Wedding dress shopping

[Thebigday]

I’m getting married next year.

We have two kids together (DD12 and DS10). I also have a DSD16 who we have EOW.

When we first booked to get married DSD showed a lot of interest into what dress I might pick and I’m at the point of thinking I need to go out and actually do some wedding dress shopping soon.

I asked my DD would she like to come the other day and she said yes and asked if her nan would come (my mum) and I said yes.

I also said I might invite DSD but she doesn’t want me to invite her. I feel a bit stuck now! I haven’t officially invited dsd luckily but DD has said she thinks this is a special mother:daughter thing and she wants it to be just her and doesn’t want to share the experience with dsd.

I understand her point completely as dsd has her own mum to do this with if she ever gets married but I feel a bit mean.

Is it mean or is it fine?

Feel like I’m stuck in the middle but I need to prioritise my daughter over dsd.

I imagine that with DD being 12 and DSD 16, DD has been in a blended family her whole life. So she has learnt plenty? And maybe she wants this experience with just her mum. Nothing wrong about it. DSD is not her mum. If DSD wants to be involved then OP can indeed do two shopping trips.
I am really surprised that the DD's wish is being completely dismissed here. If she asked for it then it's important to her. And if her own mother won't listen then who will?

I meant OP is not DSD's mum

Going against the grain here.

I think its fine if just you and dd go, you will go to plenty of bridal shops. You could even do another vist just you and dsd or with dsd and dd.

I took only dd when I tried on dresses I also took dd and dsd. It just depended on when I went, especially as some were last minute decisions.

I also made it an exciting shopping experience and day out trying on bridesmaid dresses and took dd and dsd all out togther to try dresses on all day. Lots of bridal shops do appointments for bridesmaids try ons as well.

However, if this would really upset dsd, then you shoukd re consider. And the only way to know this is ask her opinion.

(And before anyone suggests, i have a great relationship with dsd, they love spending time at ours and there are never any problems o'r anyone e feeling g excluded or left out)

I think your Dd is correct.
It is a mother and daughter thing.
Thank her for pointing that out and leave her at home while you go shopping with your mum

I think you should ask DSD definitely. It’s not a mother-daughter thing - not daughter of the bride -only in the sense of the bride’s mother and the bride.

Let DSD come. You'll get you mother/daughter moment when your DD is getting married.

You've been in her life her whole life - you are marrying her dad - she should be very much part of it. Teach your DD to be fair and generous.

No 🙄 if your daughter refused , not your step daughter
Of course listen to your daughter then explain why it would be a rude thing to do
God this is hard work......

I actually meant to write DD miss moody. 😂

This is how I feel. DSD mother could get married at any point and DSD would be able to go with her own mum but if I dismiss DD feelings she could resent me.

Everyone seems real quick to push DD feelings to the side in favour of DSD.

I am not disappointed in my daughter for being able to come to me and speak to me. Il never be disappointed in her for telling me how she feels.

Then write the correct thing 🙄it may help, glad you are finding potentially hurting your DSD feelings amusing
Grow up and learn some manners

If she's been in your life for 15 years then she must consider you a step mum. Id be flattered that she wants to come and definitely take her! I think it's cruel to leave her out when she's asked. If you're going to be a blended family you can't pick and chose when you accept DSD as your own.

@Thebigday Everyone seems real quick to push DD feelings to the side in favour of DSD.

Erm no, everyone is telling you to put manners and kindness over rudeness and unkindness.

Anyone else wondering if OP was OW..? 16yo DSD, 15 year relationship, 'needing' to prioritise her daughter over DSD... Could it be that now he's finally proposed you feel you've finally won OP, and can push his daughter out of your new family?

Grow up yourself, it was an accident. Get a grip.

I'd take DSD but also speak to DD and explain that as you are marrying DSD's Dad then she is as much a part as DD is. However you agree that you need to do something just Mum and Daughter and come up with an activity for the 2 of you?

You can get personalised wedding day fragrances. Maybe take DD to something like and have a girls lunch afterwards.

Please stop making up stories to suit your own little twisted mind.

I wasn’t the OW.
We have been engaged for years but prioritised buying a house and doing it up first, if that’s ok with you…
My OH is the one pushing to actually marry me.
I prioritise my daughter over dsd as she is my daughter! Pretty bloody simple why I would put her first.

Lol, the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree has it ?
It wasn't an accident, it was a mistake, fare enough but it changes the meaning completely
Why are you so defensive and angry ? Because you know you are being unfair perhaps?

Shopping for a wedding dress is traditionally a mother/daughter thing, for the bride and her mother, not the bride and her child.

And if DSD has been in your life for 15 years, so since she was 1, and you have a good relationship, I don't know why you would consider not inviting DSD to go with.
Your daughter might not want her to be there, and of course, her feelings are valid, as are DSD's feelings at being left out.

If I were in your position, I would speak to your dd and explain that, as part of the same family, DSD has as much right to be there with you as your DD does

I presume you plan to visit multiple shops? If so take DSD along to 1/2 and go to some without and just DD

Invite the dsd.

I think it's pretty cruel not to tbh.

I’m going to go against the grain and say DSD has her own mum, you aren’t her mum, so I understand why a 12 year old who is maybe feeling insecure and a bit threatened by her step sister wants to do something special with just her mum and nan. I would invite DSD to the second fitting. My wife has a step mum and she didn’t invite her to come wedding dress shopping as she has her own daughters to go with.

Do whatever you like @Thebigday
Let your 12 yo dictate to you who you have there
Don't take any advice on here unless it's what you want to hear
Post the complete opposite of what you really mean
Expect people to understand your bad manners or attack them
You think your DSD will understand ? Poor, poor girl

👌🏻