Just don’t know how I am going to get to Sunday without exploding

[Holidaynervousbreakdown]

On holiday in lovely resort with DH DCs and PILs who we invited as they’ve had a tough year. I kind of regretted asking them after we did as MIL is so stressful and I know I have no one to blame but myself.

Basically been looking forward to this all year, DH and I both needed a holiday so much. I KNEW it was going to be stressful though DH kept saying it won’t be that bad. It is, and worse.

Cannot go and sit by the pool with my book as MIL simply doesn’t stop talking. DH said to her today I think R wants to read mum but she just started up again five minutes later. If I sit in another part of pool ‘for the shade’ she moves next to me. I ended up just going in today and reading inside.

Our apartment is on the ground floor, PILs have apartment on higher floor. Our apartment just gets used for toilet and kitchen purposes with MIL just coming in. We have a one bedroom apartment with DCs in bedroom and sofa bed in kitchen/living area. I went for a sleep today and MIL just came in and went to the loo
and was bustling about.

Tried to get a break today and bumped into her on way to shops. She ended up
coming even though I just wanted to walk to the supermarket and have an hour to decompress. Spent the hour going round supermarket instead with commentary on everything I put in trolley and whether it was needed or not.

Every day is just running commentary of questions and thoughts on plans for the day, when exactly is everybody doing stuff, no spontaneity at all like there would be if it was just us.

They have all gone out for an evening walk and I’m alone in the apartment trying not to cry. The resort is so lovely and without them we would be having such a relaxing time, I know I have no one to blame but myself. DH and I talked alone about coming back here next year and I said sorry not doing this again with your parents and he just acted really hurt. We can only afford one holiday like this a year and I just can’t do this again.

This^

And while I confess I did poke fun at you it was actually a couple of other poster who suggested you should read more.

I highlighted that we are all different and some people do enjoy reading on holiday.

but honestly I thought you were doing a parody. Sorry

Exactly!

Or just tell your DH he is to closely babysit his mother so you can have a day’s peace.

Why all this pussyfooting around?

🤣🤣🤣

As a child I would hide under the bed with a book if I didnt want to do chores.My mum taught me to read before I went to school and I never stopped. Just home from hospital I've got about a dozen books to read. I read 1984 aged about 9. I would pinch the News of the World as a kid and read articles my parents disapproved of us reading. In the end the papers were hidden where we couldn't find them. I like big books with a minimum of 500 pages. I get totally engrossed in a book and people know I'm not listening when I'm reading. So I think you need to emphasise to your MIL that you get engrossed in books and don't take in Conversation around you when you're reading. She gradually needs to see it as your hobby and learn not to disturb you. Once she can do that your more likely to stop and chat to her for half an hour and both of you will be happy. Get your dcs to tell their gm that they and your dh k ow to give you space to read in peace and quiet. Happy reading

Just give her wine, she will eventually fall asleep.

Are you able to book them on a few day trips as a "treat' get them out of the picture for a day or two?

You too will be a MIL one day! - it is heading your way faster than you think! - it might be worth trying to get inside her head for everyone's sake.

Why is she jabbering on? Is it because she desperately wants to be as irritating as possible and likes to annoy you? Or is it because she has not grasped that you are finding this hard? Or maybe she feels that as she is on holiday with you she needs to be sociable and that it would be rude to ignore you?

We are used to being quiet together and just existing side by side in our nuclear families, but it might not feel quite so comfortable in a wider family context.

Instead of being irritated, maybe think through what the problem is a communicate your needs to MIL. Tell her that you need to just rest peacefully with your book till x time and then maybe we could plan a walk together. Give her some idea of what your expectations and hopes are. How can she know that this is not what you want unless you find positive ways of spelling it out for her.

It might be worth giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming that she is not setting out to be annoying.

Thanks everyone. Had a fantastic day out and have already told DH I will be going to the beach for two hours tomorrow am with my book and he is not to tell anyone where I am!! It’s been a tough lesson but I am absolutely resolute this is never ever happening again.

Just reading this put my teeth on edge. I can't stand to be followed around by a person talking incessantly! There's not a lot you can do without insulting MIL. Wait -- you could tell her you have a bad cold and start carrying a box of kleenex and cough a lot in front of her. Tell her she must stay over 6 feet away from you, so she won't catch it. With that cold you'll need to sit alone in the fresh air to read your book. It's a little fib but it might save your sanity and relationship with your MIL.

What’s “shit mermaids” in Icelandic? This is important!

Is it appropriate to take up one person’s time when there are other family members?

Her son and grandchildren are also there. MIL seemingly has no issues with them to be left to their own devices as well as FIL, yet not OP. It’s a bit odd she doesn’t want to spend time with her other family members.

Why do people faff about. Just say please stop talking I'm trying to read, relax or whatever. Say I love you but for God's sake shut up. Simple

my life as a meme

Hope the solo visit to the beach is going well for you @Holidaynervousbreakdown .

I hope you have a relaxing time solo at the beach today

These are not mutually exclusive activities!

Hello everyone 👋

My kids are here!!!

Your DH needs to manage his DM so you get some peace. Why are you looking after her all the time? No wonder you’re stressed!

I don’t get why everyone is allowing her to stifle you, wander about in your part of the apartment and just never ever leave you in peace. You seem to just be hoping she’ll pick up on your discomfort but she isn’t because she lacks self awareness. Why don’t you and your husband tell her that you want some uninterrupted time? Having to sneak off to hide is ridiculous. She’s an adult - why can’t he talk like one to his own mother?

Thanks everyone - have read half my book, a lovely relaxing morning at the beach! I even bought myself a bikini for the first time in 25 years and wore it there- no one batted an eyelid but it was a big deal for me. Saw MIL on way to beach and firmly stated I was off to run some errands 😂

It's difficult when you're not compatible. I was worried going on holiday last year with DH, DCs and just DF as DM had recently passed. I thought he would be like your MIL but he sat and read a book on his own for a bit each day and I got some quiet head space.

Hi op what a nightmare and yes I bet fil is having a wonderful time!
Im glad you have managed to assert yourself and make it worked for you.