to say no to having dp's mum's name as middle name

[thunderthunder3]

dp and i are due our baby girl at the end of sep and he wants his late mum's name to be her middle name. the name we both agreed on just does not go with it at all and it makes me hate the name and so he said we should just pick the second name we liked then but i don't like it as much and honestly his late mum's name is really quite bad (no offence to her at all) but i want to love our daughter's name... i think he doesn't even consider it not being there as she has passed and has always been what he has known middle names to be. he says if we have another girl she can have my mum's name in the middle, which i wouldn't want either. aibu to say no?

I have similar names - my first name and middle name (grandmother's name who my father adored and who died before I was born) start with the same 3 letters and syllable just like Willow Wilhelmina.

I'll be honest and say I found it embarrassing as a teenager, although in practice hardly anyone knew. As an adult, I understand why my parents gave me those names and I'm okay with it.

If it's his dearest wish, I would honour it. Either with another middle name in between or just accept the alliteration. It's no big deal really for the child and obviously VERY important to him. My husband wanted his dad's name for our DS1, which I hated - I would still have agreed to it as a middle name. Although in the end we compromised on a name that sounded similar as the first name.

Really tough situation but I think your DH will be so upset if you don't use his mum's name in some way.

Pattie? That’s quite cute.

At the moment lots of kids have ‘old lady’ names (eg Mabel) presumably named after the parent’s grandparent.

If that patter continues we should have a whole load of little Patricias/Denises/Nicolas/Paulas just around the corner!

OP, Willow is top 10 for baby names at present so if you go for it you will likely find there is more than one Willow in your daughter’s class whereas Wilhelmina is much more unusual.

Personally, I would let your chap have his mum’s name as your daughter’s middle - having a baby throws up all sorts of old grief over the premature loss of a parent, it can be really upsetting to think that your precious new baby will never know her granny.

I like Willa Mina for a fresh update but would chuck a single syllable third name to finish off, eg Willa Mina Rose

(and I agree with others, your surname if you aren’t married and change it to his if/when you change your name after getting wed)

middle Names are never used anyway can’t see the issue

I say this as someone who gave dd the female version of my late df name as a middle name. You and dp have four parents between you, are you going to use all their names, because at some point they will all have died. We never discussed using any of our live parent’s names for our dc but really as we honoured my df we should have honoured them all.

I’d be willing to compromise with Willow Mina, Willow as a nickname with Wilhelmina on the birth certificate etc but Willow Wilhelmina absolutely wouldn’t be happening because it sounds ridiculous.

we don't mind the popularity thing. second choice is olive and after this thread i am honestly just leaning towards going for olive wilhelmina

I'm another who thinks 'Willow Wilhelmina' actually sounds whimsical and interesting. Certainly no more 'ridiculous' than many of the names people choose for their children! As others have said, you rarely use middle names, anyway, so it's not worth too much hand-wringing.

What about Willa instead of Willow? Sounds like a definite nickname of Wilelmina and she won't be one of 5 Willows in her class.

Your partner is being unfair, his way or no way.

It's always going to be hard when you post on here as usually people are very divided. No one is trying to give you a hard time, just express their opinions.

Olive is nice too

Just give her two middle names. Willow Jane willeminha my son has two middle names starting with the same letter because he’s named after two family members. His name sounds really clunky when you say it out loud in full. But this happens so rarely it doesn’t matter in the slightest.

Ouch. Not nice. Hope she’s not reading this. Patricia is absolutely fine. I also think Willow Mina is lovely.

Olive's very old-fashioned! I much prefer Willow!

You mentioned using your mum's middle name for another DD. You might not have another DD. Why not use her middle name as in 'Willow [mum's name] Wilhelmina"?

This is important to your DH and you will NEVER hear it once she's born. The only time you'll use it will be when filling out forms. Willow is lovely. Willow Wilhelmina sounds nice I think. But as I say you'll never hear it anyhow.

The suggestion up thread of Willow Rose Wilhelmina is gorgeous and something like that would be a very good compromise. But then you said well if I wanted to add a name it would be to double barrel the surname! Tbh that just sounds like you are not prepared to compromise on anything and that's not really fair.

Your DH really and very understandably wants Wilhelmina. So your options really are:

Willow Wilhelmina

Willow X Wilhelmina

2nd choice name Wilhelmina

The decision to double barrel the surname is separate tbh.

There is also the option to put your surname as a third middle name which we did with our child as we don't like double barrelled surname.

So you could have:

Willow Wilhelmina Your surname His surname (or vice versa of course).

So lots of options there for you to compromise on.

Or 'Willow Olive Wilhelmina'?

She could have 2 middle names @thunderthunder3 , that way you can still have the ones you wanted and the other name wouldn't be as prominent.

And it means you can have one between the two that don't go together.

For instance Angelica Lily Maud Knight.

@FeigningConcern how on earth is it me not willing to compromise but yet you haven't said that about my dp? like yeah, if we were adding in 2 middle names i would want to do the double barrelled surname as i have already said i would take his name on marriage so we are not left with a 20 letter surname... there is me compromising already and he has not. then with her name, I have suggested mina (again, me compromising) and he has said no. i do not mind him being set on the name, hence i have said we will have to go for our second choice but to say i am the one not compromising but having no issue with him not, when he is the one actually not, is pretty double standards tbh!

Could you put another middle name between them so she's Willow x Whilomena Surname? It would break the flow a bit.

Something like Mary, Eve, Katherine....

Can you not give her several middle names so the name gets lost in it a bit.

I quite like Willow Wilhelmina. It flows nicely.

I like Willow, but Willow Wilhelmina is too much. Either I would call her Wilhelmina and let her be known as Willow, or put a name to honour you side as a 2nd name and Wilhelmina as a 3rd name.

Olive is good too. I think Olivia Wilhelmina flows better than Olive Wilhelmina.

If her first name is Willow then make her middle name Meena, problem solved.

You think Willow Wilhelmina goes together 🤣

this is all so overwhelming lol doesn't help i am rather pregnant all kinds of emotions and second guessing. olive is still a name we like but yes it is more old fashioned than willow and even more so with wilhelmina. we had ivy too but came to the conclusion we know too many... violet was probably our next option but feel we are really going back by brining all our names on the list back up and don't think i can cope with that this far on!