To want to know about DH's savings before marriage?

[Jinnywix]

As the title says really. We have been married 2 years and have just welcomed our first baby and also just bought our first house together (it's been intense!). My question arises after thinking a new kitchen would be too expensive (£10k altogether) but DH went ahead and did to which I felt really happy but also a bit guilty thinking it was too expensive. And then DH wanted to sort out the driveway and front and back garden for which we received a quote of £30k. We both thought it was expensive and I said I didn't think it made economical sense as I really thought it would be totally diminishing all the savings. The following evening DH came home from work and said the builders would start on the driveway the following day. I was really worried as I thought we couldn't possibly afford it. DH says we could afford it and I said that I thought we had a budget of £50k for renovations etc. He said we do but he's happy to dip into his savings. I thought the deposit for the house plus renovations was X but turns out DH had another £200k saved. AIBU to want to have known about it? I've been really stressed with how much we've been spending on renovating plus the fact that I'm on mat leave with SMP and trying to figure out how to organise things about going back to work. I said to DH I would like to know the full picture with all the savings he has. AIBU?

Very odd him not being on the house deeds. DH inherited our forever home in central London before we were married. We discussed finances when we got engaged - who had what salary, savings, the inheritance etc. When we got married DH added me to the house deeds and we put our savings and salaries into a joint account.

This is the strangest thing I’ve heard on here in a while! If my husband and father of my child dropped into conversation he had 200K in a secret bank account that he had NEVER mentioned in the years we had been together my jaw would drop to the floor and I would be fuming. How can you agree to marry someone and be with them forever and not tell them that (I’m not sure how long you’ve been together or how old you are, that prob does make a difference here).

It takes a LONG time to save 200k. I mean, even for high earners, years, presumably he’s had to pay rent to live somewhere and pay bills etc whilst saving this huge amount of money. He’ll be making a decent amount on interest alone from that. If he’s on an income of 7k a month he’s clearly a high earner and has been for a while.

It seems so odd that he’s prob had a high paying job for years, he had this huge secret savings pot and then just because he’s unemployed for a short amount of time (in between his very high paid jobs) you have to take out a mortgage on your own on your much lower salary for a house that is probably nowhere near what you wanted..

Last year we found this house but DH was unemployed at the time and we could only get a mortgage on my salary (which meant I could borrow very little)

This makes no sense.

You would have had to declare (or rather, should have, as a joint purchase) your savings.

It's not true that him being unemployed meant that he could not go on the mortgage - he had £200k in savings! Yes, it would still have affected your mortgage offer, but differently.

What house was it possible to get on £2k a month only salary? Now you are married, he will have an entitlement to the property.

The whole thing sounds a mess. I can't imagine how he had such significant savings, and kept this hidden. I also can't understand accumulating that much money on even a well-paying job, without something like profit share or exceptional bonuses.

Pretty much cross-posted with all of this!

So all the debt is in your name and all the savings are in his?

But by marraige, he is entitled to half the house if you split or all if you pass away but if you the reverse happens, you already have the house but how can you claim on savings that are presumably hidden away or pledge to someone else in a will?

I know I have adjusted for your child's share but you know what I mean?

If I were you, I would be asking suggesting going seeing a financial advisor on the basis that you are now parents and want to ensure life cover, pensions, inheritance are set up correctly if in event something happens on of you & thst you organise your wills etc.

Something doesn't sound right shout this.

So he didn't put any of this 200k towards a deposit that would have meant your borrowing could go so much further?

I think YABU

I wouldn’t tell my partner how much my savings were. I only have less than £200 but it’s in my savings account as it’s for absolute emergencies and I wouldn’t count it as joint income unless an emergency came up.

It would perhaps be different if you were both skint and couldn’t afford your rent but I think savings should be separate and only a percentage of each income should be joint.

I would never fully have all joint money with a DH as anything could happen.

And I’m quite surprised at the responses on here as I’ve read countless times how important it is to have your own money and almost have a secret egg that you can use if you ever need to.

I spent all my savings on our wedding

Oh God. On a £2k salary, he was ok with you spending all your savings on the wedding, while he had an untouched £200k.

That he never declared when the house was being purchased.

What a complete mess.

I wouldn’t tell my partner how much my savings were. I only have less than £200 but it’s in my savings account as it’s for absolute emergencies and I wouldn’t count it as joint income unless an emergency came up.

Kindly, there's a major difference between £200 & £200k, in terms of disclosure!

I think he should have told you. That said , if you came on here saying you had 200k savings and your potential DH only had 10k. That you were putting down a deposit but the mortgage was solely based on DH earnings and in his name, then you would be advised not to get married because it wouldn't be in your best interest.

How much deposit did he put into the house, if you don't mind me asking, OP?
Big difference between 25K and 250K (for example)

You've been married for 2 years and not had a conversation about finances?

If his take home is that much, he could pay it in a matter of months, regardless of savings. Also, it’s obviously easy to have a lot of savings when you earn that much. Yes, providing you don’t have a mortgage beyond your means. My husband can build his in a few months if he puts a little bit of effort in with not spending so much. Don’t think you really need to know about savings and I also think it’s a bit of a non-story for high earners to have savings which are relative to their earnings.

I also think £90 for bedding is insane and I wonder if you’re a bit of a waster of money which is why he doesn’t tell you the full amount.

I would definitely be keeping quiet about £200k though!

If someone said they had £200k in another account the other person may feel the need to spend it on unnecessary things and so I would definitely keep it quiet if I had that much.

I think your income should absolutely not be private and your partner should know what you earn but I think what you choose to put away in savings is up to you and your DH doesn’t need to know.

Now you are married, he will have an entitlement to the property

As he contributed to the purchase with the deposit it's only fair he has an entitlement, women usually claim an entitlement even if they've contributed nothing!
In the MN lexicon is his £200,000 being kept as his running away money, the same as woemn are encouraged to conceal???

@JudgeJ £200k running away money! That's a long way to go.

Why would anyone marry someone they are not on the same page as when it comes to finances. Setting yourself up for disaster.

OP I think you need to see the paperwork which evidences the £200k savings.

Hopefully it's all ok but he could be taking out loans in your name or hiding something. Why doesn't he want his name on your deeds? My worry would be he already owns a property and wants to keep that from you in case of divorce.

Just make sure you have full disclosure and do not take his word as gospel.

£90 is not insane for good quality bedding.

To be honest I would think saving £200k, on the sort of salaries the OP’s dh has had, would be relatively easy, especially if he was as good a saver as OP says.

My dh retired on ill health about 18 years ago, so only had an income (pension and benefits) of less than £900 a month. I qualified as a nurse about 14 years ago and managed to save almost £100k in the following 10 years, before I had to unfortunately also retire on ill health grounds.

If someone said they had £200k in another account the other person may feel the need to spend it on unnecessary things and so I would definitely keep it quiet if I had that much.

Then that's a sign of a completely dysfunctional marriage.

If there are differences in spending priorities, in a healthy relationship, these are discussed & agreed.

I think your income should absolutely not be private and your partner should know what you earn but I think what you choose to put away in savings is up to you and your DH doesn’t need to know.

Why is ok to know each other's salaries but not savings? How would that even work? If you know each others salaries, and you know your outgoings, then it will be obvious what the savings are.

It's completely wrong to have a massive pot of savings you haven't disclosed to your spouse.

Absolutely - I wasn't arguing he shouldn't

My point was: she got a mortgage based on her own income, in her own name. However, he has a claim by virtue of marriage & not solely linked to his deposit contribution.

Meanwhile, OP has exhausted all her savings on a wedding, got a property needing lots of work, when they could have afforded a better house, all the time unaware that he had £200k (I mean - £200k!!) saved up that only he knew about.

I qualified as a nurse about 14 years ago and managed to save almost £100k in the following 10 years,

That's very impressive - but how on earth?

You saved £10k or so a year so more than £800 a month, with limited other income coming into the house, and never needed y touch it? No house repairs, car purchases, unexpected outlays? On a modest salary.? I'm really impressed that you could!

I’m afraid I can’t see the financial sense in putting a small deposit on a house because you want to keep your money to make the repayments - if your DH had put a larger portion of his savings into the deposit in the first place, that would have meant smaller repayments?

or would have got you closer to a forever home??

and why wouldn’t he want to be on the deeds?

I think it's important that all finances are transparent so you are not being unreasonable.

You ARE being unreasonable though to hire a trades company who can do a big job like that on minimal notice. That rings all sorts of alarm bells 🙈