DH gone out with friends...

[jammydodgers0]

DH and I have a 12 week old baby.

He's a great Dad and great Husband but very annoying when he's drunk (maybe twice a year). He's gone out tonight with his friends, I dropped him and 2 of his friends off in town 30 minutes from where we live to meet other friends at 6pm.

He told me he wasn't drinking much tonight and I said I'd pick him up but I'm not picking him up any later than midnight because our baby has her last feed around 11:30 then goes down for the night. I thought I can give her the last feed, put her in the car, pick him up and get home to put her in the cot and get into bed myself by 12:30.

He said that's great and he'd text me to confirm at 8ish. Hadn't heard anything by 10 so I text him to ask him if I'm picking him up at 12, no reply by half 10 so I called him and he said "hmm not sure" he sounds drunk but said he'd read my text and message back. It's now 23:12 and I've heard nothing, my WhatsApp messages haven't got the blue ticks so he hasn't even opened my message.

I'm really annoyed because it's getting to the time of DD's last feed until 6am and I want to know whether to just go to bed after, I'm tired.

The last train back to our town is at 11:50 so he won't be getting on that as he clearly isn't ready to come home yet and taxis here are extortionate, would be around £75 to get home.

I know what's going to happen, he'll call me around 1am asking me to pick him up but I'm not taking our baby out of her cot when she's properly settled to go and do an hour round trip.

I don't want to call him again as don't want to be the "nagging wife" but I just think it's selfish. If I don't pick him up, he'd be able to sleep at one of his friends who lives in that town but I don't think that's fair because he was coming home.

Do I call? Or just text and say if he wants to come home he needs to let me know by 11:45 otherwise I'm not coming out and just leave it there?

@CrazyArmadilloLady

do you never go out with your pals?

or is it wine, tv and pj’s for you every single night?

Yes, and get myself home - why?

People in mumsnet are nuts. We have a 15 week old - dh and I have both been on nights out (call the mumsnet police) and both offered and followed through with picking each other up. Shock. Horror.

My husband can also be shit about getting back to me about times when drunk, as can I when drunk - I think the issue is a lot of the people on here are never in a situation to text it i.e. husband should be divorced for ever leaving the house, mum should be sat by babies side 24/7.

Also - Don't tell anyone by my 15 week old sleeps throught the night!! He's bigger than all his equal aged friends, has gained weight easier and also is so chilled out people actually find it comical.

You are doing a great job mumma. Ignore the women on here who had babies in the 90s and are unaware of current NHS advice.

Oh Mumsnet where women and mothers are supported

it's like a fucking zoo here sometimes.

My husband can also be shit about getting back to me about times when drunk, as can I when drunk - I think the issue is a lot of the people on here are never in a situation to text it i.e. husband should be divorced for ever leaving the house, mum should be sat by babies side 24/7.

This is nuts….!

Honestly, do none of you go out with your friends, have a fun night and then just get yourselves home?! This is how everyone I know operates on a night out.

All the lift giving is crazy, and is obviously a PITA for you all - you all seem to admit as much.

If someone’s ‘shit at getting back to you’, then let them sort themselves out… 😳

In our friendship circle, the men take it in turns to pick us girls up and drop us home so none of us have to get a taxi or walk.

The men will arrange themselves taxis if they know it's going to be a late one if not the girls also take it in turns to get them, some of them with older children won't get them out of bed to go and collect them (completely understand and I won't be disturbing a 3 year old in the middle of the night either) however, this weekend wasn't supposed to be a big night out but turned out to be that therefore unexpected taxis/Ubers cost a lot.

It's what friends/partners do for each other.

We catch Ubers home together when we’re good and ready, and let our partners chill at home, not waiting up.

We don’t take the piss, ignoring their repeated texts asking where we are and when we’re coming home.

It’s what friends/partners do for each other.

@CrazyArmadilloLady

for goodness sake, it’s really not the end of the world to give your partner a lift to and from a night out every so oft!

Spot on PP. People on here acting like it is completey off the wall to give a lift to your partner 🤣. Also I'm guessing these people definitely do not live / go out where it costs an extortionate amount to get a cab. We would rather, on the rare occasion we go out out, pick each other up as it works for us. Why does mumsnet never understand that just because couples do things differently to how they do, doesn't make it wrong 🤔 mumsnet has certainly lost its way unfortunately. OP was asking for advice and has had so many people be so rude to her just because she does things in a way which works for them.

It is off the wall to give a lift to your partner when it involves waking a sleepjng child at fuck o' clock to bring them with you.

It is not off the wall to not drink so much that your partner has to come and rescue you. I've been very drunk but have always been able to get myself home.

Particularly when said child is a 12 week old baby. Can people not read?

Exactly!!! Mum and baby should be safe asleep and at home !!! Not driving about half the blinking night ..

The OP doesn't mind. Can't YOU read?

Driving round half the night you say?

Why ? Can’t you read

Right. She seems thrilled with the arrangement. So ‘thrilled’, she started this thread…

Suggest you go back and read the OP - it’s someone who’s been completely dicked around, who - in her own words - has called her DH ‘selfish’, who’s ‘annoyed’ and who definitely does mind….

Exactly this

They aren’t and were never going to be driving round half the night though?

Because he wasn’t communicating not because of the original request!

Figure of speech, 12 week old baby shouldn’t be out with new mum at night
picking up a drunken husband, he should have more respect for them both
is what I was meaning …

Right, so I can read and comprehend?

Can you comprehend the OP, she was happy to do it? She was not complaining at picking him up, she agreed.

So why is he the only person at fault according to you? Surely if you think the baby shouldn’t be out, to follow your rules, then mum shouldn’t have agreed to it?

I would stop taking him to these type of get togethers. One of his friends can take him since you are okay with this. Frankly when my kids (3 of them) were babies there would be no such thing. Once you have a baby priorities change. Also, invite friends over to watch a game, movie at your place. Tell all them to bring their own beverages and then you can stay home and take care of your baby. That is what I would do.

“No such thing” … so controlling!

Maybe his mates don’t want to come for a play date? Maybe they want to go out like adults?

Everyone talking about waking a baby in the middle of the night to pick up someone... am I the only one whose baby could literally sleep through a hurricane 🤣 I could easily get him out of bed in the car and home again and he wouldn't so much as flinch 😅 different babies I suppose which I guess is why thoughts and feelings differ so much on this. I'm also late to bed so I guess that I'm not woken up. So I'm not being woken up in this situation and baby certainly wouldn't wake. Which I guess the mums who are so very very against an arrangement of lifts are probably early to bed and babies who wake. Hubby and I both are more than happy that once this changes, it'll be expensive taxi rides home.

Do think women of mumsnet need to be kinder to posters and more helpful in responses. Such a shame it's become like this. Love one of PP who described mumsnet as a 'fucking zoo' 🤣🤣🤣

@KatGirl007

lol do you think people no longer go out once they have kids?! what a boring and controlled life that would be!
glad I’m not married to you!