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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH gone out with friends...

252 replies

jammydodgers0 · 19/08/2023 23:20

DH and I have a 12 week old baby.

He's a great Dad and great Husband but very annoying when he's drunk (maybe twice a year). He's gone out tonight with his friends, I dropped him and 2 of his friends off in town 30 minutes from where we live to meet other friends at 6pm.

He told me he wasn't drinking much tonight and I said I'd pick him up but I'm not picking him up any later than midnight because our baby has her last feed around 11:30 then goes down for the night. I thought I can give her the last feed, put her in the car, pick him up and get home to put her in the cot and get into bed myself by 12:30.

He said that's great and he'd text me to confirm at 8ish. Hadn't heard anything by 10 so I text him to ask him if I'm picking him up at 12, no reply by half 10 so I called him and he said "hmm not sure" he sounds drunk but said he'd read my text and message back. It's now 23:12 and I've heard nothing, my WhatsApp messages haven't got the blue ticks so he hasn't even opened my message.

I'm really annoyed because it's getting to the time of DD's last feed until 6am and I want to know whether to just go to bed after, I'm tired.

The last train back to our town is at 11:50 so he won't be getting on that as he clearly isn't ready to come home yet and taxis here are extortionate, would be around £75 to get home.

I know what's going to happen, he'll call me around 1am asking me to pick him up but I'm not taking our baby out of her cot when she's properly settled to go and do an hour round trip.

I don't want to call him again as don't want to be the "nagging wife" but I just think it's selfish. If I don't pick him up, he'd be able to sleep at one of his friends who lives in that town but I don't think that's fair because he was coming home.

Do I call? Or just text and say if he wants to come home he needs to let me know by 11:45 otherwise I'm not coming out and just leave it there?

OP posts:
LifeExperience · 20/08/2023 00:56

Ignore the unsolicited advice. My first didn't sleep through until 6 months, but my second began sleeping through at 3 weeks. And I let her! Both are healthy, productive adults.

Some people just don't know when to keep their opinions to themselves.

EarringsandLipstick · 20/08/2023 00:57

HMW1906 · 20/08/2023 00:33

What’s with all these people posting about babies sleeping through the night??? This isn’t what the poster was asking about! Wind your necks in!
And if you are going to give unsolicited advice, make sure you have current evidence to back it up 🙄

'All these people'? 🤔

No, one poster & the rest of us telling her to cop on

HTH

ClairDeLaLune · 20/08/2023 01:08

Lysianthus · 20/08/2023 00:46

Seriously? You are giving unsolicited advice to a complete stranger on the internet? Not even in the context of the thread? Go and do a sudoku.

Show quote history

Unsolicited and BAD advice. EBF DD slept 8 hours a night at 6 weeks and had long naps during the day. I was worried about her and asked my HV, she laughed and said she’d never heard of a mum complaining her baby slept too much before! She’s 17 now and still loves her sleep.

Vitriolinsanity · 20/08/2023 01:12

Oh for gods own sake. Feed the baby. Send a text saying going to bed, get a cab.

JanglingJack · 20/08/2023 01:20

Babdoc · 19/08/2023 23:25

Go to bed and switch your phone off! Up to him how he gets home, when he hasn’t had the decency to stick to the agreed arrangement.

My first thought was go to bed, switch your phone off too.

He's a grown man, he can make his own way home. Enjoy the bed - starfish!

JanglingJack · 20/08/2023 01:23

What is going on? Mine as slept through from 8 and then 10 weeks. That's not the point 🤷.

I hope you've got your phone switched off OP just so you don't get notifications!

WandaWonder · 20/08/2023 01:27

I would have no problem my husband going out but no way would I be going to get him at that time of the morning baby or not

I would not expect him to do this for me at all either

He gets home when he gets home

Vitriolinsanity · 20/08/2023 01:27

@JanglingJack lazy parenting. DS slept right through after his first bottle. Have you thought about what you were doing wrong <head tilt€

WandaWonder · 20/08/2023 01:31

Our baby slept 12 hours on an night, I am saying that as a fact only

NewName122 · 20/08/2023 01:53

Mine always slept through too. Never changed as he got bigger. Enjoy your sleep. Hope your phones on silent.

elifont · 20/08/2023 01:59

If he's a great dad and husband and it's a one off then tell him to enjoy his night and get a taxi when he wants.

JANEY205 · 20/08/2023 02:03

How is it ‘not fair’ if he stays out with a friend? It’s healthy for each parent to get to go out especially if he doesn’t go out often.

Thomasina79 · 20/08/2023 02:06

This thread has gone from being about a woman who has unfair demands made on her by her DH and who is trying to do her best by everyone to being critiqued for her treatment of her little baby. Give her a break! You’re doing fine OP and your little one is clearly thriving! Your DH can sleep at his friends house and you should go to bed with a clear conscious!

Lottiexox · 20/08/2023 02:14

my DD has slept through from being 2 month old and was never told to wake her by any health professional she 3 weeks early to and I was advised to feed every 4 hours but she started to get fussy with the 3am feed and she was gaining anyway.. I now have a happy healthy 1 year old who really loves her sleep

fridaynight1 · 20/08/2023 02:16

Feed your baby. Go to bed. And see what the night brings.

All mine slept through the night at 12 weeks and they all grew up to be healthy human adults.

If your DH rings for a lift, go get him. Baby is not going to be traumatised by this.

So much drama on Mumsnet over nothing. I predict he will call a taxi and arrive home late, pissed and happy. And all will be well.

OneMoreCookieMonster · 20/08/2023 02:18

Absolutely get all the sleep you can get. No need to be carting a baby out at that time after she's settled. I wouldn't suggest you break that beautiful routine you've got going . I'm genuinely jealous. Mine is a similar age and doesn't sleep!

Your H is being selfish. Going out and blowing off steam is one thing but he's disrespecting you by not giving you a straight answer. Its not ideal that he'll be useless in the morning but occasionally it's OK. But, he's now taking the piss. Wish men would just do what they say the first time. (Some men not all )

Rainbowqueeen · 20/08/2023 02:24

Feed baby switch phone off and go to bed

Discussion with DH during the week about how things are different now and he needs to be respectful of your need to get a straight answer and of your need to maximise your sleep.
i also hope you have your own night out planned and that if you end up doing everything for baby tomorrow because he is too hung over, that he acknowledges that and says off his own bay that he will be extra next weekend.

user1492757084 · 20/08/2023 04:56

Tell him to catch the train and that you are going to bed with your phone off.

Next Mates Night Out ask him to spare you the worry and concrete his plans and share them before he leaves.

GiddyUpH · 20/08/2023 05:06

FFS, poor OP. Her husband is already being a git and now a poster is worrying her about SIDS and being arsey.

Bluebellsandharebells · 20/08/2023 05:07

OP, you are a mug.

Why are you offering to be a taxi service for an adult when you have a young baby?

He's an adult, let him sort his own arrangements out.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 20/08/2023 05:17

He goes out with his mates and has a few drinks is twice a year?

Just wave him off and leave him to it.

I honestly can’t believe you’re offering to pick him up - it doesn’t matter if you used to do it, you now have a baby, it’s ridiculous to be doing that (you offering, and him accepting).

He’s out and he’s enjoying himself, stop texting him and leave him to his own devices. This isn’t an issue. Sorry to be unsympathetic, but it’s just not necessary. You wouldn’t appreciate him doing this to you, if you were on a rare night out, having fun with friends.

Codlingmoths · 20/08/2023 05:21

Ignore the derailment, you’re a good mum as well as a lucky one to have a baby that sleeps. Go to bed!

Roselilly36 · 20/08/2023 05:25

Yep I agree, go to bed. Great that your baby sleeps well OP, why on earth would someone suggest waking a baby for a feed? I certainly never would have done so with my two.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 20/08/2023 05:26

Your H is being selfish. Going out and blowing off steam is one thing but he's disrespecting you by not giving you a straight answer. Its not ideal that he'll be useless in the morning but occasionally it's OK. But, he's now taking the piss. Wish men would just do what they say the first time. (Some men not all )

Reading between the lines, I’m getting the impression it’s just not worth him saying, ‘it’s probably going to be a late one, I’ll make my own way home or sleep over at a mate’s’.

So he says what’s going to cause the least drama, just to get out the door.

He should just be able to say the above ^^ and that should be that, but clearly he doesn’t feel he can.

KissyMissy · 20/08/2023 05:28

Hope you managed to sleep well OP

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