To want to know about DH's savings before marriage?

[Jinnywix]

As the title says really. We have been married 2 years and have just welcomed our first baby and also just bought our first house together (it's been intense!). My question arises after thinking a new kitchen would be too expensive (£10k altogether) but DH went ahead and did to which I felt really happy but also a bit guilty thinking it was too expensive. And then DH wanted to sort out the driveway and front and back garden for which we received a quote of £30k. We both thought it was expensive and I said I didn't think it made economical sense as I really thought it would be totally diminishing all the savings. The following evening DH came home from work and said the builders would start on the driveway the following day. I was really worried as I thought we couldn't possibly afford it. DH says we could afford it and I said that I thought we had a budget of £50k for renovations etc. He said we do but he's happy to dip into his savings. I thought the deposit for the house plus renovations was X but turns out DH had another £200k saved. AIBU to want to have known about it? I've been really stressed with how much we've been spending on renovating plus the fact that I'm on mat leave with SMP and trying to figure out how to organise things about going back to work. I said to DH I would like to know the full picture with all the savings he has. AIBU?

The way you went about the house purchase is mad.

We had a very similar situaiton when we bought out flat. There was an easy and very commonly used solution. Mr Monkey did not have a job at the time but he had a substantial amount of savings from selling a mortgage free property he owned (similar to you it was about 60% of the total cost of the flat). So on the advice of our broker we applied for a mortgage together but he was down as zero income. That means he is on the mortgage and the deeds. He didn't need to gift the deposit to me as we were buyng the flat together.

Did the bank not do an investigation in to where the deposit came from? We had to provide all sorts of documentation to show it was funds from the sale of a flat he owned - it took a fair bit of time.

On the contrary to others, I think savings, inheritance and assets somebody has amassed before the relationship should be theirs alone.

I also think that having a healthy amount of savings shouldn't mean you have to buy a more expensive house. And nor does it mean it makes more sense to put it all into the house if you have a favourable mortgage that you can overpay.

I find it strange that you've never had a conversation about finances though.

The bank did. We had to show statements etc.

I am just feeling more and more rubbish having to ask DH every month for money. Although I have his credit card, I have a loan repayment (covered by my SMP) but anything from PayPal or my own credit card is still paid off by DH while I'm on mat leave.

Honestly we did have finance conversations but I had to bring them up everytime and I know I shouldn't have felt this way but I felt awkward asking what the lay of the land would be. And DH would ask how I wanted things.

@Jinnywix so if you had to show statements you must have seen what savings he had? and where those savings came from?

Most of this info had to have been at least addressed when you bought a house as you must have had conversations about what you could afford, how you were going to fund the deposit and other costs etc..

But you shouldn't have to ask for money. If you're on maternity leave and only receiving SMP then you should receive a regular transfer from joint funds in lieu of salary for your own personal money to use. You can also set up the joint account now, it doesn't need to wait until he starts his new job. Fund it by transfer from savings until his salary starts coming in.

And why on earth are you repaying a loan when you have so much money floating around? That's mad.

No, I mentioned this is a fourth account I didn't see. I also didn't see/pay attention to everything DH was sending the solicitors and bank. I know it was naive but I was pregnant at the time and felt like death warmed up a lot of the time

It's my loan I took out from before we got married. I've never missed a payment and can afford to spend it myself. DH doesn't like debts and has previous offered to pay it all off but I wasn't comfortable with that as it was a debt I acquired previously to getting married

I understand that money can be a tricky conversation to have. In all honesty your DH probably didn't register the need to have the conversation as his salary is substantial.

I fully get not wanting to look like your after his money but you need to be clear and your adding to your own stress by not sitting down and doing this.
Work out what would be best for you, if you don't like asking for money then pooling all finances would be a good starting point then it's both of yours in the pot and you discuss with each other big expenditures in advance.

Get a spreadsheet, go through both bank statements see what bills are first, regular savings etc then decide what is reasonable spending.

To me the issue seems to be you have taken on sole responsbility for a mortgage that is hard to fund from your income now you are on maternity leave and he could have made that mortgage more affordable by using more of his savings for the deposit. It seems an odd decision.

Op definitely have a feeling accounts or different savings withing accounts I think minx goes joints savings but dh and it use to santander.
Every month we put £ into santander for Christmas and holidays.
We also save monthly into different place for children's birthday and school stuff.
Then we have another place where I save and again we both contribute for children's tutors and extra curricular stuff.
Dh like many has a spreadsheet so we can see where we are.

We both contribute to savings and food.
He pays the lions share of nealry everything and contribute more than me except on food and extra curricular, both of these take a large % of my money.

We then have to money for nearly everything else allocated.
Basically if I wanna buy sheets, that would come from any over flow money not spent each month.
But it wouldn't take money form elsewhere.

When you have a child it's great to have speficic money put aside for their needs, parties, clubs, clothes, Christmas and so on.

Let him pay the debt

If the deposit for the house was from legit savings, and you're married, why did your husband have to gift it to you?
Wouldn't you instead just both have been put down on the mortgage application, and then the deposit tagged as being from joint savings, with hubby just being classed as a zero earner?
Surely him being on the mortgage, even as a zero earner would have been deemed as best practice by your broker/advisor, and most likely to have the application approved by the lender, being as the savings were/are all in his name.

Yes OP I think you need to see all documentation from the house purchase - at the very least, the final mortgage offer.

I'm getting sick of posts like these. I appreciate the rising cost of living and that some people have low incomes. Does this mean that people with higher incomes or savings can't post? I'm fat, and increasing amounts of adults in the UK are. Should I be posting on every S&B thread of people asking which Sezane jumper to buy with a comment of "read the room OP, they don't make clothes above a size 16 so lots of people won't fit"?

People have different lives. We are all allowed to post.

I read some of these and I think how do people get through life.

But you still couldn't buy the new bedding that you wanted?

You still haven't explained how you got a mortgage of 220k on a 30k income? That just isn't possible.

Have him pay off the debt as a gift to your shared child. Its not as big a deal as risking your life giving birth. And it will materially impact your life and the baby’s life to be debt free. Also take a course in financial literacy and stop depending on your father, brothers, and dh to hold, invest, and manage money. Start saving your own money again because your dh’s income, being based on commission, is highly volatile.

God no way in earth would I stump up £225k on a house deposit without being on the deeds!!! Bloody hell.

Yes, pay off the debt. You are married and have a child together, all your finances should be joint. It's all family money.

You both sound really naive or ignorant about money. The Meaningful Money podcast and website would be a good place to start educating yourself.

You need to separate. You're incompatible

It’s pretty risk free if you’re married to the person whose name is on the Land Registry.

Xactlee.

His share is secure.

Why on earth is your husband not on the deeds to the house when he put £225k down as the deposit??
And he's paying for all the renovations?
But he doesn't own the house??