I want to downsize but stepson will not move his stuff

[Jacqui189]

I am a widow of 1 year and live alone. I don't need a 4 bed house with a big garden and would like to downsize. Problem is 33 yr old stepson filled the garage and carport with old heavy machinery he planned to use for a business that never got off the ground. I keep on asking him to get rid of it so I can sell the house but he is ignoring me. What can I do?

I would just say to him you are putting the house on the market and keep him up to date with progress. There will come a natural deadline that if he does not move things then the buyers will get it all.
But don't go to lawyers letters and demands. He has lost a father just as you have lost a husband. Explain to him why you are selling the house and acknowledge that may be hard for him, tell him it is hard for you too but you have to do this.
Good luck.

What a sad situation OP. I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you can get through to your stepson that he has no choice but to remove his stuff from your property. I’m sure it will detract from the value of your house if it remains in place because, from how you’ve described it, it sounds bulky and not attractive. Potential buyers will expect the space it takes up to be empty when they move in so they’ll get a nasty surprise when it’s still there and they have to stump up to get it removed. Your stepson is being grossly unfair to you 😡

I have never seen photos of the inside of a garage for any house I have bought. The garage here, as in many I viewed, was full of clobber. He needs to shift his stuff by completion or it could become the property of the new house owner and if they end up paying to remove it they can pass the cost to you.

You can word it nicely. Bright and breezily.

”hey lovely. I need to sell the house and I can’t with all your stuff in it. Do you definitely still want it or shall I get rid of it for you? If you want it it needs to disappear by x date. I can’t wait any longer to get the ball rolling. I’ll be gutted to leave the house as it’s got so many great memories for me, as I’m sure it has for you, but I can’t keep rattling round in it. Let me know by this weekend what you want to do with your stuff or I’ll organise its removal on x date. See you soon for lunch (or whatever) xxx

And if he doesn’t collect then

”hey you promised the stuff would be gone by x date. It’s still there. I’ve organised its collection for Tuesday so if you still want it you’d better get here quick. Want to come for dinner next week? Xxx

This.

This!

And stick to your guns. He will be furious if you have to carry this out. But he has only himself to blame if you get rid of it. He has made it very clear by ignoring you that he doesn’t want it.

This is good and realistic advice. When I read some of the comments I wonder if posters actually treat people so harshly in real life or just vent on here. Op is grieving loss of her husband, stepson grieving loss of his dad; it’s only been a year.

Notify him in writing and keep a copy of the date you want it out. If he wants it he can sort it if not get scrap merchant in. You could 'soften' the blow by giving him the proceeds, personally I wouldn't because he's taking the mickey out of you.
If he was such a nice person as you think he would help you but I think it's a case of doesn't want the family home sold. The thing is it's not the family home anymore, it's yours and you can do what you want with it.

Having just put some stuff in storage, they require several forms of ID and proof of address. I’m sure they would chase you for unpaid debt if you left stuff there.

What you could go is get a quote from a house clearance company of what they would offer to take it away and let him know what they have offered. It will be way below its actual value (if it has any value), but it might put a rocket up him to move it if he thought it would all be sold for say £50. Or he might be relieved that it’s gone and he doesn’t have to deal with it.

We lost mum in Jan, my brother in particular has really procrastinated in sorting out stuff this year. Losing a parent is hard. I'd be approaching this is a joint way not a confrontational way but make it clear you need to make this move soon and need his help to do so.

You can start the process of selling the house, even with his stuff there. Are you sure that's the reason for not doing so - perhaps it's hard finally letting go of the family home. If it's not that, then you should just begin the process. Prospective buyers know that they will be getting an empty house, I'm sure they can imagine the garage empty. If your SS wants to have a relationship with you, he will. You can't be held to ransom by him and by your need to continue a relationship with him.

But do make sure all notifications are in writing with a reasonable time for him to respond.

I agree with this. Once the reality of the house is up for sale he may see urgency to move it or lose it. If give him phone number of a storage unit then leave him to it. If he doesn't get it moved before completion date then sell it for scrap and give him the money.

Give him an ultimatum. Can you not at least market the house while it’s there? If you have a buyer then it’s even more important he gets off his arse and moves it.

I agree, you can start the house selling process with his stuff in the garage. All viewers know that garages are likely to have stuff in them. Maybe getting the process going will galvanise him into action or at least show that you are serious on your intent. By waiting for him, you’ll letting him control your actions and future. When you get a buyer, then give him a date and if it not removed, will go in the skip etc.

Are you sure he will react badly? What are you scared off?

So it sounds disorganised rather than malicious then. Does he have room to store the stuff himself? Presumably not, if he’s keeping it in your garage. However, you’re under no obligation to stay in a property simply to provide extra storage for him. He’ll have to rent a garage or store himself, or sell the stuff if he prefers.

You’re going to have to focus his mind by giving him a deadline. Write him a nice email or letter, and lay out the options simply and clearly: Dear Bob, I have now found an agent to market the house. As you know, I’ll be downsizing and won’t have any room for your items as it’s very likely I’ll have no garage in my new property. I’m sure you’ll be able to find storage locally, or, indeed sell your items. I will be having structural checks on the garage before I sell, therefore I ask that all your items are removed by [date].

He probably has other things to do and as you’re not pushing him, your needs have slipped further down the list. If you want to feel better about it, think of it as you helping him find a longterm safe space for the stuff, or realise some money from them.

He won’t do it while he thinks you’re not serious. It’s a PITA job he can put off right now. So you need to get serious with a deadline.

Get the estate agents round to value your house.

Get it listed (they don’t need to take photos of the garage).

Give him the timeframe for removal.

If he still doesn’t shift the stuff, tell him you’ll have to dispose by X date to fulfil vacant possession.

DS left us stuff when he got married and when we wanted the space we simply took it round to him. He had the nerve to say that we had made a mess of their house! Give SDS a date and then arrange for a scrap dealer or house clearance firm to empty the garage.

💯💯💯

Some of these responses - WTAF!?

The guy doesn't sound like a twat! He has lost his dad and is also a bit of a faffer with no sense of urgency!

Just put the house on the market (letting him know what you're doing and that his stuff will need collecting once it has sold), and WHEN it gets an offer, then just ask him nicely if he can arrange to collect his stuff by X date.

Give him some suggestions of a storage company nearby, but I'd also have a back up plan in case he doesn't collect it.

I'm sure a 33 year old man is quite capable of finding a storage company himself.

After all, he was supposed to be starting a business, which involves far more tasks than a simple Google search. It's not up to the OP to do his life admin for him after he's taken advantage of her for a year over this.

I don’t understand all the people saying to issue lawyers letter, etc, step son is also family and has lost his dad. From what op has said, it didn’t sound like he has malicious intent, it’s like a procrastinator and a hoarder and as he’s not living in the house, he’s not making that a priority.
If I’m in OP’s shoe, I’ll put the house on the market and let him know. When it’s sold, I’ll also let him know and tell him he’ll have to move his things by the time you exchange as otherwise, will he want it to the tip with everything else you’ll be disposing of since you can’t leave them in the house and can’t take it with you. He’ll know things are final and will sort his things out definitely

@BarbaraofSeville , I don’t get how he’s taken advantage of the OP for a year, it’s not as if the OP needed the space the things are in for anything, the op is downsizing as there’s too much space 🤷. It’s now an inconvenience as the property needs to be sold and he needs to arrange the items to be collected before then.

Don’t ask him tell him. Perhaps he needs a push. Could it be grief do you think and in his head if his stuff is there you can’t sell the house?

No need to go full on ball buster and sell his stuff as some suggest / Jesus he’s a family membership… Just a message like “Hi love, I’m putting the house up for sale. Letting you know so you have enough time to collect your stuff.” And if you’re close you could acknowledge it’s an emotional thing for you / him selling it.

It pushes the buck on to someone else. The nasty storage company lost his things, not OP.