To be fed up of stupid remarks about childless people

[Beverlysparty]

Just in the last few days on here someone has opined that maybe Lucy letby killed all those little babies because she was 'jealous' of people who had children; someone has stated that as her childless/free friends get older they have become very self absorbed while she hasn't and someone else has made an insulting comment about childless people in hotels.

It's the same in real life; comments about how you don't know real love until you've had children, you don't know what tired is until you've had children, you have all the money in the world for holidays and expensive make up and clothes because you don't have the worry and expense of children.

It's not only insulting it's also deeply inaccurate.

Of course you can know what true tiredness is without children. What a ridiculous thing to say. The Op is right, people who make these comments are deeply insulting.

As for not loving anyone as deeply as your child, the op said 'not knowing true love'- that's different.

No you are not BU and the first comment just proves your point. The comments about Lucy letby are really gross, it equates the childless/childfree with psychopathic murderers! Im sure the love one feels for a child is different to the love one might feel for someone else but how is that helpful to point out to people who a) don’t want kids and are happy to never find out how it feels or b) want kids and can’t have them, therefore that comment just rubs salt in the wound. The only acceptable reply to someone saying they don’t have/want kids is “ok cool”. Or just don’t ask in the first place.

Given that I have insomnia and have not slept more than two hours a night for the last six years, combined with constant anaemia, I’m pretty sure I know what tiredness is.

I think that being a parent and not being a parent are both completely valid choices, and I also get that some of the people in each situation wish they were in the other situation, but I do honestly think that unless you have had children then you cannot ever fully understand all the (potential) changes that they bring to your life (good and less good).

This. And Anyone who has cared for an elderly parent with dementia will also know what true tiredness is.

People say horrible things about all sorts of mothers. Try being a young or an old mother on here. Try being the mother of one, or the mother of lots. Try being a SAHM or a WOHM.

@Vault687 possibly the most stupid self absorbed comment I've read on mumsnet to date. There are so many people who are so fulfilled without children, there are doctors out there doing 72 hour shifts in A&E but oh no - you only know what tiredness is if you have to wake up to a crying child - honest to god - get out into the world a bit and take a long hard look around.

I have a son but I defiently knew what tiredness was prior to having him !

Money wise I just spent my money on different things,now it's boy toys,clothes,creche,family days
Prior to this it was a personal trainer,time out with friends,partner etc.

Your priorities change when you've children but doesn't mean you don't have the same issues before you have them !

Tiredness can be caused by a whole host of things though.

A lot of those comments are correct. Until you’ve had children you don’t and can’t know what true tiredness is

What utter bs. I was someone with autism and mental health problems who cared for a family member with dementia and a terminal illness who spent the vast majority of the nights awake and had to be supervised because they were a risk to themselves I certainly know what tiredness is. I quite literally developed a phobia of sleep because I knew that the second I'd go to sleep they'd be awake again and that was worse than just staying awake.

Plenty of others know true tiredness for a whole host of reasons. You don't need to have children to be completely exhausted.

For me personally I'd never felt true tiredness until I had children, obviously that will be different for others. I also had never experienced the depth of love I have for my children, that is my experience and it's no less valid than someone who is childfree telling me that it's insulting.

The Lucy Letby comment is ludicrous although people are searching for reasons and I suppose it's a theory. I don't think it's suggesting all childfree people are psychopaths though?

This is rubbish. I have a brain tumour, that makes me more tired than my child ever has and she's nearly 10.

The fact that the love and bond between a parent and child is unique doesn't mean that childless/childfree people will "never know real love", which is the comment the OP was talking about.

I definitely agree that if you haven’t had children you don’t understand what it is like but that is the case with so much of life. If you’ve never had an all consuming high pressure job then you don’t understand what that’s like either but it doesn’t make you some how less knowledgeable or less able to understand stress or tiredness.

I am a mum but I too dislike how people act like having a child gives you some superior outlook on the world.

People say horrible things about all sorts of mothers. Try being a young or an old mother on here. Try being the mother of one, or the mother of lots. Try being a SAHM or a WOHM.

Well yes but this is not a thread about Mothers.

Yanbu. I remember a thread where an OP said she found it cringe when parents referred to their child as "my baby" when they weren't a baby anymore (even if they were a toddler). The OP stated she didn't have kids herself.

Pretty much 100 percent of replies (from those with kids and without) said that OP was being unreasonable and this was a very unusual viewpoint. But there were plenty of "childless people just don't get it" type replies, as if the OP's extreme views were representative of all childless people.

You not supposed to compare those two. The same way you not supposed to compare children. But we do it anyway.
People tend to talk about their own experiences and compare the two.

Dc1 and dc2 were night and day in their behaviour. People with children are different from people with children. But at the end of the day, we are all humans.

Everyone has their own burden in life and people who experience trauma handle it in their own ways. The grass is not always greener.

Q.E.D.

And here we have a perfect illustration of the thread title

I’m sorry, but that’s rubbish. People can be tired for lots of reasons. Kids is just one of those reasons.

Up there with one of the most ridiculous comments on here. And that's saying something.

Also the inevitable "childfree people are more selfish" which I've seen only a couple of days ago.

As someone going through infertility, I've also seen the inevitable "just adopt" and "if you don't have kids, it's probably for a reason/ just not meant to be". 🙄

It is a stupid smug thing to say. As if having a child automatically makes you a better person. It is usually the same people who like to play martyr.

I have more respect for someone who realises that they would not be fit for parenthood over someone who ignores this and has a child non the less.

Seeing people have chemo and radiotherapy I am sure I have never experienced tiredness like it. My boy didnt sleep through to 5 but his gran was having chemo during those 5 years and it was exhausting for her. So many illnesses cause exhaustion as well.

Does that include those of us with disabilities that cause chronic fatigue?