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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no to having dp's mum's name as middle name

532 replies

thunderthunder3 · 20/08/2023 20:23

dp and i are due our baby girl at the end of sep and he wants his late mum's name to be her middle name. the name we both agreed on just does not go with it at all and it makes me hate the name and so he said we should just pick the second name we liked then but i don't like it as much and honestly his late mum's name is really quite bad (no offence to her at all) but i want to love our daughter's name... i think he doesn't even consider it not being there as she has passed and has always been what he has known middle names to be. he says if we have another girl she can have my mum's name in the middle, which i wouldn't want either. aibu to say no?

OP posts:
Original poster
thunderthunder3 · 22/08/2023 15:41

@NameChange30 when he said that, he was referring to the fact that he can then choose wilhelmina as his choice

OP posts:
Skinthin · 22/08/2023 15:42

Willow Billie 😂😭 OP I honestly think the man is trolling you

StBrides · 22/08/2023 15:44

I love Willow Wilhomena, its gorgeous.

Don't overthink the middle name, she's rarely going to say both names together!

TrainedByCats · 22/08/2023 15:59

thunderthunder3 · 22/08/2023 15:38

He has said he will settle on willow billie. i have googled and billie is listed as a nickname literally for Willow... ffs. if i now refuse this i look the difficult one and i know i need to stop discussing it with him and i wanted to (unless he was coming to me with a sensible outcome but i am desperate to get this sorted out as well.

I think you need to tell him that it’s impossible to take him seriously anymore as he’s being ridiculous.

I think he’s manipulating you and will pull a change at the last minute that you’ll agree to with relief as it’s less batshit than everything else and he’ll have chosen all 3 names. Either that or he is monumentally stupid.

Original poster
thunderthunder3 · 22/08/2023 15:59

@Skinthin I did respond with him definitely having me on, hope he is, would be the best outcome really wouldn't it but he has never once shown he is saying anything as a joke and is very much "please remember the topic you are laughing about" (I started off a bit lighthearted about willow Wilhelmina) and he took it personally about his mum

OP posts:
MisschiefMaker · 22/08/2023 16:00

Skinthin · 22/08/2023 15:42

Willow Billie 😂😭 OP I honestly think the man is trolling you

I agree. This is absurd.

amusedbush · 22/08/2023 16:05

Willow Billie is horrendous. It sounds like "yellow bellied".

Everydayimhuffling · 22/08/2023 16:13

I'd actually be glad you aren't married yet at this point as it means both of you have to go to register the birth! He is getting a first name that's a tribute to his mum. He can't have both. He also should think about if you have a second daughter as he might want to save an option for her.

MisschiefMaker · 22/08/2023 16:14

This has reminded me of a thread on here once where the OP's DH had taken advantage of the OP being ill in hospital with sepsis after giving birth so trotted off to register the baby with a name he knew she hated and was different to the one they had agreed on prior to the birth. She was too sick to do anything about it so went along with it but was finding it too upsetting to use her DC's name many months later.

I can totally see the OP's DP doing something like that so it's a good thing they aren't married.

Youwho2 · 22/08/2023 16:29

IMO he is throwing out shit name combination so when he says something half sensible you'll except it and think there had been a compromise. On reality he wants Willow whatever his surname. Willow is a tribute to his mum. The middle name shouldn't be related to his mum. The surname should be yours because your not married or double barrelled if you're feeling generous.

In all honesty I think your DP is a munipulative prick. I'd be surprised if you stay together let alone get married. All this dickhead behaviour causes resentment. It tarnishes a relationship.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 22/08/2023 16:30

amusedbush · 22/08/2023 16:05

Willow Billie is horrendous. It sounds like "yellow bellied".

Or that "wooly bully" old rock & roll song.

Willow, I'm sorry, sounds like a pet's name. And what if she turns out to be decidedly un-willowy??

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 22/08/2023 16:32

FGS don't use his surname if you aren't married.

Bluejaybean · 22/08/2023 16:55

How about just Willow and your surname. Willow as a tribute to Wilhelmina and the surname for you? No middle name.

SquishyGloopyBum · 22/08/2023 17:21

Stop talking about it with him. If he tries, walk off.

He's having you on with Willow Billie. Is he normally such a bully?

Cascade39 · 22/08/2023 17:34

Skinthin · 22/08/2023 15:25

Good for you and your choice. But it’s not being “weird” at all to want to give your child your surname- why did your DP what to give his?
Having a different surname to your child can create all kinds of practical challenges, and since mothers often end up the primary caregiver, it makes more practical sense for the name to match their mothers.

Show quote history

I have 4 children, 2 with my ex husband who have his surname (was mine at the time as we were married) 2 with my DP's and I went back to my maiden name after my divorce so I do not have the same surname as ANY of my children. My eldest is 16 in November and I have NEVER ONCE had any kind of "practical challenge" due to having a different surnames. I've done school applications, with GP's, dentist practices, applied for passports, bank accounts, bus passes, taken them to hospital appointments and never once has my having a different surname caused any issue or challenge. Never once has my legitimacy as their mother been questioned. Blended families are so common now that having different surnames is not a big issue at all!

ihadamarveloustime · 22/08/2023 17:43

thunderthunder3 · 22/08/2023 15:38

He has said he will settle on willow billie. i have googled and billie is listed as a nickname literally for Willow... ffs. if i now refuse this i look the difficult one and i know i need to stop discussing it with him and i wanted to (unless he was coming to me with a sensible outcome but i am desperate to get this sorted out as well.

Say 'Willow Billie' in a voice like you're talking to a baby or a toddler.

Realise it sounds like baby-speak and tell him no. He's clearly not mature enough to be naming a small person.

You BOTH have to like the names. What part of that does he not get?

Cascade39 · 22/08/2023 17:51

OP to be honest I think the whole debacle is getting a bit ridiculous now. No more back and forth. I think you should tell him he can have Willow or Wilhelmina, if he picks Willow you pick the middle name. If he picks Wilhelmina you pick the first name. Double barrel the surname end of discussion. Tell him there will be no more discussion over it. To go away and actually think about it. And only come back to you to talk about it once he has made his decision.

NotAMug · 22/08/2023 18:08

He's got to be joking, Willow Billie? Willow Wilhemina was bad enough. Poor kid will get bullied and have the name slightly changed to all sorts!!

FrogandToadAreFriends · 22/08/2023 18:19

Cascade39 · 22/08/2023 17:51

OP to be honest I think the whole debacle is getting a bit ridiculous now. No more back and forth. I think you should tell him he can have Willow or Wilhelmina, if he picks Willow you pick the middle name. If he picks Wilhelmina you pick the first name. Double barrel the surname end of discussion. Tell him there will be no more discussion over it. To go away and actually think about it. And only come back to you to talk about it once he has made his decision.

I think this is very sensible.

Inertia · 22/08/2023 18:24

Christ, this man is annoying me and I’ve never met him. How on earth can you be attracted to a man this whiny?

Stephanie( or whatever) is a ridiculous fudge.

The sensible option is Willow Yoursurname, as you’re not married, so you are the only parent with automatic parental responsibility.

The compromise option is Willow Yoursurname Hissurname- a name you both like plus a family name from each of you .

ConnieTucker · 22/08/2023 18:28

Cascade39 · 22/08/2023 17:51

OP to be honest I think the whole debacle is getting a bit ridiculous now. No more back and forth. I think you should tell him he can have Willow or Wilhelmina, if he picks Willow you pick the middle name. If he picks Wilhelmina you pick the first name. Double barrel the surname end of discussion. Tell him there will be no more discussion over it. To go away and actually think about it. And only come back to you to talk about it once he has made his decision.

This with so many bells on that it is mistaken for santa’s sleigh.

go with this

Inertia · 22/08/2023 18:30

I have now read the name Willow Wilhelmina so much that it’s given me an earworm based on the song Summer Nights from Grease.

Willow Wilhelmina UGH! Tell me more , tell me more …

Perhaps you should sing that around the house. Might put him off.

Rnh · 22/08/2023 18:38

I actually think it goes nice with willow!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/08/2023 18:39

Could she be Wilhelmina, shortened to Willow for every day, @thunderthunder3?

bobaloo · 22/08/2023 18:42

Skinthin · 22/08/2023 15:42

Willow Billie 😂😭 OP I honestly think the man is trolling you

I know! How could he make this any more ridiculous and difficult? Willow Billie is terrible.