To want to know about DH's savings before marriage?

[Jinnywix]

As the title says really. We have been married 2 years and have just welcomed our first baby and also just bought our first house together (it's been intense!). My question arises after thinking a new kitchen would be too expensive (£10k altogether) but DH went ahead and did to which I felt really happy but also a bit guilty thinking it was too expensive. And then DH wanted to sort out the driveway and front and back garden for which we received a quote of £30k. We both thought it was expensive and I said I didn't think it made economical sense as I really thought it would be totally diminishing all the savings. The following evening DH came home from work and said the builders would start on the driveway the following day. I was really worried as I thought we couldn't possibly afford it. DH says we could afford it and I said that I thought we had a budget of £50k for renovations etc. He said we do but he's happy to dip into his savings. I thought the deposit for the house plus renovations was X but turns out DH had another £200k saved. AIBU to want to have known about it? I've been really stressed with how much we've been spending on renovating plus the fact that I'm on mat leave with SMP and trying to figure out how to organise things about going back to work. I said to DH I would like to know the full picture with all the savings he has. AIBU?

Things are feeling a little more peaceful for me. DH has been very kind after hearing more of my worries/nervousness.

DH and I are going through different types of joint accounts at the moment. However he is worried about where/how to register the new account as we have only just moved house. Apparently banks need to see your address for 3 months at a particular address before you can open an account with them.

When we got married I had a lot more money saved than my spouse, and I earned around 8x what they did. We were totally open about our money, and once married pooled pretty much everything into a joint account, including wages.

(Important caveat: we did keep back a little bit of saved money each in personal accounts, in case one of us went mad or became a meth-head or something equally off-putting - we were open about that with each other too. I think everyone should do this if they can)

Obviously there are lots of ways people can deal with The Money Thing but I am personally very pro-openness as an absolute minimum, and pro-sharing-it-all if you can face it. If you're together for the long haul, thinking about having kids, all that - then act like it: it sets you up as equals to face life together. Money is there to help you enjoy life, not as some weird control lever.

That all sounds really encouraging. Good for you and your DH - not everyone works this out well. If he's down with the general idea then I'm sure it will come out OK, even if you have to wait a few months to set the account up (I can believe that this is possible: money laundering regs etc)

Thank you to the many PPs for your genuine advice. I really appreciated it. On a practical level, there are so many things I just hadn't anticipated being a new mum and these things aren't really spoken about between me and my friends so thank you everyone for your advice and suggestions.

@Jinnywix The joint account simply needs to be opened at the same bank he (or you) already has an account. There should be zero issue. If there is, it will be a request to verify your (or his) identity (unless you also have an account at same bank). Proof of address and photo id. If they require notarised copies, you just make an appointment at the bank and take the originals so they can do it on the spot (or post office does this service too for about £10).

You can probably open a joint account tomorrow if you both want to. Best of luck.

We saw one where they pay towards some of your bills which sounded like a good deal

However he is worried about where/how to register the new account as we have only just moved house. Apparently banks need to see your address for 3 months at a particular address before you can open an account with them.

They’ll ask for your previous addresses over the last 5 years. As long as you are registered to pay council tax at your new address, and on the electoral register, you’ll be fine for the credit check. You don’t need to have been there longer.

I think your DH sounds a bit rigid in his thinking about financial things - perhaps once he’s been told something it’s hard for him to change tack or absorb new information? (The other option is he’s stalling deliberately on opening a joint account, which would be worrying.)

The most financially savvy thing to do is to open a joint account with one of your current banks, then look for a good account to switch to - you can then earn a bonus for changing. As you say, there are some that pay towards bills or earn you a big fee to switch with good interest rates on credit balances.

Keep talking together. It’s so important to be on the same page about money.

If I was your husband I would be fuming. The house - which he paid half outright for - isn’t even half in his name and now you want all his savings in a joint account too.
What does he actually get from this?
My husband and I don’t fully share finances. We both pay enough money into a joint account to cover all bills, clothes for the kids and a bit extra. We pay a set amount each into a savings account for emergencies
Apart from that we do what we want with our own money. I have no idea what my husband has in his sole account and he doesn’t know what’s in mine
It works perfectly well for us

This is standard if a mortgage application is in 1 name which for the OP it was, a joint application would have reduced the mortgage availability rate as first person income is multipled by a set amount as is the 2nds. A mortgage company will not accept deeds being in 2 names if 1 person is on the mortgage. Men in the past haven't been able to be listed as "homemaker" on mortgage applications as women were - I hope this has changed but I had a similar situation to the OP with my DH being made redundant before house completion. We had to do it the same way as the OP and then changed it when we remortgaged when the fix ran out.

That's great that's what works for you, we do things similarly but I know what my husband has in savings and vice versa. But the OP was clearly feeling financial pressure and stress. Not having any joint account set up and being on mat leave.

I agree with him.

He has paid 50% of the house deposit, so £225k.

He is going to put his £7k salary in a joint account, whereas you only have £2k pm.

I think the £200k of savings are his, he built them up before he married you.

And I think you are extremely money grabbing to think you should have access to the £200k as well, especially since he’s spending £10k on a kitchen and £30k on the gardens.

I think you saw him coming.

It’s great that you’ve made so much progress discussing this all and coming to an agreement on a joint account for monthly spending so you are feeling less stressed about the finances. I previously said I would be angry if I found out that my husband had a secret 200k I didn’t know about. Not because I necessarily think I should have instant access to this but because I didn’t know about it. It does also make a big difference that he is 9 years older than you (I think I read that) and you have only been together a short time so naturally he is cautious with large amounts of money he saved before you met.

I would probably move an agreed amount of it into a joint savings account for work on the house then your husband keeps the rest in his own account. Any new savings could be put in a joint pot or split into your own separate accounts. So many couples do this in different ways particularly when there is a big difference in take home salary. He’s obviously spent a huge amount of his savings on the deposit already, and you can do this all in stages so you are both comfortable. I would just continue communicating about budgets, how much ‘fun money’ to be spent each month vs savings, how much to be spent on the house etc

(I do also think it is quite unusual to have one half of the couple contribute everything financially to the house and have significant other savings when the other person has no savings (you mentioned these were small and spent on the wedding), some debt and has contributed nothing financially to the house in your name. Your husband knew the financial risks he was taking when he got married but still, there are huge disparities there).

What do you mean@Jinnywix , who has an offer to pay towards what bills?

How can someone not know how to set up a joint bank account - takes minutes. He is either stupidly naive or has something else he’s hiding.

@Scottishskifun You don't get listed as a homemaker, you just get listed as "zero income". We did that in 2015 for Mr Monkey. In fact he wasn't zero income but at the time had just starting contracting following the end of a fixed term job and we didn't need his income enough to go through the hassle of getting it through the application.

No bank accounts pay towards your bills unless you mean some cashback but that's usually for shit you don't need

But on a joint application salary is generally split for first person x2 for second named person.
If a single applicant then it's generally around 5.5 times their income which is what we had to do and clearly what the OP had to do. On a joint income we didn't get the amount needed on a single application we did hence done this way!

We then had a legal document drawn up to protect DH but we weren't married at the time and in Scotland assets before marriage aren't taken into consideration in divorce.

If a single applicant then it's generally around 5.5 times their income which is what we had to do and clearly what the OP had to do. On a joint income we didn't get the amount needed on a single application we did hence done this way!

we still don’t know how the OP got 7.5 times from a high st bank on her relatively low income and no savings (gifted deposit). Now it transpires she also had debt.

OP, I know you’ve already confirmed that you def do have that size mortgage on your salary but so many people have suggested that this isn’t normally possible through a high street bank.

If I were you, for my own peace of mind I would double-check my final mortgage document and house deeds just to make sure everything is as you think it should be.