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Original poster

I want to downsize but stepson will not move his stuff

181 replies

Jacqui189 · 22/08/2023 21:36

I am a widow of 1 year and live alone. I don't need a 4 bed house with a big garden and would like to downsize. Problem is 33 yr old stepson filled the garage and carport with old heavy machinery he planned to use for a business that never got off the ground. I keep on asking him to get rid of it so I can sell the house but he is ignoring me. What can I do?

OP posts:
madeinmanc · 22/08/2023 22:17

Perhaps he's holding on a bit to the house and memories of his father by keeping his stuff there?

Dropthedonkey · 22/08/2023 22:24

I would assume the OP wants to treat her late husband's son the way he would have done, rather than jumping to lawyer's letters.

Soapyspuds · 22/08/2023 22:38

Why does it need to be done now? Wait until the house is sold and then give him the move date as week before it actually is. If he does not collect then offer as free on Marketplace.

Sometimeswinning · 22/08/2023 22:54

Jacqui189 · 22/08/2023 21:39

Then I risk losing the only member of my husbands family who still keeps in contact with me. He is a nice man but everything is do tomorrow

Then keep the stuff and don't downsize.

Or just do what has been suggested. Give him a date. Just word it in the nicest was possible.

Cherrysoup · 22/08/2023 22:58

Soapyspuds · 22/08/2023 22:38

Why does it need to be done now? Wait until the house is sold and then give him the move date as week before it actually is. If he does not collect then offer as free on Marketplace.

Because it will look shit on the photos and during viewings.

Hibiscrubbed · 22/08/2023 23:03

Jacqui189 · 22/08/2023 21:39

Then I risk losing the only member of my husbands family who still keeps in contact with me. He is a nice man but everything is do tomorrow

Doesn’t sound nice. He sounds like a selfish prick. Warn him. Then sell it.

Ponoka7 · 22/08/2023 23:04

Why don't your DH's family speak to you,Vis it a dispute about the house/inheritance etc? Is this definitely not being done to inconvenience you, was it their childhood home? Or do you think that they don't want it sold? The answer to any of those would change my response. I'd tell him that the house is going on the market and you need to have a conversation about moving his stuff.

Ponoka7 · 22/08/2023 23:06

Just to add you can't sell or give his stuff away without him having legal redress.

SunRainStorm · 22/08/2023 23:26

He's being a selfish prick.

Speak to a lawyer, send him a nicely worded letter (from you, not the lawyer- although get the lawyer to help draft it), give him a very reasonable deadline (2 months?) and then dispose of it as you see fit.

If you sell it, give him the money.

But don't go on like this.

Clymene · 22/08/2023 23:29

Ponoka7 · 22/08/2023 23:06

Just to add you can't sell or give his stuff away without him having legal redress.

Even if he leaves it on her property?!

Cloverforever · 22/08/2023 23:32

TomatoSandwiches · 22/08/2023 21:41

You shouldn't have yo but get it put in a storage container and pay for 1 month, let him know where it is and the details and then he can sort it out.

And OP will be liable for the debt forever more.

WhenLifeGivesYouLimes · 22/08/2023 23:33

Cherrysoup · 22/08/2023 22:58

Because it will look shit on the photos and during viewings.

Show quote history

Insofar as it's in the garage it's not a problem. All garages are full of shit. As long as the house looks immaculate I can't imagine any reasonable seller holding that against the house.

The problem is the "carport" stuff - if that is an eyesore from the outside then that is a problem and the OP may need to move it to storage if she wants to progress.

NeedTheSeaside · 22/08/2023 23:34

Was it his childhood home?

Is he resentful his father didn't leave him the house/half the house?

He's 33, but it's no age to lose your Dad, is he just trying to stop you selling the house?

WineIsMyMainVice · 22/08/2023 23:37

TomatoSandwiches · 22/08/2023 21:41

You shouldn't have yo but get it put in a storage container and pay for 1 month, let him know where it is and the details and then he can sort it out.

This is really good advice. If after the first month he hasn’t sorted it out and sold it or whatever he has the option to start paying the rental fee on the storage unit - or they will dispose of it!!
If you’ve made it clear to him that this is what you’re intending to do (and in writing) you’re not the bad guy.
Good luck op.

AtrociousCircumstance · 22/08/2023 23:38

Hmm yes. What is the situation with the house? Was it joint owned by you and your DH? Would a sale release any funds to the son? Did he/will he inherit anything?

Doesn't change the advice (clear letter, time frame to remove) but I wonder if there is some complication in the situation.

SMM2020 · 22/08/2023 23:38

When my Nan died and I had to sell the house, I gave a date to my family on when they're stuff had to be out of the garages/sheds...advised if it wasn't out by a certain date, it was being skipped. Sometimes people just need the push.

I would explain to him that you're planning to downsize as the house is far too big for you now and that could he start thinking about removing his items soon as you didn't wish to spring this decision on him later and not give him enough time to make arrangements. It doesn't have to be a confrontation nor do you have to wait until they're physically removed to start the process of moving.

Cloverforever · 22/08/2023 23:42

WineIsMyMainVice · 22/08/2023 23:37

This is really good advice. If after the first month he hasn’t sorted it out and sold it or whatever he has the option to start paying the rental fee on the storage unit - or they will dispose of it!!
If you’ve made it clear to him that this is what you’re intending to do (and in writing) you’re not the bad guy.
Good luck op.

Show quote history

They will still pursue the OP for the debt for un-paid rental. This would damage her credit record.

SheSaidHummingbird · 22/08/2023 23:44

Be firm. "This needs to be removed by X date. If not, I'll take your inaction as blessing to sell/scrap it."
He is a connection to your late partner, but you are his connection to his dad. He won't abandon you over this. If he does, you don't need that person in your life.

Bigdoglittledog2 · 22/08/2023 23:48

Just tell him you will be listing the house and when it sales all his stuff will need to be gone otherwise it will go in a skip as you can’t take it with you.

List your house and then when it sales he will have to take it all. If he doesn’t it goes in the skip!!!

Coffeaddict · 23/08/2023 06:15

BorisIsACuntWaffle · 22/08/2023 21:37

Tell him if it's not gone by X date you will dispose of it

Another vote for this

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 23/08/2023 07:10

Give him the date by which you need it gone (that gives you time to do whatever you need to do to make it look decent for photos/ viewings).
Tell him that you'd prefer him to come and deal with it himself before then, but if he can't for any reason, you have two options for him to choose from:
(1) you call a removals/ storage company - they come and move it to their storage unit - they send him the bill.
(2) you call a skip company - and hire some people to put the stuff in the skip - they send him the bills.
You have his current address for the bills to go to?

Peony654 · 23/08/2023 07:12

Assuming the house is fully in your name-put it in the market, and send an email and letter to him saying that he has until xx date to clear and if not done you will be employing a house clearance company

AuntieMarys · 23/08/2023 07:29

If he ignores you he is not worth having in your life

Blogswife · 23/08/2023 07:30

You explain why you need it moving . Ask him if he will do it or if he wants you to arrange .
You maybe offer to help to pay for a van or disposal ( appreciate it’s not your responsibility but might be the only way )
You give him a deadline and tell him that if he doesn’t arrange anything or come back to you , you’ll assume he doesn’t need it and you dispose of it
You can be friendly and empathetic but at the end of the day , if you’re selling up it needs to go !

OhwhyOY · 23/08/2023 07:32

Just tell him you're selling the house and so he needs to get the stuff before it's handed over to the buyer. If he doesn't you'll have to get it taken away by a scrap metal dealer.