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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DS's new GF a CF or AIBU?

325 replies

Toolittl · 21/08/2023 11:32

Adult DS 25 still lives at home. DH and I go away every weekend in our caravan and so his newish GF 26 and also still lives at home (who I have yet to meet in person) comes and stays with him which I'm absolutely fine with she lives 3hr drive away. The last 2 weeks we've come home and she's left used panty liners both in the bathroom bin and in DS's wastepaper bin in bedroom.
I don't know how to broach it with him. He will take it that I don't like her without meeting her etc. It's not like she's a young kid at 26, personally I would either empty both bins before I left or pop them in my wash bag to take home with me. I left the caddy bags out as a hint this weekend. I would be mortified to think someone else would see something so intimate and for context they're not wrapped back up in their packet either.
Opinions?

OP posts:
ClementWeatherToday · 21/08/2023 13:49

I would just be polite enough to empty at least the bathroom bin myself before I left

It isn't a question of politeness though. If anything, it's a question of "what is logistically normal in your home".

Theseventhmagpie · 21/08/2023 13:53

I’m with OP
Disgusting

WishIwasElsa · 21/08/2023 13:53

I cannot believe anyone would think that another woman should wrap and take home sanitary wear if anything is grim that is quite frankly.

I also think that anyone suggesting panty liners etc shouldn't be used as they are bad for the planet is being V unreasonable. Not your body not your business!

They are in a lined bin but if it really nowhere you just ask ds to empty bins before your return.

YearoftheRabbit23 · 21/08/2023 13:56

It sounds like an awful lot of people here don't wrap their used pads/panty liners before binning them, which is gross! No one wants to see someone else's bloodied used pads, it's really not difficult to roll it up in the wrapper of the next one, that's what the sticky tab is for.

I agree with OP that the girlfriend should be wrapping them up. Then it's not a problem to dispose of it in a lined bathroom bin.

SadAndMushyAndComplicated · 21/08/2023 14:01

Hang on. You never spend a weekend at home? What about in the winter?

Tell DS to empty the bins. It can become one of his jobs. With the run of the place as a weekend shag pad and you cleaning up after him he will literally never move out.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 21/08/2023 14:02

I would usually wrap them up (loo roll etc.) but I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with not doing so. Simply putting them in is also less wasteful, which could be seen as her being a considerate guest.

as for her taking them home? No, that would be massively unreasonable to me! I wouldn’t want used sanitary products in my handbag when there’s a perfectly good bin I could put them in.

so yes, yabu.

hungryhippo25 · 21/08/2023 14:04

I would wrap them in loo roll but honestly, she's using a bin for it's intended purpose. What's the issue? I think it's very unreasonable to suggest she takes them away with her. That's insane.

Upwiththelark76 · 21/08/2023 14:06

I’m with you OP. Personally find that rank.
you just wouldn’t . Well I wouldn’t if I was a guest in someone’s home .
also get your adult son to empty his own bins so you dont have to

Taketurn · 21/08/2023 14:06

You can tell who the nasty ones are. That shit is disgusting. Period. No one is saying that she shouldn't have binned them but surely be decent enough to wrap them up properly, no?

Roundandnettledr · 21/08/2023 14:07

I think it’s sad that people can be so upset by natural body fluids, just shows how much we’ve been conditioned to hate women’s bodies

SadAndMushyAndComplicated · 21/08/2023 14:09

That shit is disgusting. Period.

Grin
Pandorapitstop · 21/08/2023 14:10

She’s a dirty dog

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 21/08/2023 14:11

Roundandnettledr · 21/08/2023 14:07

I think it’s sad that people can be so upset by natural body fluids, just shows how much we’ve been conditioned to hate women’s bodies

It's not a hate of women's bodies at all. I wouldn't want to see someone else's used condom, jizzy tissues, shitty tissues or anything like that in any bin...or out of any bin.

Putting an unwrapped 'sunny side up' pad in your boyfriend's mum's bin is just weirdly entitled. You're making someone you've never deal with your bodily fluids.

At 26 she should have some basic bloody common sense how to act in someone else's home.

billy1966 · 21/08/2023 14:11

WeirdBarbie · 21/08/2023 12:11

You are not being even slightly unreasonable.

Tell DS to empty bathroom bin after she’s been.

I would have zero difficulty spelling out his need to empty both bins.

I most certainly wouldn't leave them in the home of another person.

My 17 year old was on her period and brought home a bag of her bits to put in our bin and I have never had any conversation about it.

I know because I saw her discreetly going out to the bin after arriving home.

That his girlfriend didn't even wrap them is positively disgusting.

I really wouldn't be impressed.

GingeNinga · 21/08/2023 14:14

whilst I think YABU expecting her to take them home, I think it’s disgusting that she isn’t wrapping them before binning. It’s bodily fluids and they can be hazardous, hence why in hospitals there’s separate bins and most public toilets have sanitary disposal bins, a lot even asking to pop it in bags provided so it doesn’t stick to the bins.

It’s all fair and well going “oh the bin is lined”, but what if the bag rips? OP is then having to deal with it. It’s just common sense/courtesy to wrap either in the original wrapper or some tissue. I wouldn’t leave them unwrapped in my own home, let alone anywhere else! It is also grim that she’s leaving them in the bedroom bin, just walk to the bathroom bin and dispose.

OP just casually mention it to your son - could either he make sure the bins are emptied after she’s left, or could he remind her to wrap her used liners and dispose in the BATHROOM bin.

Ienjoyedthebarbiemovie · 21/08/2023 14:16

Where do you want her to put them? Where would you like them to put used condoms?

The only issue is that your son is a lazy sod, teach him that he needs to take equal part in looking after his home

Babyghirl · 21/08/2023 14:16

Surely she can wrap them up in a bit of toilet roll before putting them in the bin 😳, I would not want anybody seeing my used panty liners. More so not my dp family if I have never met them.

MzHz · 21/08/2023 14:16

Traxz · 21/08/2023 11:36

Its a bin....!?!?!

Ah, but this is MN… all manner of weird stuff about bins

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 21/08/2023 14:18

GingeNinga · 21/08/2023 14:14

whilst I think YABU expecting her to take them home, I think it’s disgusting that she isn’t wrapping them before binning. It’s bodily fluids and they can be hazardous, hence why in hospitals there’s separate bins and most public toilets have sanitary disposal bins, a lot even asking to pop it in bags provided so it doesn’t stick to the bins.

It’s all fair and well going “oh the bin is lined”, but what if the bag rips? OP is then having to deal with it. It’s just common sense/courtesy to wrap either in the original wrapper or some tissue. I wouldn’t leave them unwrapped in my own home, let alone anywhere else! It is also grim that she’s leaving them in the bedroom bin, just walk to the bathroom bin and dispose.

OP just casually mention it to your son - could either he make sure the bins are emptied after she’s left, or could he remind her to wrap her used liners and dispose in the BATHROOM bin.

If the bag rips: OP will give her son a pair of gloves and tell him to clean it.

Or put on the gloves herself and empty the bin, I imagine.

As I said, I would wrap mine. But would that really make it sanitary (in the case of ripped bags, pathogens etc) or is that just a convenient illusion?

NumberTheory · 21/08/2023 14:19

Expecting someone to take their used sanitary products home with them is seriously misogynistic.

I always wrapped mine and put them in the bin. I don’t like them unwrapped but this is just different etiquette for disposal it is nothing whatsoever to do with being a cheeky fucker.

saffronsoup · 21/08/2023 14:24

I am surprised how many people don’t roll or wrap up their pads or tampons and just chuck the bloody things in an open bin at a family or friend’s house.

I would never do that. No friend or family wants to look at an open bloody discharge covered product.

I am really surprised how many think that is perfectly normal or acceptable to not roll or wrap. I don’t think any guest has ever left a wide open bloody pad in my bin, they all roll or wrap.

Ace56 · 21/08/2023 14:25

Sorry, where did the OP say she wanted the gf to take used sanitary pads home with her?

The issue is that she’s not wrapping them before putting them in the bin. My housemate does this and I agree it’s gross - you wrap the used one up in toilet paper before binning it - isn’t this what everyone was taught?! Especially in someone else’s house.

BellaVita · 21/08/2023 14:25

It’s a non issue.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 21/08/2023 14:26

Ienjoyedthebarbiemovie · 21/08/2023 14:16

Where do you want her to put them? Where would you like them to put used condoms?

The only issue is that your son is a lazy sod, teach him that he needs to take equal part in looking after his home

No the issue is the girlfriend thinking it's okay to leave dirty sanitary products not wrapped up in someone's bedroom bin.

Traxz · 21/08/2023 14:27

Ace56 · 21/08/2023 14:25

Sorry, where did the OP say she wanted the gf to take used sanitary pads home with her?

The issue is that she’s not wrapping them before putting them in the bin. My housemate does this and I agree it’s gross - you wrap the used one up in toilet paper before binning it - isn’t this what everyone was taught?! Especially in someone else’s house.

from the OP
"personally I would either empty both bins before I left or pop them in my wash bag to take home with me"