to think that men are just fucking noisy and I am not "sensitive" to noise?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

2 (ex) husbands. 2 Sons. 4 Daughters.

Every single man I have shared a house with has been so sodding noisy! Why simply open a door when you can wrench it open and slam it shut?! Why walk when you can stomp?!

My BIL, my father, my partner (we dont live together by choice), all noisy. My DD's, my sister, my mother, me....we just dont galump around like rhino's on acid.

And no, its not weight or size. Some of the women are larger/heavier than some of the men and yet still seem to manage to navigate their way through the world without sounding like they are invading a nation.

Sick to bloody death of youngest DS (17) wrenching his bedroom door off the hinges, stomping into the bathroom, slamming the doors, stomping down the stairs..... Got cross tonight and he said "yeah, dad said you are oversensitive to noise". FFS, I am a metal fan! Loud noise does not bother me, but unneccessary loud noise does! DS's dad is 2 inches shorter than me, and when we were married, weighed less than me but still managed to make more noise than the audience at a Taylor Swift gig...ok exaggerating but you get the point.

Men ARE noisy and seem unaware.
My ex husband bought me an iron for Mother’s Day one year because I “needed a new one”. He didn’t think there was anything wrong with that at all😂

we all know NAMALT.
But plenty of women on this thread have shared how the men in their lives, and in their experience, are loud acid-consuming galumphing-rhinos.

How about you just listen? (or can't you hear them over the sound of galumphing rhinos?)

Being noisy and taking up room isn't something MN invented that men do (again: NAMALT). It is something millions of women have observed.

This isn’t my experience. My partner and adult son aren’t noisy at all. My father was, but then so was my mother. Some people are just noisier than others.

"Women’s ability to recognize male behavior patterns is misandry."

My DH is not like this. I’m the loud sneezer in our house. The only thing he does loudly is burp. I tolerate it because he has diverticular disease and suffers from wind a lot. Fortunately just from the top end.

DH wakes up at 6.15. Every morning to get around the bed, he basically kicks it with every step, shaking me awake. He sleeps on the sofa now.

I can hear him now, on a phone call in the garden. I am three rooms away. This isn’t an exaggeration in any way.

I live in a house on a corner plot, with particularly wide pavements outside. On weekend mornings, especially sunny ones, this is the preferred spot for a) men walking dogs to stop and bellow at each other, b), men seeing each other on opposite sides of the road to bellow at each other, c) men running together to have a loud bellowed conversation on the way past and d) men cycling together to have a loud bellowed conversation on the way past.

Why do I say men? Because I can fucking hear them! I do hear women say cheery hellos but that’s it. I hear every word of what the men say to each other and they go ON and ON and it’s always LOUD.

I've certainly witnessed men who take up far too much space and take up too much noise, and for a lot of them it's certainly a manifestation of entitlement. If I'm forced to be in the same space as them - if it's a male colleague or a rugby team in the pub or a stag party on public transport - it's definitely a problem.

What I don't understand about this thread, and many like it, is that the complaints are all about people's husbands/partners. Why are so many women choosing to marry and cohabit with men who they don't enjoy being around?

NAMALT is usually unhelpful but in terms of choosing a life partner to cohabit with it's actually incredibly important for young women to understand. You don't have to be saddled with a galumphing rhino for the rest of your life if you don't want to be.

It is MUCH easier to choose not to co-habit than find a well-mannered man who can be trusted with possessions.

(might be one of the reasons why the current situation with the tradies is that they're... Shite. Confident, loud, talk the talk and then also fuck up everything! )

I've chosen not to ever take the risk of sharing a household with a man. I'm not feeling lucky enough to test another one.

I’m the one who is accused of stomping around. TBF though, I am deaf and I don’t hear myself most of the time

I think entitlement is the key actually as my sister in laws are the same as DH. If they step on your foot, they expect you to apologise for being in the way, type people. Largeness is also a factor, they are all well over 5.11, 20 stone etc so gazelle like smoothness is not an option.

i agree that many women seem to be stuck with arses who are really not husband material. This doesn't always manifest itself until after children and then they suddenly a) realise what a (noisy) arse he is and b) feel less able to leave

Sometimes the noise (mine stopped noisily opening doors when i told him to STFU and i would wake him leaving the room in the mornings) is something you can put up with, sometimes people are just having a bit of a moan about an otherwise lovely man.

It isn't necessarily always the thing that will break a marriage.

And as for the woman with the wide pavement? part of it could be, of course, that the men are more and louder. It could also be that we as women are more attuned to noisy men?

when my father came to visit us in France we had a large Renault for journeys and a Quat, 4 for local jaunts. My dad was 6.2” but not huge, fit, a walker, fit, in his sventies, not old nd decrepit. He would get out of my car and arm extended, slam the door with all his considerable might - why? - one day whilst I was still sitting in the car he slammed the door so hard I screamed, the car was rocked! When I tearfully remonstrated with him, shKy and ears ringing (R4 is like a tin can) he looked at me like I was mad. the car door closed itself, I had told him this repeatedly.
I started using our hefty heavy built like a tank Renault - he would climb out with grunts and groans then lean on the car door as though he was about to collapse, unnecessary theatre. By the time he left after 3 long weeks, both cars needed expensive garage attention.

Mum used to say it was attention seeking, he nearly drove her mad with his noisy antics. She was a quiet lady, would say - how can anyone make so much noise conducting a simple task, even dropping the toilet seat loudly to make sure it woke her - until she bought a self closing one, foiled!

Mum used to call him bellows - Henry, do stop bellowing !

He was bloody minded, perverse and disrepectful of her sensiblities, breaking things and slamming about were his hobbies, yet he was a model guest in othr peoples homes apparently, which proves that boorish behaviour is intentional.

btw, It isn’t true that large people are necessarily clumsy and awkward - they are invariably light on their feet and make good dancers.

Oh he was actually on the plane . I was freaking out there for a moment 😱

On the whole men are noisy and seemingly unaware of their impact. They are generally loud and spread to take up space in the world. Women are getting louder though. Women on a drunken night out are worse than men these days.

In my family my DH who is a big chap is quiet and careful but he is an only child of parents who like peace and quiet. Apart from coughing and sneezing which is just ridiculous. My 12 year old is like a bull in a china shop. She is tall and probably has dyspraxia (according to the person who diagnosed her dyslexia). She stomps around crashing into things and is very destructive.

@gannett

I do not know why so many women choose to partner up and live with men whose habits they can't stand. Did you not think that it might be worth finding someone you actually enjoy being around to share a house with?

excatly!

On the whole men are noisy and seemingly unaware of their impact. They are generally loud and spread to take up space in the world. Women are getting louder though. Women on a drunken night out are worse than men these days.

tbh I find the shrieking and screaming of drunken women far more of an assault on my ears than the booming of drunk men.

Hmm ok not all men

Having said that, when I sleep over at my DP's I am regularly woken in the night by his snoring and in the morning by his farting, sneezing, (loud snorting and sniffing follow shortly after), and usually coughing for good luck 😂

Then goes in the shower and blasts music/sports commentary very loudly.

He even breathes loudly 😂

Poor man, I am very sensitive to noise and he knows not to chew food anywhere near me when he remembers

@gannett
But sometimes they hide these things when you first spend time together 😂

Then by the time you realise you're hooked and it's too late!
I probably hid my bad habits too, to be fair, and I'm sure my DP has a bit of a harrumph about that now and again.

But we don't live together which is the difference, I suppose.

I agree.

I’m really surprised by the answers.
I don’t think I’ve met one man who is noisier than his partner.

I always feel a bit sorry for men in a family of mostly women because they are always over powered and end up being a bit overlooked.

I have no idea where the majority of men from this thread are because I’ve never heard a man slam a car door.

Its a running joke that women slam car doors and men hate it.

I did know a guy who used to sneeze loudly which would drive me mad but on the whole I would say that women are noiser than men or just as noisy as each other.

In my family, I'm the noisy/clumsy one. I try really hard not to be, but unless I ferociously concentrate all the time I somehow end up always breaking stuff or making noise/mess. I do clear up after myself, and I know not to touch stuff like the wedding crystal glassware etc.

DH knows I try hard not to be like this, I'm really hoping medication will help (for ADHD) - it's not easy living like this, for either the person doing it or the person putting up with it.

I'm loud as fuck, I stomp everywhere, talk loudly and sneeze like a shotgun.

DH on the other hand is a ninja and one day he will scare me to death by just appearing behind me.

Choosing not to cohabit seems like a very positive route! Nothing wrong with that.

None of my relationships in my 20s led to cohabiting because I could only imagine getting annoyed with those men if I had to live with them. (Almost certainly vice versa too, given that I tended to be the messy and chaotic one.) Then I found DP, who of course has habits I find mildly annoying, but still tolerable and outweighed by all the ways I actively enjoy being around him. (Vice versa here too, I guess.)

The idea of ploughing on ahead into cohabitation with someone whose habits drove me up the wall... I just cannot understand it! The point - the only point - of choosing someone to live with is that you enjoy living with them.

this whole "your partner will completely change after children" thing is maybe the thing I've read on MN that most makes me glad to be childfree. Things like sleeplessness and stress were quite predictable to me but this one never really occurred to me.

they don't all change. But the fucker-waster-types do behave until they think they have you trapped.

Mine, for eg, was brilliant before DCs, was brilliant while the DCs lived at home, and is frankly, excellent now they have left home. (but fuck me he did used to open doors loudly)