to think that men are just fucking noisy and I am not "sensitive" to noise?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

2 (ex) husbands. 2 Sons. 4 Daughters.

Every single man I have shared a house with has been so sodding noisy! Why simply open a door when you can wrench it open and slam it shut?! Why walk when you can stomp?!

My BIL, my father, my partner (we dont live together by choice), all noisy. My DD's, my sister, my mother, me....we just dont galump around like rhino's on acid.

And no, its not weight or size. Some of the women are larger/heavier than some of the men and yet still seem to manage to navigate their way through the world without sounding like they are invading a nation.

Sick to bloody death of youngest DS (17) wrenching his bedroom door off the hinges, stomping into the bathroom, slamming the doors, stomping down the stairs..... Got cross tonight and he said "yeah, dad said you are oversensitive to noise". FFS, I am a metal fan! Loud noise does not bother me, but unneccessary loud noise does! DS's dad is 2 inches shorter than me, and when we were married, weighed less than me but still managed to make more noise than the audience at a Taylor Swift gig...ok exaggerating but you get the point.

Really? It made you laugh?

It made me really sad. I would be so deeply hurt if that was me.

Normally my OH doesn’t annoy me, but he will I’ll with a cold recently - oh lord you’ve never heard snorting, coughing and harumphing as loud.

turned out the poor sod has blocked ears too so didn’t realise how noisy he was being. Thank fuck it was temporary.

I'm very glad that my husband is not a galumpher, he was raised by a very severe woman who values quiet immensely and taught her sons to do things quietly.

I grew up with four brothers who were not taught this at all and galumphed to their hearts content, slammed doors, broke glasses, sneezed at ten million decibels... Etc etc.

I'm very grateful for my mother in law's strict parenting, that's all I'll say.

I'm really surprised that people are bothered or excided about presents beyond a certain age. Me an my other half don't really bother with presents. We tend to buy the things we need/want. What we do do is spend they day together and go out and do something .

Is this just another thread where women are supposed to come to agree with each other that all men are cunts?

I thought this was a parenting site - as in not specific to women - rather than a man-hating forum?

I'm glad to see that at least there's more than me on the thread who thinks some of these posts are out of order.

Who would ever believe that some of us have decent, respectable husbands, fathers, sons, and male friends and colleagues.

Oh honestly, I love my DH to bits, he’s a wonderful father and husband and we’ve been very happily married for 25 years. He is also extraordinarily noisy and clumsy. All those things can be true at the same time.

I'm the one who breaks things in our house. I'm much clumsier than DH. And noisier roo I reckon.

Hambokki · Today 01:27
Men are big brutes that clomp around and break things in your house. I agree that it’s possible for them to control. They just don’t for some reason”

You’re mixing with the wrong men. mine don’t.

"misandry" is a made up word. Made up by men who don't like to be called on their shit, and used by their handmaidens as part of their pick me dance.*

LOVE THIS

I’ve managed to break 2 pairs of my DH’s specs!

I would have quite liked a lawnmower for my 30th. For my 40th, DP got me a really good wheelbarrow.

Dh sneezes so loudly, that when we lived in our semi, even the neighbours mentioned it😂
I tried him at his own game and sneezed loudly, thought I'd dislodged my tonsils, and reverted to quiet sneezing!

This! I’m fed up of hearing the word “misandry” rolled out

I think it’s more common in men than women to be like this. It comes down to a general lack of consideration for others, I think, which is also more common in men than women.

My exh was also a bit like this so I sympathise!

My mother is a bit of an exception as she is entirely incapable of keeping her voice down, and is generally quite noisy. I can’t work from home in any house that she’s in, for example.

Every partner I’ve had has been unnecessarily loud and seemed to take up way more space then they need, eat more than they need, constantly whistle or sing loudly, burp/fart constantly etc but my sons, father and brothers are all normal/quiet.
I think a lot of men are brought up with a massive sense of entitlement, especially around noise, food and space.

Yes my 2 sons are blissfully quiet and are astonished by the noise their father makes!

I personally don't think "loudness" is a gendered attribute at all. I know plenty of loud men and women and plenty of quiet men and women. Importantly I can only characterise their loudness according to my own subjective basis just like everyone else does.

MN suffers hugely from selection bias. Firstly, far more women post here than men and secondly people with problems with their partners post more often about their issues than people who are content. Of course, that is not to say that many issues are not real and symptomatic of the systemic sexism we face, but sometimes I do feel that we take every issue that some women have with their partners as a general class issue with men and many MN posters and women just swallow that uncritically.

My view is that in any relationship there will be a noisier and quieter person relatively. Generally it is the quieter person that will be annoyed by the louder person. Put that through the selection bias on MN and we have lots of women complaining about noisy husbands and thus all men are noisy and inconsiderate.

It would be far better if we focussed on making our streets, schools and workplaces safe places for women and girls and getting more equitable parental leave arrangements so that men are enabled to take a more significant role in early years parenting and career impact is more equally spread between the sexes. Labelling all men as noisy, space-hogging inconsiderate entitled arseholes is just divisive and encourages tit for tat response from misogynists and doesn't really help women at all.

My advice for OP is to talk to her husband and son about their behaviour and how it affects her rather than going on this site and insinuating that this is a problem with all men.

Quite

but this is mumsnet, it’s fine

Searching all posts on MN 'misandry' appeared 98 times in the past 6 months across the entire site. 'Misogyny' appeared 3,455 times.

I don't think you need to worry.

I posted because of DS. I have actively chosen not to live with another partner, partly because of issues like this! I know NAMALT but ime more are than arent, thats my lived experience.

DS is 17 and can make a hell of a racket just opening his bedroom door. He doesnt use the handle then open the door, he starts using the handle and pulls at the door at the same time and the noise! I have already told him that when he knackers the door completely, as I have no doubt he will, then I am not replacing it. I am just banking on him going to Uni in a year to get some peace. Eldest son was the same. Him going to the loo is amazingly noise. Bedroom door opened then slammed. Bathroom door opened then slammed. Loo seat slammed up then down..... and yes I do say something every time but it makes no difference. I dont think he realises just how noisy he is.

The car door slamming..... he does that too! Doesnt matter how many times I ask him not to, he still does it and claims that he didnt slam the door. The fact that whenever he does it he gets a "FFS!!!! Will you PLEASE not slam the door" doesnt seem to register.

DP, who I say again, I dont live with out of choice, is a very noisy walker, but I have put that down to many years in the army as when I think about it he seems to march everywhere rather than walk. I have a female colleague who walks the same noisy way and she is ex army too.

And no I didnt actually get the lawnmower for my 30th. I had made a joke about my birthday, I cant remember what but say it was like "oh look at that lovely Aston Martin, maybe you could get me one for my birthday!" and the conversation went from there. It transpired that I was getting a lawnmower as "We need a new one" I am not a gardener, he did all the mowing etc. I was upset, not because I make a big deal out of birthdays but because it was so uncaring. I said I would rather have nothing than that thank you and got accused of being too demanding. One of many reasons he is an ex.

And I had 6 children because I wanted them. Of course I didnt expect a quiet life, but there is a difference between a busy home and one that sounds like you are living in the bass drum at a rock concert!

Funnily enough I was thinking about this just before I saw this thread. I live on a street that leads straight into a town centre with houses in every direction around me, I can hear men shouting pretty much constantly, very rarely women.

Returned to this thread after peeking at it early this morning and being put off by some of the first posts (which I agree - were hateful). Glad that there have been some sensible rebuttals

Have to say that dh and ds (young adult) are not noisy galumphing great oafs. I suspect noisiness is personality related rather than gender related

@AllyCart - can't quote your post but I am appreciating your work

@QueenCamilla you can't back up 'the vast majority' you're exaggerating

Thank you! 😄