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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DS's new GF a CF or AIBU?

325 replies

Toolittl · 21/08/2023 11:32

Adult DS 25 still lives at home. DH and I go away every weekend in our caravan and so his newish GF 26 and also still lives at home (who I have yet to meet in person) comes and stays with him which I'm absolutely fine with she lives 3hr drive away. The last 2 weeks we've come home and she's left used panty liners both in the bathroom bin and in DS's wastepaper bin in bedroom.
I don't know how to broach it with him. He will take it that I don't like her without meeting her etc. It's not like she's a young kid at 26, personally I would either empty both bins before I left or pop them in my wash bag to take home with me. I left the caddy bags out as a hint this weekend. I would be mortified to think someone else would see something so intimate and for context they're not wrapped back up in their packet either.
Opinions?

OP posts:
Yellowdaysaregood · 21/08/2023 14:30

What's with people thinking this is ok? Absolutely not, wrap them in nappy sacks chuck in outside bin FFS, apart from the fact she seems to think it's some kind of hotel where the maid empties the fucking bins Jesus.

Rubiconmango · 21/08/2023 14:38

Toolittl · 21/08/2023 12:10

Bathroom bin is lidded with a bag in it, but I still have to open the bin and see the contents, I don't empty DS's bin. I took some clean washing in this morning and there they were. There's a bag in that too.
I get it IABU.
I would just be polite enough to empty at least the bathroom bin myself before I left. I make sure there's a clean bag in every Friday before she comes, I wouldn't leave anything for anyone else to see. DH and DS don't use it. I did tell DS to let her know if there was anything she needed sanitary wise it's all in the bottom drawer, there's as someone else suggested nappy sacks, pads, tampons and wipes there should she need.

We get it. It's gross to not wrap them up. But the bathroom bin is lidded and your sons bedroom bin is his personal bin, in his personal space, and she's his personal affair.

We all know you absolutely should not be saying anything negative to your son about her and get her back up like that. We all know the narrative of the boys mum, and it seems you're being a tad anal op! Turn the other cheek and don't be so fixated. I mean you actually typed 'it's a lidded bin, but I don't want someone's used bloody sanitary towel staring at me when I open the bin lid'. Read that back.

This runs a little deeper than a sanitary towel display. I'd tread carefully and manage my 'there's another woman in my sons life' emotions, before going around acting like the matriarch of the house over a sanitary towel.

Gwenhwyfar · 21/08/2023 14:44

"I go through all bins before emptying them so that I can take out anything that should be recycled."

That's disgusting and an invasion of other people's privacy. Tell the people in your house to recycle first. You shouldn't be putting your hands in the bin.

Sugargliderwombat · 21/08/2023 14:44

Tell your grown arse son to empty the bins. He must have seen it too.

Rubiconmango · 21/08/2023 14:44

Ienjoyedthebarbiemovie · 21/08/2023 14:16

Where do you want her to put them? Where would you like them to put used condoms?

The only issue is that your son is a lazy sod, teach him that he needs to take equal part in looking after his home

Lmao! This.

Seems like the matriarch isn't happy about another woman ;-)

We all know it's absolutely vile to leave your wet pads exposed. They also smell, so it's generally good manners if anything, to wrap them before disposing, in any shared place.

But I sense this isn't the main issue here lol I mean OP even suggests she collects them and takes them home.

I think OP needs a mother's meeting on how not to handle your baby boys gf.

In her posts you can see how she went straight for the gf (a guest - dirty, but a guest lol) instead of finding ways to get her son to move a muscle lol

Gwenhwyfar · 21/08/2023 14:44

Aishah231 · 21/08/2023 11:57

I get you OP. It's disgusting and thoughtless. I'm not sure this can be dealt with tactfully you'll have to just tell your son it's disgusting and can his girlfriend not do it. It's also very wasteful - do people really need to use pantyliners? Imagine the landfill.

It's not for you to decide whether OP's son's girlfriend needs to wear panty liners. Some women do (often for the end of their period).

RedSkiesandAllies · 21/08/2023 14:45

This runs a little deeper than a sanitary towel display. I'd tread carefully and manage my 'there's another woman in my sons life' emotions, before going around acting like the matriarch of the house over a sanitary towel

Nope, my dd17 has her own bathroom and we have a cleaner, however, I have told dd and her friends to WRAP their used pads and liners. I don't see the issue in pointing this out. It is common decency and takes seconds to do.

Leaving used pads 'sunny side up' and exposed isn't some liberating strident leap forward for today's women, it's unpleasant and unnecessary especially as there is someone that has to empty the bin - regardless of lids and liners.

LordEmsworth · 21/08/2023 14:46

Why is everyone assuming she's constantly having a period? The OP mentioned pantyliners, they're not much cop if you're bleeding... So there's no reason to assume that the OP is being faced with a bloodbath every single Sunday evening.

Yes, vaginal secretions are bodily fluids. So is mucus, but for some reason, no one is saying she should be equally ashamed of blowing her nose and putting the tissue in the bin. Why is that, I wonder...

Gwenhwyfar · 21/08/2023 14:47

"Oh come on! You’d all seriously be happy disposing of someone else’s used sanitary ware? I’m with you OP."

Yes, of course. I wouldn't want it in my toilet so I'd accept that it goes in the bathroom bin.

Rubiconmango · 21/08/2023 14:47

Sugargliderwombat · 21/08/2023 14:44

Tell your grown arse son to empty the bins. He must have seen it too.

No no. That's her baby boy loooooool

I'd hate my bfs mum to be posting shit like this about me on here. I'd run a mile. No gf in 2023 is dealing with the telling signs of a future monster in law who's son is her precious lol

She needs to back off. Yes gf needs to wrap them up, but as many stated, she's not exactly sticking them to matriarchs mirrors and carpets lol

CuteCillian · 21/08/2023 14:48

Why is your son not emptying his own bedroom bin at 25yrs old??
I can't think beyond this question. I would have no idea what my 21 year puts in the bedroom/bathroom bin!

Gwenhwyfar · 21/08/2023 14:48

" The OP mentioned pantyliners, they're not much cop if you're bleeding..."

Many women use them for lighter period days.

"Yes, vaginal secretions are bodily fluids. So is mucus, but for some reason, no one is saying she should be equally ashamed of blowing her nose and putting the tissue in the bin. Why is that, I wonder..."

Well, obviously people think periods/vaginal secretions are disgusting and we should all be ashamed.

Gwenhwyfar · 21/08/2023 14:51

Yellowdaysaregood · 21/08/2023 14:30

What's with people thinking this is ok? Absolutely not, wrap them in nappy sacks chuck in outside bin FFS, apart from the fact she seems to think it's some kind of hotel where the maid empties the fucking bins Jesus.

Not everyone has nappy sacks. I didn't even know they existed before I read about them on MN and it's normal to use bins inside someone's house rather than outside - it's what the bathroom bin is for.

Barney60 · 21/08/2023 14:52

Im with you on this, wrap in toilet paper before putting in bin or take home, i take mine home from anywhere else ive been to stay, if i opened my bin and one was on top not even tried to hide it id think was gross.

Fuckthatguy · 21/08/2023 14:52

OP I’m 100% with you on this, it’s revolting and your sons GF should learn some etiquette.

Nothing to do with shaming anyone, I don’t even want to deal with snotty tissues let alone someone else’s used pads.

Also, don’t empty his bins.

Beurla · 21/08/2023 14:52

Yup. Don't see any problem with it. If they were on the floor is another story..

Keyworks · 21/08/2023 14:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Gwenhwyfar · 21/08/2023 14:53

WishIwasElsa · 21/08/2023 13:53

I cannot believe anyone would think that another woman should wrap and take home sanitary wear if anything is grim that is quite frankly.

I also think that anyone suggesting panty liners etc shouldn't be used as they are bad for the planet is being V unreasonable. Not your body not your business!

They are in a lined bin but if it really nowhere you just ask ds to empty bins before your return.

I've heard the argument that they should be taken home on here before, but mainly from those who refuse to have bathroom bins.

I totally agree about the environmental issue. Nobody should tell a woman what to do with her vagina.

Gwenhwyfar · 21/08/2023 14:53

"your sons GF should learn some etiquette."

Etiquette? Is it in Debrett's? This is obviously a matter of opinion, not etiquette, as you can see from the replies here.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 21/08/2023 14:56

Surely its common sense to wrap sanitary products though?

MoreThanEnoughSoFar · 21/08/2023 14:56

Even when I'm on my own, I wrap my PL up in toilet-paper/the wrapper and put it in a little plastic bags before I put them in the bin (but I have a touch of OCD.) Still, if I'm out, I use my dogs black poo-bags, because I don't want anyone to look at that. I don't find it acceptable to dump used PL for the next person to stare at.

Yes, it's a natural process, but so is having your period, and I'm not okay with anyone dumping used tampons directly in another person's bin. I just don't want to see other people's discharge/blood, and I find it unhygienic that anyone would (pardon) be that big of a swine and force others to stare down at that.

Redavocadoes · 21/08/2023 14:59

If it was me I'd roll and wrap the liner in the wrapper or in loo roll, and hide it further down the bin. But clearly her family haven't taught her to do that and she thinks it's fine. I cannot comprehend this, but ......

Just say to your son that nobody likes looking at other people's sanitary stuff and could she either wrap them or could he empty the bins before you get back.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 21/08/2023 14:59

In the same vein though, if it was a boyfriend visiting the house and he was leaving used condoms or jizzy tissues (with the jizz in full view) in the bin, I'd find that just as gross. Not because it's sex related, but it's just not something I'd want to see.

Perhaps a smeggy tissue would be a better comparison but now I feel a bit ill...

DoraSpenlow · 21/08/2023 15:04

Poivresel · 21/08/2023 11:39

At someone else’s home used pads go in a nappy sac or similar and then in the bin unless the bin already has a liner then you would surely tie it up and put it in the main bin before going back home.
It’s absolutely gross to leave them unwrapped for other people to dispose of.

Absolutely agree with this. What you would do in your own home is different to what you do in someone elses. Even wrapping in loo paper is better than leaving everything on view.

Similar, in my book, to not flushing the loo and leaving it for someone else to sort. We all know everyone poos and women have periods but we don't want to look at other people's excretions.

Queenofheart · 21/08/2023 15:07

I've not read the full thread yet but I am shocked that everyone is saying "it's a bin" yes it is and I don't think the OP would have a problem if she was wrapping them and putting them in a bin in a sealed bag for instance, it's the fact they are open and just left in there, surely they will start to smell after a few house when not disposed of properly!

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