talk face to face, let him know you're sensitive to the house being sold but that you really need to start getting it ready for sale and the equipment moved. As pp states, suggest that he put the equipment into storage

Titfortat78 · 23/08/2023 10:21

So sorry for your loss. You don't need this stress at this time. If it's sellable then sell it. If not see if you can get some money for scrap.

Zonder · 23/08/2023 10:21

curaçao · 23/08/2023 10:08

But I think very pertinent to the situation.

Show quote history

Nothing to do with you or OPs question really.

Either he will have made arrangements for his DC or he won't. Either way OP wants to move and is hindered by this junk. Maybe she is obliged by the will to split the proceeds, maybe not. Irrelevant.

JusthereforXmas · 23/08/2023 10:22

Who owned the house?

Is it solely your propert?

Does SS have an interest in the house?

I know children are usually (especially in blended families) are left a stake of their bio parent house in the will, even if the provision is that the partner remains there. If this is the case you can not get rid of his stuff or sell it without his permission as its partly his home and inheritance from his father.

To explain this: say you and DH own the house together each with 50% ownership. He passes his half which is inheritance down to his bio child(ren). You own the other 50% but usually you have the provision written in the will that you have the right to remain in the home for your remaining lifespan and can then pass your half to your own family/friends/charity or you can buy out the children or agree to sell and move.

That's how it worked in our blended family and we where informed its the standard in wills of this type usually.

If you want to sell and he doesn't then he should buy you out of your stake in the house. I would seek professional advice about your scenario and how to come to a conclusion with SS.

JusthereforXmas · 23/08/2023 10:25

Zonder · 23/08/2023 10:21

Nothing to do with you or OPs question really.

Either he will have made arrangements for his DC or he won't. Either way OP wants to move and is hindered by this junk. Maybe she is obliged by the will to split the proceeds, maybe not. Irrelevant.

Show quote history

Its absoloutly pertinent... if his son owns 50% of the house he is allowed to leave his property in it as its his house too and OP absoloutly can not sell/trash his stuff and sell the house from under him.

Luxell934 · 23/08/2023 10:28

Simple. Sell the house, tell him you've accepted an offer and he needs to sort out the garage by this date or he loses his stuff. As long as your polite and give him enough notice then I can't see what the issue would be.

StaunchMomma · 23/08/2023 10:31

Jacqui189 · 22/08/2023 21:39

Then I risk losing the only member of my husbands family who still keeps in contact with me. He is a nice man but everything is do tomorrow

You can't organise your life around other people's issues, OP.

Tell him the house is up for sale, that you will be leaving imminently and give him a reasonable date by which to move his things or you will have to have them scrapped.

Any reasonable adult will understand this. If he doesn't, that's 100% his problem, not yours.

You have to put yourself first and if he gets the hump over something as basic and understandable as this he's not really worth bending over backwards for.

GreenLaurel · 23/08/2023 10:40

How about asking him to reduce the amount and confine it to the garage for now, while you prep the house for sale. Break the task down. I don’t think anyone expects garages to be tidy but the carport could be an issue when trying to sell.

Selttan · 23/08/2023 10:44

You shouldn't have to do this but if you don't want to burn any bridges could you move it to a storage facility and pay say for 3 months and tell him he needs to collect it or the storage facility will sell it off.

horseyhorsey17 · 23/08/2023 10:45

Put the house on the market. He will have to get rid of the stuff once the place is sold.

ImABox · 23/08/2023 10:54

Selttan · 23/08/2023 10:44

You shouldn't have to do this but if you don't want to burn any bridges could you move it to a storage facility and pay say for 3 months and tell him he needs to collect it or the storage facility will sell it off.

I think this might be an option for the OP to keep the relationship and move on. Only pay for 3 months up front and tell him that’s it and get someone to move it so he knows you’re serious. Easy to say just send him a letter/sell it.