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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding dress shopping

186 replies

Thebigday · 22/08/2023 13:12

I’m getting married next year.

We have two kids together (DD12 and DS10). I also have a DSD16 who we have EOW.

When we first booked to get married DSD showed a lot of interest into what dress I might pick and I’m at the point of thinking I need to go out and actually do some wedding dress shopping soon.

I asked my DD would she like to come the other day and she said yes and asked if her nan would come (my mum) and I said yes.

I also said I might invite DSD but she doesn’t want me to invite her. I feel a bit stuck now! I haven’t officially invited dsd luckily but DD has said she thinks this is a special mother:daughter thing and she wants it to be just her and doesn’t want to share the experience with dsd.

I understand her point completely as dsd has her own mum to do this with if she ever gets married but I feel a bit mean.

Is it mean or is it fine?

Feel like I’m stuck in the middle but I need to prioritise my daughter over dsd.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thebigday · 25/08/2023 19:29

iamwhatiam23 · 25/08/2023 19:13

expressed interest in dsd prom dress and I never got an invite. Her mum went. She could of invited me and dd but she never. I forgot about that until a poster mentioned but it’s made me believe Iv made the right choice.

Are you for real? You are an adult and she is a child!! Although its very obvious where your DD gets her nasty streak from 🙄

She’s 16 and she could of at least included her sister even if I wasn’t invited but she never.

Should of realised before I posted that everyone favours the step child and step mothers are evil on here. God forbid a mother puts their own child needs and wants first.

OP posts:
delphi13 · 25/08/2023 19:44

I haven't read all the replies but think she should be included. She'll be hurt if not and it's amazing that you've got a great relationship with her that she wants to be part of it. So many step relationships aren't this good and that should be celebrated. People take a whole host of spectators to do wedding dress shopping. It's nice to include people that are interested. I had friends, in-laws to be and my own family. Admittedly over quite a few trips whilst I decided. I went by myself a couple of times as I couldn't make my mind up and I think people were getting bored of my indecision 🤣
It's a fun thing to do with a group though. I went accessory shopping with my mum alone and that was a lovely experience. Maybe do that with her and you and let your SDD join in on the wedding dress bit. It's such a fortunate situation that she actually wants to be part of it.

iamwhatiam23 · 25/08/2023 20:03

@Thebigday i really don't know why you even bothered asking on here because its very obvious you were always going to do what your DD wants! You are doing the relationship between your DSD and DD no favours and also you are not helping your DD to realise that she doesn't always get what she wants!

Chantholtmouse · 25/08/2023 20:16

Thebigday · 25/08/2023 19:29

She’s 16 and she could of at least included her sister even if I wasn’t invited but she never.

Should of realised before I posted that everyone favours the step child and step mothers are evil on here. God forbid a mother puts their own child needs and wants first.

Show quote history

There's a big difference between wedding dress shopping and prom dress shopping. Proms are a shitty made up American thing. Weddings are important. I agree with the above poster who said she has no idea why you started this thread as you clearly had your mind made up. Your step daughter will see this for what it is but I doubt you'll care.

SpunkyGibbon · 25/08/2023 20:51

You may try and look the beautiful bride but inside ... People will know

Again have you/will you show this post to your future husband ? I asked this ages ago and you refused to answer directly, just saying he's been happy with you for 15 years - means nothing

Skinthin · 25/08/2023 23:31

Thebigday · 25/08/2023 18:33

I was replying back to a poster talking about tradition of wedding dress shopping.

My dd isn’t trying to invent a new tradition and I haven’t said she’s said that, she just wants it to be a mother/daughter thing and Iv decided I’m fine with that.

I expressed interest in dsd prom dress and I never got an invite. Her mum went. She could of invited me and dd but she never. I forgot about that until a poster mentioned but it’s made me believe Iv made the right choice.

I’m not creating a new family, I already have my family. Absolutely nothing will change after I get married except my last name.

Show quote history

Oh good Lord, please don’t try to equivocate the prom dress nonsense and the wedding:

  1. I don’t sincerely believe for a second you gave a toss; which is why you didn’t even remember it until the pp brought it up.
  2. DSDs prom had nothing to do with you. This wedding has everything to do with her- you are marrying her Dad. It’s a celebration of the legal union of two families which she is very much a part of and should be made to feel welcome in.
  3. she is a child and you are an adult. There’s no equivalence of her being able to make you feel excluded in the same way you can make her feel excluded.

As a side, If marrying your DP genuinely means nothing to do then why are you doing it?

Skinthin · 25/08/2023 23:36

Thebigday · 25/08/2023 19:29

She’s 16 and she could of at least included her sister even if I wasn’t invited but she never.

Should of realised before I posted that everyone favours the step child and step mothers are evil on here. God forbid a mother puts their own child needs and wants first.

Show quote history

Step mothers aren’t evil. There have been a number of other step mums on this thread who have posted and told you YABU. Just because your attitude towards being a step parent stinks doesn’t mean the majority are like that.

Original poster
Thebigday · 26/08/2023 01:50

Skinthin · 25/08/2023 23:31

Oh good Lord, please don’t try to equivocate the prom dress nonsense and the wedding:

  1. I don’t sincerely believe for a second you gave a toss; which is why you didn’t even remember it until the pp brought it up.
  2. DSDs prom had nothing to do with you. This wedding has everything to do with her- you are marrying her Dad. It’s a celebration of the legal union of two families which she is very much a part of and should be made to feel welcome in.
  3. she is a child and you are an adult. There’s no equivalence of her being able to make you feel excluded in the same way you can make her feel excluded.

As a side, If marrying your DP genuinely means nothing to do then why are you doing it?

Show quote history

you can think what you like. I don’t care….. like really don’t care.

DSDs prom had nothing to do with me yet posters have been going on about how we are family. Make up your mind. We are either family or we are not. If we are family then it does have something to do with me.

Either way, Iv made my choice now so that’s done and it doesn’t matter how much everyone keeps going on.

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · 26/08/2023 07:37

You’d made your choice before you posted.

Buildingthefuture · 26/08/2023 07:55

What a bizarre thread! You post asking if you should take your DSD with you when you go wedding dress shopping, everyone says yes and then you say nah, I’m not going to? Why post at all? I suspect because you had already decided you weren’t going to take her and wanted other people to agree that it was fine. No one did! I think it’s mean spirited of you. If your daughter was the DsD in this situation, would you want her to be included? I suspect you would.

Possimpible · 26/08/2023 08:15

@Thebigday you can think what you like. I don’t care….. like really don’t care

You must be a medical marvel, having a 12yo DD when you're clearly 12 years old yourself. This has been a horrible thread OP, you've made up your mind but your attitude stinks.

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