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AIBU?

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Original poster

to say no to having dp's mum's name as middle name

532 replies

thunderthunder3 · 20/08/2023 20:23

dp and i are due our baby girl at the end of sep and he wants his late mum's name to be her middle name. the name we both agreed on just does not go with it at all and it makes me hate the name and so he said we should just pick the second name we liked then but i don't like it as much and honestly his late mum's name is really quite bad (no offence to her at all) but i want to love our daughter's name... i think he doesn't even consider it not being there as she has passed and has always been what he has known middle names to be. he says if we have another girl she can have my mum's name in the middle, which i wouldn't want either. aibu to say no?

OP posts:
fruitstick · 20/08/2023 20:47

I would actually go with wilhelmina as a first name but only ever call her Willow.

DH can feel like it's her proper name, you'll look really kind, and get the name you want.

Gothambutnotahamster · 20/08/2023 20:47

DO NOT give your DD your partner's surname - give her yours.

Original poster
thunderthunder3 · 20/08/2023 20:48

her middle name was her grandmother's middle name. tbh, i was tempted on giving dd the female name of my surname as a middle name and then give her dp's surname... (think stephenson and then use stephanie - it is not that but don't want to be giving out any details relating to surnames) and he wasn't keen lol, said it would not work for if we had 2 daughters in the future and i got his point so didn't decide that

OP posts:
Gazelda · 20/08/2023 20:48

My DM died when I was very young.

When DD was born, I told DH that she would be given my mums name as her middle name and that I'd compromise on everything else.

If he'd tried to change my mind on something so simple yet important, I'd have honestly lost a lot of affection and respect for him.

Hollyhead · 20/08/2023 20:50

Can you have 2 middle names? Something like Willow Rose Wilhelmina to break it up a bit?

fruitstick · 20/08/2023 20:51

thunderthunder3 · 20/08/2023 20:48

her middle name was her grandmother's middle name. tbh, i was tempted on giving dd the female name of my surname as a middle name and then give her dp's surname... (think stephenson and then use stephanie - it is not that but don't want to be giving out any details relating to surnames) and he wasn't keen lol, said it would not work for if we had 2 daughters in the future and i got his point so didn't decide that

He's talking rot. I gave DS1 my surname as a middle name.

I didn't do the same with DS2.

Not weird at all.

BiIIie · 20/08/2023 20:53

Gothambutnotahamster · 20/08/2023 20:47

DO NOT give your DD your partner's surname - give her yours.

Why?

TheHorneSection · 20/08/2023 20:57

Did she have a middle name? Willow is quite similar. Or is there maybe a feminine version of a foreign version of William you could use?

We used both grandmothers names as middle names but changed them a bit - Vera into Verity etc.

Cinateel · 20/08/2023 20:58

Actually, having said the two names a few times, I like them together!

10Minutestobedtime · 20/08/2023 20:59

Gothambutnotahamster · 20/08/2023 20:47

DO NOT give your DD your partner's surname - give her yours.

This! Don't do it!

Skinthin · 20/08/2023 20:59

Hollyhead · 20/08/2023 20:50

Can you have 2 middle names? Something like Willow Rose Wilhelmina to break it up a bit?

This name is lovely!!

Sorry OP but YABU this is clearly something incredibly meaningful to your DP. If you can’t deal with Willow Wilhelmina then the second choice name is the compromise.

Teapot13 · 20/08/2023 20:59

Wilhelmina rocks! Use it as first name and call her Willow for short.

DotDotDotDotDot · 20/08/2023 21:01

BiIIie · 20/08/2023 20:33

I think I'd be pushing for a compromise of Willow Mina as first and middle name. The both names would still very much be a tribute to your late MIL.

oh wow that’s so smart! OP you should definitely do this.

Turnthelightoff · 20/08/2023 21:01

I think you could convincingly say you’ve chosen Willow in tribute to his mum named Wilhelmina. Did she have a favourite flower that could be her middle name for example?

TheYadaYada · 20/08/2023 21:01

Just do it. Middle names are completely meaningless in terms of use, but meaningful if it is in memory of a loved one. Do the right thing.

Anonymouseposter · 20/08/2023 21:02

You can't put those two names together. If you use her name as a middle name you would have to rethink the first name.

Emeraldrings · 20/08/2023 21:02

My DD1 has DHs grandmothers name as a middle name. I hate it. DD1 also doesn't like it so never uses it and uses her other middle name instead.

Original poster
thunderthunder3 · 20/08/2023 21:02

@TheHorneSection believe wilhelmina is the foreign female version of william haha. if we were to go for 2 middle names then I personally would prioritise double barrelling her surname over having 2 middle names.

i don't think i can settle for willow wilhelmina and will have to go for our second choice name and save willow for if we have a second girl...

OP posts:
StillOrSparklingMadam · 20/08/2023 21:02

TheYadaYada · 20/08/2023 21:01

Just do it. Middle names are completely meaningless in terms of use, but meaningful if it is in memory of a loved one. Do the right thing.

Saddling someone with the name “Willow Wilhelmina” is just ridiculous. No matter whose choice it is.

Sweetsweetlike1111 · 20/08/2023 21:05

BiIIie · 20/08/2023 20:33

I think I'd be pushing for a compromise of Willow Mina as first and middle name. The both names would still very much be a tribute to your late MIL.

This

xyz111 · 20/08/2023 21:05

No one ever uses their middle name anyway. Does it really matter??

TheYadaYada · 20/08/2023 21:05

StillOrSparklingMadam · 20/08/2023 21:02

Saddling someone with the name “Willow Wilhelmina” is just ridiculous. No matter whose choice it is.

Show quote history

I only read the OP.

Willow Wilhelmina is ridiculous 😂😂

MimiSunshine · 20/08/2023 21:06

You can’t call her Willow Wilhelmina, it sounds ridiculous.

OP you get the option to re register your child upon marriage so they are officially children of the marriage, as opposed to being illegitimate (oh the scandal) and you can also change their surname.
so you can retain your surname which baby will automatically have at birth anyway and change it later on when / if you get married if you wanted to.

ultimately you both have to agree on the name so you both have to reach a compromise on the middle name.

Dolores87 · 20/08/2023 21:07

My opinion is his mum is dead. It would be heartless not to include her name. If you don't think the names fit then pick a different first name or a middle name in between the two names so his mums name is kinda of lost in the name.

Catabogus · 20/08/2023 21:09

Could you not use Wilhelmina as a first name, with the day-to-day nickname/shortening of Willow? That way you get to honour your MIL while also using the name you prefer.