Page 11 | Not going to SIL wedding party

Strawberry06 · 2023-08-21T14:51:53+00:00

Wondered what peoples thoughts were on this; My husbands half sister is eloping to Vegas in September and they are having a 'wedding party' when they get back which is 20th October. We knew nothing about the party until we got the invite a couple of weeks ago. We have said we won't be going due to the following reasons; The party is some 350+ miles from where we live (husbands family live in South East, we live in the North East). It would take us longer to travel there than the duration of the event itself! I will be 24 weeks pregnant by this point and don't really fancy the long journey at that stage. It is also my husbands birthday and our wedding anniversary the week after and we have plans. Our decision not to attend is being met with hostility by my husbands Mum, his half sister and his other sister as they all travelled to our wedding and think it isn't fair that we aren't doing the same. Our wedding was a whole day event, booked well in advance with enough notice. I can't help but feel she's let people know very last minute at this stage in the year when people may not have leave left and its an awful long way to travel just for a party. Had it been an all day event and we'd known in advance of course we'd have been there. Even if we'd known about the party in advance we might have planned a visit around it to make it more worthwhile. AIBU?

Coyoacan · 25/08/2023 14:34

I don't understand why you posted, OP?

The vast majority of us disagree with you, but apparently it is out of your hands, so why ask?

Original poster

Strawberry06 · 25/08/2023 14:45

@Lavender14 I agree but we don't really have a relationship with his two sisters. We are much older than them with not much in common and only see them when WE make the journey to visit the rest of the family.

We can't really alter our plans and I think its a bit unfair to expect us to when we had them booked way in advance.

I'm not saying she should have sent STDs but at least voice is verbally, even her Mum could have told my DH - they speak every week on the phone!

OP posts:

SadAndMushyAndComplicated · 25/08/2023 15:04

Coyoacan · 25/08/2023 14:34

I don't understand why you posted, OP?

The vast majority of us disagree with you, but apparently it is out of your hands, so why ask?

Yes, this is my question too.

Pipsquiggle · 25/08/2023 15:09

Did you actually ask for an extra day off or to amend your holiday leave?
Which sectors do you work in that it's impossible to flex holidays a bit? My DSis is a midwife and she would be fine to ask /amend/ edit holidays for October.

I just don't know why you posted when you are so entrenched and not open to the majority of opinion.

I can also understand why your DH's family are hostile if your DH explained why you aren't going in the terms you have laid in the OP

Makemineacosmo · 25/08/2023 15:12

Strawberry06 · 25/08/2023 14:45

@Lavender14 I agree but we don't really have a relationship with his two sisters. We are much older than them with not much in common and only see them when WE make the journey to visit the rest of the family.

We can't really alter our plans and I think its a bit unfair to expect us to when we had them booked way in advance.

I'm not saying she should have sent STDs but at least voice is verbally, even her Mum could have told my DH - they speak every week on the phone!

Perhaps they would like to have more of a relationship, hence the invitation. There must be some relationship there for you to have invited them to your wedding and for them to make the effort make the journey to attend.

You are not unreasonable to decline any invitation you like of course.

ExtraOnions · 25/08/2023 15:12

I’m guessing the family are secretly delighted that the “fun sponge” isn’t coming.

Brefugee · 25/08/2023 15:22

that's mean and uncalled for @ExtraOnions

Nanny0gg · 25/08/2023 15:26

SadAndMushyAndComplicated · 25/08/2023 15:04

Yes, this is my question too.

Show quote history

I agree with the OP.

It's madness for a 4 hour party!

VitaminDee · 25/08/2023 15:29

‘20th October. We knew nothing about the party until we got the invite a couple of weeks ago.’

What an odd comment. How were they meant to tell you before inviting you?!

WhatNoRaisins · 25/08/2023 15:31

I think these threads almost bring out a competitive element in some with posters claiming they'd do all sorts of things (that they most likely wouldn't) in order to go to a family wedding.

Original poster

Strawberry06 · 25/08/2023 15:32

Makemineacosmo · 25/08/2023 15:12

Perhaps they would like to have more of a relationship, hence the invitation. There must be some relationship there for you to have invited them to your wedding and for them to make the effort make the journey to attend.

You are not unreasonable to decline any invitation you like of course.

Show quote history

To be honest, no. It was just seen as 'they are family better invite them' type thing. We actually regret our decision of a big family wedding, it sounds clique but we didn't have our wedding for 'us' we saw it as a family event, but it didn't really turn out the way we hoped but what's done is done can't change it. The two sisters were upset I hadn't asked them to be bridesmaids and one of them (the one whos party it is) actually made a big scene on our day because she wanted to get married. That might come across as I'm holding a grudge but I'm not it genuinely comes down to I (me and DH agreed) think its too far to go for just a party.

OP posts:

Original poster

Strawberry06 · 25/08/2023 15:33

WhatNoRaisins · 25/08/2023 15:31

I think these threads almost bring out a competitive element in some with posters claiming they'd do all sorts of things (that they most likely wouldn't) in order to go to a family wedding.

I've been thinking that myself all along!

OP posts:

SadAndMushyAndComplicated · 25/08/2023 15:34

Nanny0gg · 25/08/2023 15:26

I agree with the OP.

It's madness for a 4 hour party!

Show quote history

That doesn’t answer the question of what OP wanted from the thread.

Original poster

Strawberry06 · 25/08/2023 15:39

Pipsquiggle · 25/08/2023 15:09

Did you actually ask for an extra day off or to amend your holiday leave?
Which sectors do you work in that it's impossible to flex holidays a bit? My DSis is a midwife and she would be fine to ask /amend/ edit holidays for October.

I just don't know why you posted when you are so entrenched and not open to the majority of opinion.

I can also understand why your DH's family are hostile if your DH explained why you aren't going in the terms you have laid in the OP

Most jobs you get a set amount of days leave entitlement that can't be changed. As we're now nearly in September, most of that leave has already been used and what's not used is already booked and allocated to other things. We only get 4 weeks and a week has to be used for Christmas leaving us with 3 weeks so as you can imagine most of that will have been used.

Most people have spoken about not explaining reasons yet here I am having to explain my annual leave!

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BogRollBOGOF · 25/08/2023 15:46

If it's not logistically practical to attend, it's not logistically practical. The travel: party ratio would put a lot of people off. 2 months notice when people will need leave/ accomodation will limit some peoples' ability to accept the invitation.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 25/08/2023 15:46

WhatNoRaisins · 25/08/2023 15:31

I think these threads almost bring out a competitive element in some with posters claiming they'd do all sorts of things (that they most likely wouldn't) in order to go to a family wedding.

“Overdue with triplets, SPD and HG but I made the effort to fly to Australia for my stepsister’s cousin’s neighbour’s Bat Mitzvah with three hours’ notice, OP has no excuse.”

Original poster

Strawberry06 · 25/08/2023 15:47

BogRollBOGOF · 25/08/2023 15:46

If it's not logistically practical to attend, it's not logistically practical. The travel: party ratio would put a lot of people off. 2 months notice when people will need leave/ accomodation will limit some peoples' ability to accept the invitation.

This was my thoughts exactly but it would seem I'm wrong!

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Holdontowhat · 25/08/2023 15:55

Stop saying 'half sister' she's his sister. It's clear you are saying this to try to distance their relationship and it is incredibly bitchy and immature

Original poster

Strawberry06 · 25/08/2023 15:57

Holdontowhat · 25/08/2023 15:55

Stop saying 'half sister' she's his sister. It's clear you are saying this to try to distance their relationship and it is incredibly bitchy and immature

Did you read my last few posts?! I've not mentioned the word half once!

But they have a different Dad - she is his half sister!

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Pipsquiggle · 25/08/2023 15:59

TBH OP you sound a bit 'woe is me' - you are entrenched and immovable.

I know how annual leave works thanks - I know some sectors / companies have justifiably stricter policies on holiday. Mine has fairly strict policies as we have a lot of employees and have to have a certain amount of cover, however, this does not stop me from asking to make changes to my holidays if my circumstances change. Sometimes they can be accommodated, sometimes they can't. I was asking whether you had even asked

Original poster

Strawberry06 · 25/08/2023 16:06

Pipsquiggle · 25/08/2023 15:59

TBH OP you sound a bit 'woe is me' - you are entrenched and immovable.

I know how annual leave works thanks - I know some sectors / companies have justifiably stricter policies on holiday. Mine has fairly strict policies as we have a lot of employees and have to have a certain amount of cover, however, this does not stop me from asking to make changes to my holidays if my circumstances change. Sometimes they can be accommodated, sometimes they can't. I was asking whether you had even asked

The point is I don't have the leave. Its as clear as that. I shouldn't need to justify why I don't

OP posts:

Original poster

Strawberry06 · 25/08/2023 16:08

And I am not entrenched. Many have said being 24 weeks pregnant isn't an excuse and I said I agree.

OP posts:

SadAndMushyAndComplicated · 25/08/2023 16:11

What did you want from the thread then OP?

If you had posted the simple facts that it was impossible to attend due to a lack of leave and that it wasn’t a big deal as DH isn’t close to the sister rather than a load of irrelevant flannel about your pregnancy then you would have had very different responses.

Original poster

Strawberry06 · 25/08/2023 16:21

SadAndMushyAndComplicated · 25/08/2023 16:11

What did you want from the thread then OP?

If you had posted the simple facts that it was impossible to attend due to a lack of leave and that it wasn’t a big deal as DH isn’t close to the sister rather than a load of irrelevant flannel about your pregnancy then you would have had very different responses.

Like many posting in the same topic I was curious to hear others opinions. At that stage it was still ongoing.

I did state in my original post that leave was an issue but not that it was impossible. My question was more to do with travelling to a party that will take triple the amount of time to get there and back than the duration of the party itself - whether I was being unreasonable in that respect.

OP posts:

UsingChangeofName · 25/08/2023 16:24

SadAndMushyAndComplicated · 25/08/2023 16:11

What did you want from the thread then OP?

If you had posted the simple facts that it was impossible to attend due to a lack of leave and that it wasn’t a big deal as DH isn’t close to the sister rather than a load of irrelevant flannel about your pregnancy then you would have had very different responses.

This.

You never mentioned either needing leave, or the fact that you hadn't got any leave left in your first post, but only brought that in to it once people said YWBU.

If you can't get there (due to leave) then you can't. End of. Nothing to do with all the gubbins you put initially.