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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH gone out with friends...

252 replies

jammydodgers0 · 19/08/2023 23:20

DH and I have a 12 week old baby.

He's a great Dad and great Husband but very annoying when he's drunk (maybe twice a year). He's gone out tonight with his friends, I dropped him and 2 of his friends off in town 30 minutes from where we live to meet other friends at 6pm.

He told me he wasn't drinking much tonight and I said I'd pick him up but I'm not picking him up any later than midnight because our baby has her last feed around 11:30 then goes down for the night. I thought I can give her the last feed, put her in the car, pick him up and get home to put her in the cot and get into bed myself by 12:30.

He said that's great and he'd text me to confirm at 8ish. Hadn't heard anything by 10 so I text him to ask him if I'm picking him up at 12, no reply by half 10 so I called him and he said "hmm not sure" he sounds drunk but said he'd read my text and message back. It's now 23:12 and I've heard nothing, my WhatsApp messages haven't got the blue ticks so he hasn't even opened my message.

I'm really annoyed because it's getting to the time of DD's last feed until 6am and I want to know whether to just go to bed after, I'm tired.

The last train back to our town is at 11:50 so he won't be getting on that as he clearly isn't ready to come home yet and taxis here are extortionate, would be around £75 to get home.

I know what's going to happen, he'll call me around 1am asking me to pick him up but I'm not taking our baby out of her cot when she's properly settled to go and do an hour round trip.

I don't want to call him again as don't want to be the "nagging wife" but I just think it's selfish. If I don't pick him up, he'd be able to sleep at one of his friends who lives in that town but I don't think that's fair because he was coming home.

Do I call? Or just text and say if he wants to come home he needs to let me know by 11:45 otherwise I'm not coming out and just leave it there?

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 19/08/2023 23:23

Personally, I would feed your baby and go to bed. If he ends up staying at a friends house, he can get the train back tomorrow.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 19/08/2023 23:24

You've offered and you've followed up and he's ignored you. Feed the baby and put them to bed then get to bed yourself. Text him 'goodnight, you didn't get back to me so I've gone to bed' then put your phone onto silent so you don't get woken up.

Babdoc · 19/08/2023 23:25

Go to bed and switch your phone off! Up to him how he gets home, when he hasn’t had the decency to stick to the agreed arrangement.

Timetochangegonzo · 19/08/2023 23:26

What kind of person expects someone to get out of bed and get up a 12 week old baby to pick them up? It’s insane.

Go to bed. Let your child sleep and your husband sort himself out

Lovehearts82 · 19/08/2023 23:26

I wouldn't have even offered to pick him up at all. If I was you now, I'd switch my phone off and go to bed. You gave him a cjanve to arrange to pick him up and hes not bothered. He's a grown man and can sort himself out.

determinedtomakethiswork · 19/08/2023 23:26

I would send one final text saying that I was going to bed and switching the phone off, and then I would do exactly that and leave him to his own devices.

truthhurts23 · 19/08/2023 23:27

you're not his mum, that is all I have to say

IWasFunBeforeMum · 19/08/2023 23:27

Don't offer lifts, simple.

Blankscreen · 19/08/2023 23:30

Yep feed the baby go to bed and send him a message saying 'night night night see you tomorrow ' and turn your phone off

Thisismeyeah · 19/08/2023 23:30

Message with your terms, o including response required by x time as you'll then be aseep and the just do that. He is a grown man and sort himself out. It doesn't sound like he makes a habit of it, so let him enjoy himself, and next time it will be your turn to go out he can stay home.

Original poster
jammydodgers0 · 19/08/2023 23:30

Thanks everyone.

We've always given each other lifts if the other is drinking, he's come out (pre having baby) to pick me up from a girls night lots of times without a complaint so I always offer on the rare occasion he does go out.

He's been online as his WhatsApp says last seen and it was after we spoke on the phone so I take it he doesn't want to reply to me so I'll feed our baby now and go to bed.

OP posts:
JenWillsiam · 19/08/2023 23:32

Go to bed. He can sort himself out.

TheChosenTwo · 19/08/2023 23:34

Yes just get yourself and the baby to bed and mute/switch your phone off. He’s a grown man and capable of making his own arrangements after ignoring your frankly bloody generous offer of lifts! I’ve never done this for dh unless I’ve been out somewhere and passing him.

wishuponastar1988 · 19/08/2023 23:34

Honestly I wouldn’t even offer to pick him up. Why can’t he get a taxi? You have a young baby at home and he’s an adult

kayserah · 19/08/2023 23:39

Blankscreen · 19/08/2023 23:30

Yep feed the baby go to bed and send him a message saying 'night night night see you tomorrow ' and turn your phone off

Yes I’d do this too

Wendysfriend · 19/08/2023 23:40

You have a good arrangement re picking each other up. We are the same here, however your situation has changed and you now have a baby and they are your priority. You need to settle the baby and get some sleep yourself, it's a lot of hassle putting a baby into the car at midnight. It's not often that he goes out, so I think I'd just message and say, you're settling the baby and he may as well have another couple of drinks and stay at mates house and you'll see him tomorrow. At least this way you're not out driving tired, you'll have the bed to yourself, and you won't have to listen to alcohol snoring.

Nanny0gg · 19/08/2023 23:48

wishuponastar1988 · 19/08/2023 23:34

Honestly I wouldn’t even offer to pick him up. Why can’t he get a taxi? You have a young baby at home and he’s an adult

Because it costs £75?

ReadingSoManyThreads · 19/08/2023 23:56

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IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 19/08/2023 23:57

He's an adult, he can get himself home.

Original poster
jammydodgers0 · 20/08/2023 00:01

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My health visitor actually said it's perfectly fine to leave her to sleep. Thanks for your unsolicited advice. She's nearly 13 weeks old not 3 weeks old. I was waking her at 3-4am for another bottle and the HV asked me why I was doing that as she's gaining weight and thriving. I'll leave her to sleep if she wants to sleep, thanks.

OP posts:
ReadingSoManyThreads · 20/08/2023 00:04

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SamAndEIIa · 20/08/2023 00:05

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🙄🙄😂

Nobody asked.

For what it’s worth, my son slept through the night on his first night out of NICU (he was three days old) and the NICU team were delighted for me.

Both my kids slept through the night by a month old and literally no health professional said we should wake them. Even though they were both under paeds.

Original poster
jammydodgers0 · 20/08/2023 00:06

@ReadingSoManyThreads please see attached from NHS website.

DH gone out with friends...
OP posts:
Original poster
jammydodgers0 · 20/08/2023 00:07

Thanks everyone, have text him to say I'm off to bed.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 20/08/2023 00:07

@ReadingSoManyThreads

It's completely fine (and normal) for 12 week baby to sleep through the night (and great for OP!)

Many babies don't - but this doesn't mean there's anything wrong if babies do.

It's dependent partially on their size - and OP says their baby is gaining weight.

And stop scaremongering about SIDS. Your point is not relevant here.