To be fed up of stupid remarks about childless people

[Beverlysparty]

Just in the last few days on here someone has opined that maybe Lucy letby killed all those little babies because she was 'jealous' of people who had children; someone has stated that as her childless/free friends get older they have become very self absorbed while she hasn't and someone else has made an insulting comment about childless people in hotels.

It's the same in real life; comments about how you don't know real love until you've had children, you don't know what tired is until you've had children, you have all the money in the world for holidays and expensive make up and clothes because you don't have the worry and expense of children.

It's not only insulting it's also deeply inaccurate.

I don't think that anyone group of people are selfish, but I think the more 'commitments' you have in life does make it harder to be 'selfish', even if you need to be. Children are one of the things that would count as commitments here, but so are things like being a carer, working long hours, having an illness and so on. I definitely had more opportunity to do 'me' things before I became a parent, and could spend more money on just me, but it doesn't really bother me. I certainly wouldn't make a derogatory comment to someone who doesn't have children or has less other 'commitments' than I do.

Spoken like someone who hasn’t needed to provide hands on care for an adult. Yet. Your attitude will change when that happens.

Or people who feel that being a parent gives them the superiority over others that they don’t feel they have in other areas of their lives.

I also find that these are the judgy mums who think they can dish out unwanted advice and know what’s best for every kid just because they happened to have their own…I’m getting flashbacks of many mums I’ve met at baby groups…

@Vault687 no you have only been able to able love your child deeply.

The rest of us have been able to love others as deeply, it's just you haven't. How terribly sad for you

I’m never going to feel that bonding love as I haven’t had children. So the strongest love I feel is that for my partner and my close family/friends. I can recognise the difference sue but don’t tell me I can’t feel true, real love blah blah. That’s subjective to me and my life.

I’ve been tired I’ve suffered insomnia and a job with twelve hour shifts. I can recognise the hardships of parenting, part of the reason why I didn’t have them. But life isn’t all roses just by not having kids. Other things happen to us all in life. But it also doesn’t make children people psychopaths.

I agree with a previous poster where it’s the attitude of some not all parents that are martyrs and or who think they are superior by creating a child.

Whilst I don't agree with equating childless people to psychopathic murderers (although do think that comment was stretching a bit, they were talking about one person, not everyone), childless people give those with children no end of stick and barbed comments so really should expect them back.

I imagine the love someone feels for a child can be different (is, probably in most cases), but different doesn’t equal better, or truer. That’s a subjective judgement for an individual to make anyway.

There’s also a large cultural element. There was a study done where people from different cultures were surveyed, and asked who they would save between their parent, their partner and their child in the event of a disaster. Western Europeans generally chose their child, the Chinese generally chose their parent, and Northern Americans generally chose their partner.

You can't know what it's like to have a child until you have a child.
That's true of most things in life, it's not a controversial statement.
I don't understand the superiority aspect though. My two closest friends are child free by choice ( I have 3 and a DSC) and I can't possibly know what it's like for them to juggle care of their sick parents/grandparents with full time work as my parents are in rude health and all my grandparents are dead.
They get some amount of bullshit comments from their employers and mothers in law about their child free status, it actually makes me really angry to hear about it.

So being unwell, or bereaved, or disabled, doesn't make people feel tired?

And by your logic, your children don't love you properly. And you don't love your parents or partner properly.

Ridiculous and extremely short sighted and self centred.

I have a feeling that had Lucy Letby had children she might have killed them too. There was something fundamentally wrong about her and I do think her parents might have had an inkling. We’re obvs not being told the full story here.

To be honest I'm sick to death of childless people moaning about what others say to them. I know plenty childless people through choice and infertility and nobody says this crap to them. Who in the heck are you all talking to?

@Vault687

Don’t be so ridiculous, you do not need to have had children to know what true tiredness is, it’s not a competition, lots of different things cause tiredness. Are you saying that someone waking hourly to take care of an elderly demanding relative in pain because of illness won’t be a tired as someone waking because they need to feed a child, or look after an ill child, both of who, have full day jobs/tasks to do

as to never living someone as deeply as your child, bollocks

If people with children want to complain about winning the tiredness wars all the time, why did they have children in the first place? It is a choice most of the time.

The first comment absolutely proves OPs point!

People who say this about love had very shallow and inadequate emotions before reproducing, clearly.

People make those comments because that's how it was for them. Yes the comments are smug, thoughtless, tactless and a massive generalisation, but they are true for a lot of people who are comparing how they felt before and after having children (which, obviously, only people who have had children can compare). I have children, but I have never understood why being a parent seems to give some people a feeling of superiority.

But this is also unnecessary. It goes both ways. Surely statements that basically say ‘well you chose to be a mum so put up and shut up’ are as inflammatory as saying childless people don’t understand…

You are right OP.
But that is simply because childfree must be somehow broken or have something wrong with them to not have/want children. Don't we.
Only logical deduction therefore is that the childfreeness is indicator of basically being a psychopath. We just have no felings except bitterness and jealusy in us😔

I've had dc and I've now been diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukaemia.
I've never been as tired as this disease makes me.

Oh and try holding down a full time job while dealing with cancer. So fuck off with such ridiculous statements

There's a small subsection of people who are aggressively childfree who criticise parents and children. The majority of childfree/childless people I know couldn't care less what parents and children do. No one should "expect" barbed comments because other people do it.

Reading day after day about all the children sexually, physically and verbally abused by their parents and killed by their parents or step parents I find it hard to believe that anyone can say people without children don't know what love is with a straight face.

im childfree and people do say all kinds of crap without thinking so you are wrong!

People who say this about love had very shallow and inadequate emotions before reproducing, clearly.

I disagree with this though. I think the vast majority of people would probably place their love for their children above all previous experiences of love. It would be a bit unlikely that all of those people had only had shallow and inadequate emotions before having children. Many of them probably would have been as sceptical as you about it until they experienced it themselves.

Oh my God The moronic first reply proves your point perfectly @Beverlysparty 🙄