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Original poster

I want to downsize but stepson will not move his stuff

181 replies

Jacqui189 · 22/08/2023 21:36

I am a widow of 1 year and live alone. I don't need a 4 bed house with a big garden and would like to downsize. Problem is 33 yr old stepson filled the garage and carport with old heavy machinery he planned to use for a business that never got off the ground. I keep on asking him to get rid of it so I can sell the house but he is ignoring me. What can I do?

OP posts:
mycoffeecup · 23/08/2023 12:58

Jacqui189 · 22/08/2023 21:39

Then I risk losing the only member of my husbands family who still keeps in contact with me. He is a nice man but everything is do tomorrow

He's not behaving like a nice man to you. Tell him that you really need to move, and that he's got three months or sadly you'll have to get rid of everything as you can't show the house with the garage full. put it in writing, recorded delivery and by email. Remind him in writing in 6 weeks.

enroutetojoy · 24/08/2023 14:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Stomacharmeleon · 24/08/2023 15:50

At least put the house on the market (if it's not already) so he has a clear sign you are serious.
He will still talk to you. He is just not taking you seriously.

CauliflowerBalti · 24/08/2023 18:31

Just sell it. Then give him the moving date and tell him you will get the scrap metal peeps in. As long as he has plenty of notice - it’s all good.

Trylessonslearned · 24/08/2023 18:43

Get A man and van around to give you a quote. Set a deadline with step son say 2 weeks to remove items. Give him copy of the quote. If not removed, instruct van man to remove. Give stepson the bill.

MarvellousMonsters · 24/08/2023 18:44

Find a storage unit and arrange to have it moved there. Pay the first 6-12 months rent and tell him it's up to him to decide what to do after that.

DeeCeeCherry · 24/08/2023 18:47

Then I risk losing the only member of my husbands family who still keeps in contact with me. He is a nice man but everything is do tomorrow

Well you'll just have to stay in the house if that's how you feel. In life if you do nothing then nothing happens. That's the reality. He's using you for free storage so clearly doesn't think as much of you as you do him. This is a solvable problem if you actually do something about it.

MintJulia · 24/08/2023 18:48

I had this issue with an ex. I emailed him and said I'd found a buyer, and he had until the weekend to move it all or it would be sold.

I also told him I'd be keeping the proceeds as a storage fee.

Funnily enough it was gone by Friday night. 😁

DeadbeatYoda · 24/08/2023 19:00

Put the house on the market. Then if he doesn't move it all, call someone in to buy it all for scrap and give him the cash ( less your commission, obvs).

Iwant2stayanon · 24/08/2023 19:02

Get a solicitor to write to him giving reasonable notice to remove his stuff after which you will dispose of it if he fails to do so. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this situ but his behaviour is disrespectful and you need to hold strong on this point.

InSpainTheRain · 24/08/2023 19:22

Put your house on the market, he'll realise when it's sold he has to move it - or you will get a dealer in to take it. Don't let his procrastination stop you living your life.

mandlerparr · 24/08/2023 19:37

Jacqui189 · 22/08/2023 21:36

I am a widow of 1 year and live alone. I don't need a 4 bed house with a big garden and would like to downsize. Problem is 33 yr old stepson filled the garage and carport with old heavy machinery he planned to use for a business that never got off the ground. I keep on asking him to get rid of it so I can sell the house but he is ignoring me. What can I do?

put the home for sale, tell him it is for sale and that if he doesn't get it all out by the time the house is sold then he will lose all of it. From there it is up to you if you want to leave it for the new owners with their knowledge or pay to have someone come haul it away. Or, if it is stuff someone may like, people may come take it away just to have it for free.
If he somehow finds fault or blames you for this, then he wasn't the good relative you seem to think he is.
My grandmother had a lot of social activities before she passed, from Danish Sisterhood to meetups with schoolmates from decades ago to her monthly "Stitch and Bitch" and so on. Maybe there are community activities you can sign up for, or some places have volunteers that visit people and keep them company for a while. It can be hard to make new friends as an adult.

LaDamaDeElche · 24/08/2023 20:08

Put the house on the market. If it sells he’ll have no choice but to move it.

Judecb · 24/08/2023 20:20

Give him a cut off date then tell him it's being sold. Explain that you ARE moving, (not that you want to). He is being completely insensitive.

HarrietPoole · 24/08/2023 20:26

DustyLee123 · 22/08/2023 21:37

Get a scrap metal dealer in.

This. Give him a months notice, and tell him you’ll get rid if it’s not collected.

pollymere · 24/08/2023 20:31

I think you have to be firm and say you are putting the house on the market and need it gone by a certain date. Tell him you are happy to sell it on his behalf if he would like that instead.

The more amenable you are, hopefully the more guilty he will feel about the situation.

If he really is just a procrastinator, then offering options with consequences means either you or hopefully him will deal with it within your deadlines.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 24/08/2023 20:38

Catsfrontbum · 22/08/2023 21:38

Do that.

Show quote history

This

LimeCheesecake · 24/08/2023 20:42

If you want to go softly, get estate agents round, get house on market. Let him know and that obviously he needs to move his tools. Once you have an offer, call him again, explain that you won’t have space at a new property so he needs to take the things, or does he just want them scrapped? That you can’t really leave them for the next owner, can’t take them with you, so he takes them or they go to the tip.

Be nice, say of course you would continue to store them if you could etc. just keep repeating, no space so he takes them or you throw them away, there isn’t an option of you continuing to store, but of course you would if you could…

meganorks · 24/08/2023 20:47

Tell him you are listing the house and do it with the stuff in. I don't think things in the garage will impact on you selling assuming you make it clear they will be gone. Then when it sells it is obvious it needs to be gone.

Blazzingsaddos · 24/08/2023 20:50

To be honest he’s ignoring you anyway so you don’t have anything to loose by getting rid of it if he doesn’t

Justsu · 24/08/2023 20:56

Maybe give him two warnings, then arrange a date to have everything removed and inform him. Maybe that will motivate him to shift it. I’m not sure whether this would cause an irreparable rift, but surely he needs to understand that you need to get on with your life plans and not see it as rejection?

ASDMumof2 · 24/08/2023 20:59

Put your house on the market and let him know youve done that. Sell it. and find another house for you. You deserve that.

Prior to completion, if he hasnt already removed it, remind him to move his gear and the deadline. Send him details of where it could be stored and how much it'll cost him but he will need to arrange transportation too.

I suspect he hasn't moved it cos he has nowhere to put it.

You can't hold back your life waiting on him, though so you need to bite tge bullet. Don't be unreasonable though - no need for lawyers!!!

Greenshed · 24/08/2023 22:14

He may well be a pleasant individual, ( doesn’t sound it though, if he’s ignoring you), who you are obviously fond of and whom you don’t want to risk upsetting, OP. But, he isn’t responding to your request to remove his stuff, ( probably hoping you’ll forget the whole idea and not sell - is he hoping to inherit it one day?) however, you have to put yourself first. It’s your home, not his. It’s too big for you, you need to downsize. Unless he can afford to buy it from you, then go ahead and sell. Forget his emotional blackmail (his ignoring your request is a form of emotional blackmail in my book). Give him a timeline to move his stuff. If it’s not gone by then, dispose of it as you see fit - don’t let him bully you by his inaction. Just do it. What’s the worst that will happen - he won’t have anything to do with you? Would this be an unbearable outcome? My view is, it won’t come to that. Approach him, explain your needs. If he still refuses to act then you must - put yourself first here. Does he have need of your home or is he nicely settled in his own? If the latter, then definitely go ahead and sell - you won’t be putting him on the street. He’s probably thinking of its value to him at some point in the future, let him carry on thinking that, but don’t let that sway you into inactivity - get it sold, put yourself first here.

changeme4this · 24/08/2023 22:15

Does he feel/ believe he is entitled to some portion of the property as part of his Father’s estate?

Greenshed · 24/08/2023 22:16

Oh, and don’t you go and arrange storage for it, as some posters suggest. It’s his stuff, his responsibility. If you pay for storage, you’ll be stuck with that expense forever and a day. He’s taking the proverbial, OP. Don’t fall for that one.