Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DS's new GF a CF or AIBU?

325 replies

Toolittl · 21/08/2023 11:32

Adult DS 25 still lives at home. DH and I go away every weekend in our caravan and so his newish GF 26 and also still lives at home (who I have yet to meet in person) comes and stays with him which I'm absolutely fine with she lives 3hr drive away. The last 2 weeks we've come home and she's left used panty liners both in the bathroom bin and in DS's wastepaper bin in bedroom.
I don't know how to broach it with him. He will take it that I don't like her without meeting her etc. It's not like she's a young kid at 26, personally I would either empty both bins before I left or pop them in my wash bag to take home with me. I left the caddy bags out as a hint this weekend. I would be mortified to think someone else would see something so intimate and for context they're not wrapped back up in their packet either.
Opinions?

OP posts:
Prelapsarianhag · 21/08/2023 15:08

Stop sniffing through the bins. This young woman could one day become your DIL. Don't start the relationship on the wrong foot over something so silly.

DoraSpenlow · 21/08/2023 15:10

LordEmsworth · 21/08/2023 14:46

Why is everyone assuming she's constantly having a period? The OP mentioned pantyliners, they're not much cop if you're bleeding... So there's no reason to assume that the OP is being faced with a bloodbath every single Sunday evening.

Yes, vaginal secretions are bodily fluids. So is mucus, but for some reason, no one is saying she should be equally ashamed of blowing her nose and putting the tissue in the bin. Why is that, I wonder...

@LordEmsworth

Yes, vaginal secretions are bodily fluids. So is mucus, but for some reason, no one is saying she should be equally ashamed of blowing her nose and putting the tissue in the bin. Why is that, I wonder...

Because snot doesn't start to smell in hot weather.

Doingmybest12 · 21/08/2023 15:10

I am unsure why you told your son about there being sanitary items at home if she needs them. They are very grown adults and surely she can manage her own periods and any emergencies. She can keep a supply in his room. Tell him to empty the bathroom bin after his visitors male abd female. Not sure why you are his cleaner. Don't look in his bin.

FamBae · 21/08/2023 15:11

I would personally find leaving unwrapped used sanitary products in full sunny side up view pretty skanky, I would say to DS that while your pleased she's not flushing them down the loo could he please ask her to roll them up or make sure he empties the bins before you get home.

Coyoacan · 21/08/2023 15:11

This is the minefield of staying in other people's houses. They have all these unwritten rules peculiar to their world.

If it were not for mumsnet we would never know these rules existed. Like the people who object to other people shitting in their toilets.

askmenow · 21/08/2023 15:12

Toolittl · 21/08/2023 11:32

Adult DS 25 still lives at home. DH and I go away every weekend in our caravan and so his newish GF 26 and also still lives at home (who I have yet to meet in person) comes and stays with him which I'm absolutely fine with she lives 3hr drive away. The last 2 weeks we've come home and she's left used panty liners both in the bathroom bin and in DS's wastepaper bin in bedroom.
I don't know how to broach it with him. He will take it that I don't like her without meeting her etc. It's not like she's a young kid at 26, personally I would either empty both bins before I left or pop them in my wash bag to take home with me. I left the caddy bags out as a hint this weekend. I would be mortified to think someone else would see something so intimate and for context they're not wrapped back up in their packet either.
Opinions?

You're not wrong OP. SHE'S lacking respect and boundaries as is your son.
There are some manky people on here! Bloody wrap your sanitary products before throwing the in a bin in someone else's home.
Simple toilet tissue would do for discretion. UGH!

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 21/08/2023 15:13

It’s what the bin is for and if the bin isn’t full why would she empty it and empty your rubbish. If she fills it might be nice to empty it but how much is she really putting in it on one weekend.
taking it home with her would be insane.
If you ask her not to use the bin then she will likely be very self conscious and uncomfortable being in your house going forward.

multivac · 21/08/2023 15:15

'Oh, GF - when I was looking through the contents of the bathroom bin liner before tying it up - I always inspect it of course! - I couldn't help noticing your sanitary items hadn't been disguised as normal, pleasant rubbish...'

Perfectly sane conversation.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 21/08/2023 15:18

Coyoacan · 21/08/2023 15:11

This is the minefield of staying in other people's houses. They have all these unwritten rules peculiar to their world.

If it were not for mumsnet we would never know these rules existed. Like the people who object to other people shitting in their toilets.

It really never occurred to you that when staying in someone else's house (a person you haven't actually met), they might not want to look at your discharge?

nidgey · 21/08/2023 15:21

He may not know the norm with sanitary towels/pads so you could say to him that as she's leaving intimate products in the bins could he (or both of them) please tie up the bins and put them in your main bin before you get home? He might mention it to her - or just do it himself.

Gwenhwyfar · 21/08/2023 15:22

"Because snot doesn't start to smell in hot weather."

OP's issue is not with the smell though. Her issue is with having to see them. Same could happen with snot.

FlamingoQueen · 21/08/2023 15:25

That’s gross! If that was me, I would empty them from the bins and dispose of in a carrier bag (or such like), in the main bin, before leaving.

Purplebunnie · 21/08/2023 15:28

Okay probably on my own here but I took nappy sacks away with me on holiday and put my Tena pads in those then put in bin bag in the bathroom bin in our hotel room. Why should a complete stranger have to deal with this?

Greengrassohla · 21/08/2023 15:29

Jesus Christ I can’t believe that people think that what she is doing is acceptable! Back in the real world…

BackOfTheMum5net · 21/08/2023 15:32

It’s pretty weird to be upset by people using a bin and speaks more to your feelings around periods.
Train your son to empty bins if it offends you.

AliceOlive · 21/08/2023 15:35

Should have enabled voting. I've never had guest or family member do this and seriously doubt it something most people would do. I see related signs in bathrooms occasionally and many offices provide wrappers.

ActDottie · 21/08/2023 15:35

I think it depends how you are brought up.

My mum always said to keep them separate from everything else so I generally keep dirty ones in a dog poo bag until it’s full and then put them straight in the wheelie bin. But my friends were taught to put them in bathroom bin. Either is fine imo. But as a dog house with dogs who will eat anything I prefer to keep them separate so they don’t eat them!!

Bedroom bin also fine but it should be your son emptying this not you!

LyndaSnellsSniff · 21/08/2023 15:36

I would wrap them, but it's hardly a crime.

2 weekends running you say? So the poor woman suffers from periods that last 9 + days? I think I'd be offering some sympathy to her.

Zebedee999 · 21/08/2023 15:37

ladyvivienne · 21/08/2023 12:29

I agree with you - disgusting. I don't like changing my own bin with these in, and they belong to me!!!

Tell your adult son he needs to empty the bins when his GF has been around.

GRIM as f. When i'm at my mums I double wrap them in tissue first so my Dad doesn't have to see them when emptying the bin.

Precisely. Fold them/wrap them then bin them. It's the completely open ones no one wants to see. I've had a guest leave one on the dressing table fully open after they had gone, and the same guest dropped one on the stairs and left it there. It's nature but be courteous!

Toddlerteaplease · 21/08/2023 15:38

Darthwazette · 21/08/2023 11:35

I don’t see the issue with this. She is disposing of them in the bin.

This!

Confusion101 · 21/08/2023 15:41

She's probably leaving them open to cover up the used condoms they have binned underneath!

I voted YABU, she is disposing of them in a bin that has a bag in it. It's not like you have to handle them in any way.

porridgeisbae · 21/08/2023 15:58

I think it'd be a bit skanky to take home in her bag. Maybe for one (which would just be for one evening, or they might need 2 even, for most/many women) but not for a weekend's worth.

ImNotWorthy · 21/08/2023 15:59

All that plastic, all that oil used to make that plastic, so people can wrap things in plastic before putting them in a bin lined with plastic.

Naunet · 21/08/2023 16:08

Great, let’s continue to shame women for their PERFECTLY NORMAL biology 🙄

AliceOlive · 21/08/2023 16:10

Naunet · 21/08/2023 16:08

Great, let’s continue to shame women for their PERFECTLY NORMAL biology 🙄

Do you also advocate that men stop flushing the toilet so the next person can see their bodily fluids, too?

Stop wiping their pee off the seat?

Leaving used tissues laying about?

Teaching people to having consideration for others is not shaming them!