To be fed up of stupid remarks about childless people

[Beverlysparty]

Just in the last few days on here someone has opined that maybe Lucy letby killed all those little babies because she was 'jealous' of people who had children; someone has stated that as her childless/free friends get older they have become very self absorbed while she hasn't and someone else has made an insulting comment about childless people in hotels.

It's the same in real life; comments about how you don't know real love until you've had children, you don't know what tired is until you've had children, you have all the money in the world for holidays and expensive make up and clothes because you don't have the worry and expense of children.

It's not only insulting it's also deeply inaccurate.

A love like no other

Well duh! I always think what a silly comment this is. It’s a love, a bond that you have made with a person you produced. You brought someone into the world that has come from you so it’s a love manufactured by you. It didn’t happen organically with a stranger (like with a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend) so of course it’s going to a love like no other. You HAVE to love them, the kids HAVE to love you.

This isn't about sexism. But again, let's not deny the fact that the biological urge to have children can cause more extreme emotions in women than in men. Or at least; those urges are about different parts of the reproduction cycle.

Quite a leap to suggest that a woman of 25 might be motivated to murder babies because she has a strong biological urge to have children

And let's remember: LL would have been not long out of university and in the early stages of what looked on the surface to be a very successful career; she was living independently, she had a social circle and enjoyed going out, dancing and cocktails. There is absolutely zero evidence that she was desperate to have children at this stage. Same as countless other young women in their mid twenties.

But I guess some people can't help speculating wildly about why someone is a serial murderer.

I often get comments about being childless even if not directly. Plus the assumption I have nothing better to do because of it. When there's a family event myself and my partner often get told "you two can come early to help set up, the others can't "because of the kids". A few years back we had recently moved house and wanted to leave a birthday gathering at 8pm as the house was a tip and we had things to organise (it was an all day event starting at midday so we weren't exactly legging it extremely early) and 3 families were starting to say goodbye and we made the same moves to leave. We were dragged aside by my partners mother to say we shouldn't be leaving so early as it was rude to the birthday person. We said well others are leaving? "Yes but they have kids to get to bed." Then my partner wanted his parents to spend Christmas at ours one year as he'd never cooked a Christmas meal for them and wanted to host. They said they will come "when the grandkids are older" as they like to spend Christmas visiting them. The oldest grandchild is 12 and the youngest 6 months. That hurt him to have his parents say they will not spend a Christmas day with him anytime soon because we don't have children worthy of coming for. (So people saying love for children is the strongest ever doesn't seem to apply to childless adult children). Even my partners 40th when he booked a table at a nice normal pub (that does cater for kids with kids menu etc) for the whole family the first thing his mother said when she got the invite was "I've had a look and I'm not sure that place is child friendly enough as they don't have a play area. Shall I try and book somewhere that does?"

The lucy letby side discussion is weird. She is a sadist who enjoyed torturing people. Not a 1980s soap opera maddened baby theft tragic figure.

Some of my childfree friends are touchy about it and don't like when people "make remarks".

Not me. People can say what they want but they rarely do because it's apparent that I fucking love my life and hopefully I'll get to the end of it never having experienced another person's poo under my fingernails. #winningatlife

So because my baby was still born I should really expect barbed comments from parents

That's abhorrent...

@Insommmmnia
I'm so sorry you (and others on here) have to face the spiteful bullshit a small minority are posting on here

Mmmmm sure sure

And the parents who abuse their children? Full of empathy are they?

Some people have empathy, some (as evidenced by your comment) don't

Whether they have children or not is usually irrelevant or else we wouldn't have babies and children abused and murdered by their parents

But given 50% of the teaching community are childless how on earth are you okay with 1 in 2 of your children's teachers lacking empathy?

Thank you

I do wonder if the opinions of some of the posters on here would change if their children turn out to be infertile and are told they have no empathy and should just expect to be insulted

That's not to somehow make out its okay to do this to childfree people by the way just because they might have chosen not to have children

It's just people are so free and easy with some of these comments. But when their daughter is sitting in hospital holding her dead baby are they still going to be happy people insulting her because of it?

@Mukey you MIL sounds like a total dick. Im sorry.

good for you @ForestGoblin you're lucky to feel fulfilled and happy in your life.

As pp have said - it would be great if we could all just be happy for each other and respectful of different life experiences!

@ForestGoblin ain't that the truth!

The 'lacking empathy' comment is absolutely awful, and tells a lot about that poster. I can only assume that she is so self absorbed she assumes people who don't want to listen to her children shrieking their heads off in a restaurant, or running around during a marriage ceremony, or playing outside at 7am on a Saturday morning are 'lacking empathy'. In other words don't go along with her illusion that she and her kids are the centre of the universe and everything must revolve around them.

Exactly this.

I'm a sahm to 9 children. People have an absolute field day when arguing with me over anything child related.
I've heard it all. I've been called a slag, a scrounger (partner works full time and we get barely anything other than child benefit as his wages are too high, but there are too many Daily Mail readers about and they make their minds up about me regardless of facts) lazy, a glorified prostitute, I'm destroying the planet, neglectful of my children for having so many.

Honestly, no one can win. You can only do your best with your own situation and tune out the unwelcome 'noise' from others.

I honestly can't decide whether you're an idiot who blundered into a thread about something very sensitive and are under the illusion you're having a bit of harmless fun winding people up; or a totally self absorbed parent who is deluded into thinking you have empathy.

Either way, I'm not giving you any more oxygen.

@Kibris " you to calm down and take a deep breath."

You need to stop making offensive, unfounded generalisations.

Of course you can know what being tired is like without having children.

BUT, there is no tired like the one where someone else gets to dictate when and how long you sleep for.

Like disabled partners and elderly parents you are caring for?

Well I don’t consider you childless for a start and you’re not the kind of person who would spew bullshit at people for having the audacity to have a kid. Or maybe you are. Like I said further down, throw enough shit and people will eventually throw it back.

welcome to carry on misconstruing what’s been said though of course.

I do honestly think that unless you have had children then you cannot ever fully understand all the (potential) changes that they bring to your life (good and less good).

I have a fair old inkling which is why I didn't have any.

No answer then on our questions @Kibris? Thought you wanted to debate your opinion.