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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DS's new GF a CF or AIBU?

325 replies

Toolittl · 21/08/2023 11:32

Adult DS 25 still lives at home. DH and I go away every weekend in our caravan and so his newish GF 26 and also still lives at home (who I have yet to meet in person) comes and stays with him which I'm absolutely fine with she lives 3hr drive away. The last 2 weeks we've come home and she's left used panty liners both in the bathroom bin and in DS's wastepaper bin in bedroom.
I don't know how to broach it with him. He will take it that I don't like her without meeting her etc. It's not like she's a young kid at 26, personally I would either empty both bins before I left or pop them in my wash bag to take home with me. I left the caddy bags out as a hint this weekend. I would be mortified to think someone else would see something so intimate and for context they're not wrapped back up in their packet either.
Opinions?

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 21/08/2023 13:21

pontipinemum · 21/08/2023 11:46

No I get it, I always wrap pads etc back in their wrapper. If I wasn't using a new one I'd wrap the old one in tissue no one wants to see that. People not wrapping them gets them stuck on the trays in public loos to.

EXACTLY!

anyone who doesn’t do this is a bit gross in my opinion

SallyWD · 21/08/2023 13:22

I have friends who do this. I personally wouldn't (I'm very private and squeamish about bodily functions!) but I think it's pretty normal.
Can I ask what you think she should do with them? They're supposed to go in a bin!

Maireas · 21/08/2023 13:22

They're not tampons or pads. You don't have to touch them. You're emptying a bin, not going through it. You take the bin liner out, tie it up, put it in the wheelie bin. What's the problem?

villamariavintrapp · 21/08/2023 13:23

Just get your son to empty the bins, now that his girlfriend is staying over at weekends that can be his chore. Presumably he's not disgusted by her vaginal discharge, he'll have seen it before.

Angie147836 · 21/08/2023 13:23

The only person at fault here is your son for not emptying the bins and tidying up after hosting a guest in your home.

crazeekat · 21/08/2023 13:23

not worth the fuss or the embarrassment of a new girlfriend who u don't really know yet but for what it is worth it's pretty gross and i don't want to be emptying someone's minging period pads and i would never expect anyone to do this for
me either. it's not a hotel.
yea if i was in someone's home and could dispose of the pad in the outside bin, i would put them in a bag and take the out myself.
i'd hate for anyone to see my dirty period pads. and not cos i'm a prude or want to hide the fact i menstrual for shame before anyone starts, it's the same as i wouldn't want anyone to have to remove my snotty hankerchief, or chean the toilet after i've had a poo. it's just decent bloody manners.

crazeekat · 21/08/2023 13:25

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 21/08/2023 11:34

You expect her to take them home with her? That is insane. She is a guest in your home, if it is a problem for you to realise she has a vulva you should probably seek therapy for your hangups.

what does having a vulva have to do with leaving a dirty period pad for someone else to remove?

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/08/2023 13:26

HoppingPavlova · 21/08/2023 13:09

I get it OP, but nothing to be done really. Oddly, DD and her friends all seem to have periods at same time, so if she has several people over, or even one or two staying overnight the toilet bin is often overflowing with lid forced up as they just seem to chuck them in without rolling them up. Invariably there are some that stick to the inside of the lid as well even though the bin is lined. I’ve gone through 3 bins now but same issue so unless I get something huge it seems to be user error. When I used pads, I would roll them and put them in the packaging from the new replacement pad and I never had this issue so I just don’t get it.

@HoppingPavlova

of course there is something that can be done! You tell your daughter and her friends to wrap them up!
dont be so passive

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/08/2023 13:27

crazeekat · 21/08/2023 13:25

what does having a vulva have to do with leaving a dirty period pad for someone else to remove?

Show quote history

@crazeekat

you don’t have to be in need of therapy to not want to deal with some random’s uncovered used sanitary wear , ffs

oviraptor21 · 21/08/2023 13:27

Bathroom bin with a lid and a bag - not a problem though much higher ratings for a gf who rolls them up and puts the next wrapper round them.
Bedroom wastepaper basket - yuck!

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/08/2023 13:28

villamariavintrapp · 21/08/2023 13:23

Just get your son to empty the bins, now that his girlfriend is staying over at weekends that can be his chore. Presumably he's not disgusted by her vaginal discharge, he'll have seen it before.

@Toolittl

yup , get your son to do it

Hankunamatata · 21/08/2023 13:29

Total none issue for me. As long as its in bathroom bin which has a bag and lid I wouldn't care.

LordEmsworth · 21/08/2023 13:33

LanaL · 21/08/2023 13:20

Also does CF mean control freak ? Struggling to see how this would mean she is a control freak ?

Reading other people’s comments , sounds like they are unwrapped and if they are then that is a little different I guess - if you are having to peel them off the bin lid or anything 🤢 I always wrap in tissue and just assumed everyone did that !
Maybe you could say to your son “ I’ve put some little bags in the bathroom for her to put them in , sorry I didn’t think - that must not have been nice for her to not have any bags to put them in - can you please let her know “ that way she’s not embarrassed and you’re saying it in a nice way , she should then put them in the bags just from knowing you have gone out of your way to put them there for her

No, it means Cheeky Fucker. Is my son's girlfriend being cheeky because she doesn't take her used pantyliners - not sanitary towels, there's no mention of periods in the OP - is she a cheeky fucker because she puts pantyliners in the bin, instead of either taking them home, hiding her shame by putting them in another bag first, or getting her boyfriend to take the bins out before his parents come back to their home.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 21/08/2023 13:33

It's reasonable to remind DS to empty his bin, but a bathroom bin is there to dispose of sanitary products surely?
What do/ did you do with yours?

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/08/2023 13:34

Hankunamatata · 21/08/2023 13:29

Total none issue for me. As long as its in bathroom bin which has a bag and lid I wouldn't care.

@Hankunamatata

did you read the op?! She’s putting them in the waste paper basket in the bedroom 🤢
Dont see how anyone could be ok with that?!?

JoanOfAllTrades · 21/08/2023 13:37

I always leave sanitary products and nappy sacks in the toilet so that anyone menstruating that might visit, has access to them. I also have a lidded lined bin but like @Toolittl, I wouldn’t like to look at used sanitary products and I’m a nurse, so bodily fluids don’t freak me out, but I’m aware that like all bodily fluids, blood is a hazard hence we wear gloves and use an aseptic technique when cleaning wounds and the waste (used swabs etc.,) goes into (are supposed too at least!) hazardous waste!

TuesdayWonder · 21/08/2023 13:38

I would have no issue with this at all, surely that's what bins are for?

Riapia · 21/08/2023 13:39

Hope you washed your hands before clutching your pearls, after emptying the bins.
If she’s on MN you’ll find one stuck on your pillow next time you return from your weekend away.
😉😁😁

MikeRafone · 21/08/2023 13:40

Toolittl · 21/08/2023 11:47

It's more the fact for want of a better way of putting it leaving them "sunny side up". I wouldn't mind if they were wrapped, they're just chucked in without regard. I don't want to have to see someone else's bodily fluids staring at me on a pad.

I don't want to see others bodily fluids and so I buy nappy sacs put bin liners in the bathroom bins and bedroom bins. Then ive said can you sort out putting any sanitary products in the bags thanks - then if not ask your ds to collect the bins and have a word with his girlfriend nicely

TBJ id rather though they didn't put down the loo and cost me £500 for drains unblocking

HaveYouHeardOfARoadAtlas · 21/08/2023 13:42

I wouldn’t expect a guest to empty a bin.

Trevorton · 21/08/2023 13:42

The definition of a CF is not someone putting rubbish in a rubbish bin..

ididntwanttodoit · 21/08/2023 13:43

She has put her stuff in the bin that you left in the bathroom for that purpose. If you don't want her to use it, remove the bin.

Totaly · 21/08/2023 13:45

I would tell your son that the bins need emptying before you get home. That way he can delegate to her if he chooses to.

That said we had a dog who like to grab them and rip them up - girls soon put the bin lid back on and shut the door to where it was.

Just have the conversation with DS

Moveoverdarlin · 21/08/2023 13:46

There aren’t many 25 year old lads that would think, ‘ooh I must empty the waste paper baskets before Mum and Dad come home’. Presumably if you put new liners in the bins on Friday, I’m guessing they’re not that full by the time she leaves on the Sunday, apart from the offending party liner. She’s certainly not a CF. Leaving it sunny side up on your pillow would be a CF thing to do.

Anyport · 21/08/2023 13:46

Your son needs to step up. The fact that he is leaving this for you to clear up before you come home is down your parenting style.