Wedding dress shopping

[Thebigday]

I’m getting married next year.

We have two kids together (DD12 and DS10). I also have a DSD16 who we have EOW.

When we first booked to get married DSD showed a lot of interest into what dress I might pick and I’m at the point of thinking I need to go out and actually do some wedding dress shopping soon.

I asked my DD would she like to come the other day and she said yes and asked if her nan would come (my mum) and I said yes.

I also said I might invite DSD but she doesn’t want me to invite her. I feel a bit stuck now! I haven’t officially invited dsd luckily but DD has said she thinks this is a special mother:daughter thing and she wants it to be just her and doesn’t want to share the experience with dsd.

I understand her point completely as dsd has her own mum to do this with if she ever gets married but I feel a bit mean.

Is it mean or is it fine?

Feel like I’m stuck in the middle but I need to prioritise my daughter over dsd.

I feel for this child. I really do.

Or you could treat your DSD fairly and invite her to both. No reason why she should be excluded except that your dd has thrown a tantrum.

I’d just take your mum. Narrow down your choices, then invite both girls to the second visit.

Me too.

Is DS involved in any wedding prep with his Dad so DSD is the only one left out?

Your daughter having to share you with DSD doesn't even make sense. Your daughter gets you nearly all of the time and DSD is there EOW. DD also gets her Dad all of the time.

A bit of a shitty trick not to take her if she's shown interest.

I think it sends a clear message that she is seen as a second class citizen in their household.

As I said before it's pretty pathetic that DD would complain about 'sharing' OP when DD has the same father as DSD but is able to get 4 x the amount of quality time with him compared with DSD.

Is that fair? Well it's not about fairness it just is what it is.

Imo OP is allowing her decisions to be driven by negativite, selfish attitudes, rather than promoting kindness and inclusivity.

Going by the previous posts I'm guessing DD is the extrovert and DSD is the introvert, and seeing as DSD "showed a lot of interest what dress I might pick" it seems like this could provide be an ideal opportunity for her and DD gel? Opportunity missed I guess.

I don't get it - DD doesn't want her half sister there and doesn't speak to her at all when she isn't "visiting" (hmm) but has known her her whole life. That's quite a weird situation.

I think you'd be wrong not to take DSD who has shown an interest and clearly wants to be involved. Yes, DD has voiced an opinion but all you have to do is say "I want you both there for a fun day" and then that's it. It's not like you're insisting she come shopping with you and DD for DD's wedding dress. You have been in DSD's life for basically all of it, she's your family.

I think it’s really shit that you’ve decided not to include your SD, she’ll be so hurt even if she doesn’t say it. Yeah so your daughter (to suit what she wants to happen) decided it’s a mother daughter tradition but it isn’t, and especially in the case of a blended family, weddings and the preparations imo should include all the children equally. As for saying you feel sorry for your daughter having to share you, don’t be so ridiculous. If anyone should be feeling hard done by re ‘sharing’, it should be your SD.

DSD doesn’t speak to DD either ….. it’s a two way street.

But if your stepdaughter has shown interest in the dress, then dress shopping is going to be more meaningful than the other activities you suggest. She will feel excluded because she has shared her interest. I don't see why it's a case of one child resenting you either way.

Surely this is a teaching exercise for your daughter and that you can explain it will hurt your stepdaughter if she was excluded in something she has shown interest in as a family. Also, your daughter is mistaken that this is a mother/daughter thing — her wedding would be of course but this wedding is about officially blending the family.

I think you are making a hurtful mistake not inviting your stepdaughter.

Why are you so defensive? I'm not blaming your daughter. It's just incredibly weird that two sisters NEVER speak other than when DSD stays. It's a very odd dynamic.

I also think it's strange you need advice on whether to exclude a girl whose life you have been in since she was basically a baby. And seem to be clearly going to. I'm a step parent before you get your back up even more.

What reason are you going to give for not inviting her after she has expressed an interest in going with you @Thebigday ?

My backs not up and I’m not defensive. I’m just replying to your post pointing out DD never speaks to her sister between visits when in fact neither of them speak to each other between visits. You may think it’s an odd dynamic but there are plenty of siblings out there that are not close at all and it’s fine as long as they are both happy with it and I don’t see either of them moaning about it.

I don’t need to give a reason. I will just arrange it for a weekend she’s not here.

What if she asks why you couldn't go when it was your weekend with her @Thebigday ?

How incredibly shitty.

She hasn’t asked to come, just expressed interest in the type of dress so she won’t ask why couldn’t she come.

I'm unfollowing this thread now as it's making me feel sad. Poor kid.

Enjoy your big day marrying this girl's Father.

Dick move. I really hope you reconsider, this is so nasty.

Ok il arrange it on a weekend she is here and leave her with her dad.🙄

Now that would be shitty.

God you really aren't listening to a thing people are saying are you? Poor girl.

Enjoy your wedding.

I don’t think you are listening.

Iv said I thought about it and Iv decided to just take dd. You don’t agree and that’s fine.

Fuck me , you sound incredibly nasty @Thebigday
I wish your soon to be husband all the luck in the world

Stupid comments like this make me laugh….. like you think it’s a dig.

We have been together 15 years… If he thought I was that terrible he could have ended it years ago. 🤔

Why do you really not want her there? I just can't understand why your daughter's minor disappointment with dress shopping not being exactly as she imagined it trumps potentially hurting your stepdaughter, especially as the wedding is about you marrying her father. The wedding and planning is a full family occasion not just for you and your daughter. Is there something more going on here? I just don't get it.

Your poor ‘D’SD having such a vile step mum and half sister. I wish her all the happiness in the future and hope karma comes for you