Not going to SIL wedding party

[Strawberry06]

Wondered what peoples thoughts were on this;

My husbands half sister is eloping to Vegas in September and they are having a 'wedding party' when they get back which is 20th October. We knew nothing about the party until we got the invite a couple of weeks ago.

We have said we won't be going due to the following reasons;

The party is some 350+ miles from where we live (husbands family live in South East, we live in the North East). It would take us longer to travel there than the duration of the event itself!

I will be 24 weeks pregnant by this point and don't really fancy the long journey at that stage.

It is also my husbands birthday and our wedding anniversary the week after and we have plans.

Our decision not to attend is being met with hostility by my husbands Mum, his half sister and his other sister as they all travelled to our wedding and think it isn't fair that we aren't doing the same. Our wedding was a whole day event, booked well in advance with enough notice. I can't help but feel she's let people know very last minute at this stage in the year when people may not have leave left and its an awful long way to travel just for a party. Had it been an all day event and we'd known in advance of course we'd have been there. Even if we'd known about the party in advance we might have planned a visit around it to make it more worthwhile.

AIBU?

Yes YA still BU - some people travel hours and hours, different countries for parties of only a few hours long - including me - But granted I have actually liked the people who were hosting the party.

TBH, I think “triple the time travelling” is less relevant than “can’t get the leave”.

If you can’t get the leave, you can’t go.

If you just think it’s a faff for a 4 hour party, then you can go, but saying it like that that seems a bit rude.

Of course, it should be enough to just say no, but in real life, people want a reason. It’s best to have a polite reason to tell them, rather than, “I really just can’t be arsed”, even if that is true.

Some people like driving more than others. I remember one year my ILs must have spent half a day's worth of time on the motorway between Christmas Eve and Boxing day visiting various different relatives. They get annoyed at us when we don't always want to drive somewhere far away to meet because it doesn't seem to be a big deal to them. Horses for courses I guess.

Yes, and lots of people told you that yes, they would undertake that kind of travel for the occasion of a sibling's wedding party. Then you decided it was about the leave and the lack of relationship with the siblings - neither of which can have changed in any meaningful way since your OP!

I think it’s quite obvious from the OP that she didn’t have the leave available. If she did have a few spare days, then the long travel for a short trip and/or and having a trip booked the following week would be less of an issue as it would give more options (eg stay longer with ILs, join the trips together). Which a lot of people have suggested but aren’t possible with no spare leave.

Any stage of pregnancy you'll be exhausted you're growing a new human. Don't go if you don't want to go. They can huff if they want. Get them a lovely wedding gift if you can afford it.

You and your husband sound extremely precious and awkward,

One day you will need your family and they won’t be around because you made zero effort. And it will serve you right.

Why so many zombies threads today? @Cocolebombom and @carelesser this thread is six months old. Probably the baby has arrived by now. And the wedding was four months ago.