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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH gone out with friends...

252 replies

jammydodgers0 · 19/08/2023 23:20

DH and I have a 12 week old baby.

He's a great Dad and great Husband but very annoying when he's drunk (maybe twice a year). He's gone out tonight with his friends, I dropped him and 2 of his friends off in town 30 minutes from where we live to meet other friends at 6pm.

He told me he wasn't drinking much tonight and I said I'd pick him up but I'm not picking him up any later than midnight because our baby has her last feed around 11:30 then goes down for the night. I thought I can give her the last feed, put her in the car, pick him up and get home to put her in the cot and get into bed myself by 12:30.

He said that's great and he'd text me to confirm at 8ish. Hadn't heard anything by 10 so I text him to ask him if I'm picking him up at 12, no reply by half 10 so I called him and he said "hmm not sure" he sounds drunk but said he'd read my text and message back. It's now 23:12 and I've heard nothing, my WhatsApp messages haven't got the blue ticks so he hasn't even opened my message.

I'm really annoyed because it's getting to the time of DD's last feed until 6am and I want to know whether to just go to bed after, I'm tired.

The last train back to our town is at 11:50 so he won't be getting on that as he clearly isn't ready to come home yet and taxis here are extortionate, would be around £75 to get home.

I know what's going to happen, he'll call me around 1am asking me to pick him up but I'm not taking our baby out of her cot when she's properly settled to go and do an hour round trip.

I don't want to call him again as don't want to be the "nagging wife" but I just think it's selfish. If I don't pick him up, he'd be able to sleep at one of his friends who lives in that town but I don't think that's fair because he was coming home.

Do I call? Or just text and say if he wants to come home he needs to let me know by 11:45 otherwise I'm not coming out and just leave it there?

OP posts:
floribunda18 · 20/08/2023 05:31

Yeah, you can't wake the baby and pick him up. DH missed his stop on the train once and had a very expensive taxi ride home. Another time he spent the night on a station platform! After that experience he seemed to realise his stupidity and grow up/moderate himself a bit.

floribunda18 · 20/08/2023 05:33

Also if it was his turn to get up first at the weekend he still had to do that, with a stonking hangover. I wasn't giving up my lie in for anyone.

BlastedIce · 20/08/2023 05:46

Nanny0gg · 19/08/2023 23:48

Because it costs £75?

Show quote history

He can get a trade n at 11.50 so why would he need a lift?

BlastedIce · 20/08/2023 05:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

And you think you’re a trusted source of information? You think you’re helpful?

LucyMay33 · 20/08/2023 05:54

Hi op, my now year old little one slept through night from 5 weeks. I was waking him to feed but HV said to let him sleep if he wants and he’ll wake if wants a feed. Said to enjoy getting a good sleep myself!
Sounds like you did right thing with husband, little one comes first now.

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 20/08/2023 06:01

I hope you didn't get woken by your DH, OP, sbd that he did sort himself out

Yes v unreasonable of him to expect you to go pick him up when you've a young baby.

Museya15 · 20/08/2023 06:32

Any man that would expect you to pick him up is a knob, unless its you that has suggested it in which you are at fault.

YukoandHiro · 20/08/2023 06:34

Babdoc · 19/08/2023 23:25

Go to bed and switch your phone off! Up to him how he gets home, when he hasn’t had the decency to stick to the agreed arrangement.

This!

rwalker · 20/08/2023 06:38

Timetochangegonzo · 19/08/2023 23:26

What kind of person expects someone to get out of bed and get up a 12 week old baby to pick them up? It’s insane.

Go to bed. Let your child sleep and your husband sort himself out

We did this for each other can’t see the problem

CrazyArmadilloLady · 20/08/2023 06:54

rwalker · 20/08/2023 06:38

We did this for each other can’t see the problem

Show quote history

Your DH got a 12 week old baby up and came out to get you after midnight?

SJM1988 · 20/08/2023 07:06

I think midnight is a reasonable cutoff and if you have said to him midnight if your cutoff then that is fine. After that he has to sort himself out.
We have a simialr arrangement in our house. We live somewhere with no public transport and its £50-£75 in a taxi back from most places we would go.
I picked up my DH up last night at 930pm taking both kids with me (they are 6 and 18 months now). He knows my cutoff it around 11pm thenhe has to find his own way home. I've done it since our eldest was little (probs around 12 weeks too) and its usually only 2-3 times a year.

Also ignore the poster on about it not being right for the baby to be sleeping that long withouta feed. At 12 weeks its fine (from everything ive been told by midwives and doctors) for them to go 6 hours at night without a feed. My youngest dropped the 11/12 bottle between 12-16 weeks too. The hv was really positive about it and my history means I'm a little ott on the whole SIDS issue. I totally get the whole anxiety because of your history and it not helpful at all when that wasnt the point of your post.

PurpleWhirple · 20/08/2023 07:18

I was trying to be helpful, so no need to be cheeky. It's not as if HV's are a trusted source of evidence-based knowledge.

Unlike random internet strangers

BravoMyDear · 20/08/2023 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wow, imagine offering completely unsolicited (incorrect) advice and then complaining that the OTHER person is cheeky 😬

OnlineExxxcitement · 20/08/2023 07:28

Did he get back OK???

SquishyGloopyBum · 20/08/2023 07:29

You were being more than accommodating offering to get him at midnight with a 12week old baby.

I'd be furious if he ignored me.

I hope he didn't try call later on. I'd be having words op- life has changed for you all now.

DandDoodlz67 · 20/08/2023 07:30

Hope you’re ok op? Did you get some sleep and did he eventually turn up?
I hated my dh for doing this sort of thing it was only couple of times a year but drove me mad! I have now learnt that when he goes out , he turns into an idiot and any intention he has or says of coming home early or not drinking much all goes to s@*#
and he is unreliable so I assume he’ll be out all night and wasted and he never disappoints me!

ZebraD · 20/08/2023 07:33

Did he back ok?

rwalker · 20/08/2023 07:39

CrazyArmadilloLady · 20/08/2023 06:54

Your DH got a 12 week old baby up and came out to get you after midnight?

Show quote history

I’m the dh and yes we did
didn’t even wake up when lift the out and into car seat
tbf if it would if unsettled them and caused a problem we wouldn’t of done it
taxis would if been over half the cost of our nights out

Yellowlegobrick · 20/08/2023 07:43

Really sorry but a baby needs feeding through the night, and should not be going 6.5hours without a feed in the night. This is to prevent SIDS. They need feeding little and often. Sorry, but this really struck me and so many people don't know how important night feeds are!

Ds was 100% breastfed and did 6 hours at 8 weeks. He used to feed all the bloody time during the day and the hv said its common to tank up in the day and do a longer stretch at night.

Sueveneers · 20/08/2023 07:43

@ReadingSoManyThreads You are so very deeply ill-informed and posting dangerously bad advice. It's clear you've never had a baby by your wrong and ignorant advice. Stop embarrassing yourself, and educate yourself.

Yellowlegobrick · 20/08/2023 07:43

Oh and they need feeding on demand. That might be little and often but it varies.

Sueveneers · 20/08/2023 07:46

LifeExperience · 20/08/2023 00:56

Ignore the unsolicited advice. My first didn't sleep through until 6 months, but my second began sleeping through at 3 weeks. And I let her! Both are healthy, productive adults.

Some people just don't know when to keep their opinions to themselves.

Yep, it's not just that it's unsolicited, it's the advice is absolutely wrong and ignorant.

Gh12345 · 20/08/2023 07:48

This thread really took a turn.

I would suggest to OP now that you have a baby, I would encourage him to stay over at a friends and come back on a train in morning - for any future nights out. I couldn’t be bothered with going to get them and soon your baby will probably go to bed a bit earlier as they get older. Just a suggestion then you don’t have to be anxious

Summerrainagain1 · 20/08/2023 07:50

PinkiOcelot · 19/08/2023 23:23

Personally, I would feed your baby and go to bed. If he ends up staying at a friends house, he can get the train back tomorrow.

This.

Why on earth are you playing taxi for another adult who is perfectly capable o making his own way home? I wouldn't even have been entertaining the prearranged/ midnight pick up in your position.

Mikimoto · 20/08/2023 07:59

I would suggest to OP now that you have a baby, I would encourage him to stay over at a friends and come back on a train in morning

I mean, I'm all for child independence, but....