DH gone out with friends...

[jammydodgers0]

DH and I have a 12 week old baby.

He's a great Dad and great Husband but very annoying when he's drunk (maybe twice a year). He's gone out tonight with his friends, I dropped him and 2 of his friends off in town 30 minutes from where we live to meet other friends at 6pm.

He told me he wasn't drinking much tonight and I said I'd pick him up but I'm not picking him up any later than midnight because our baby has her last feed around 11:30 then goes down for the night. I thought I can give her the last feed, put her in the car, pick him up and get home to put her in the cot and get into bed myself by 12:30.

He said that's great and he'd text me to confirm at 8ish. Hadn't heard anything by 10 so I text him to ask him if I'm picking him up at 12, no reply by half 10 so I called him and he said "hmm not sure" he sounds drunk but said he'd read my text and message back. It's now 23:12 and I've heard nothing, my WhatsApp messages haven't got the blue ticks so he hasn't even opened my message.

I'm really annoyed because it's getting to the time of DD's last feed until 6am and I want to know whether to just go to bed after, I'm tired.

The last train back to our town is at 11:50 so he won't be getting on that as he clearly isn't ready to come home yet and taxis here are extortionate, would be around £75 to get home.

I know what's going to happen, he'll call me around 1am asking me to pick him up but I'm not taking our baby out of her cot when she's properly settled to go and do an hour round trip.

I don't want to call him again as don't want to be the "nagging wife" but I just think it's selfish. If I don't pick him up, he'd be able to sleep at one of his friends who lives in that town but I don't think that's fair because he was coming home.

Do I call? Or just text and say if he wants to come home he needs to let me know by 11:45 otherwise I'm not coming out and just leave it there?

@SamAndEIIa she's been doing 11:30-6 for a couple of weeks now. My Mum said her health visitor told her off for waking me as I slept 6 hours straight from a newborn! She said that women would kill to have a baby like me so my Mum needs to take advantage of it 😂

@EarringsandLipstick I suffer anxiety and had multiple miscarriages before I had her so it's really not nice to read comments like PP but I'll keep doing what I've been doing as I'm just following our DD's lead and she's perfectly healthy.

We've always given each other lifts if the other is drinking,

Life* *is different now. Get yourself to bed, it's too late to be tipping out with a newborn. He'll figure it out.

I would never have even considered taking my young baby out at midnight for any reason, especially not to get my partner from a night out drinking. Baby should be cozy and asleep in bed, not being strapped into a car to drive for an hours round trip to get a drunk daddy.

I wouldn't have thought of it or considered it. And I would've been mighty pissed off if my husband had of suggested it!

Going out you find your own way home with a young baby like that. Leave and get the train home, you've had your fun. Or sleep at a friends house/hotel and get train in morning.

I think your response was quite measured and not cheeky. Although HVs don't always get everything right I would generally take their advice over a stranger on the Internet. Sleep well

Exactly!

Never wake a sleeping baby. What kind of crazy person does that?! Unless, of course, baby has failure to thrive or something. Which I’m sure you would have lead with if it was applicable!

I hope your husband has a suitably sore head tomorrow and you go off to get your nails done/a massage.

@ReadingSoManyThreads it's not helpful. I didn't post asking for advice on my DD. It's not just unhelpful, it's also not true. I know older babies can sadly die from SIDS but what do you suggest I do? Wake her every 3 hours when she wants to sleep? Be a nervous wreck? Sit by her cot all night?

My baby was sleeping through at 12 weeks. Ignore that poster!

You're alright, you're alright. Just ignore that post, everyone else agrees with you. It's all ok.

I'm very sorry to hear that 😔 I'm really glad you're able to ignore that poster's ill-advised & ill-informed comments & make the right choices for your baby.

It sounds like you're doing great!

(As an aside, DC2, breastfed, started sleeping though - about 1130 - 630, like your baby! - at 7 weeks. I remember the first time waking terrified in the morning. However, he was (and still is, at 14!) a boy who loves his sleep, and he fed like a demon during the day to compensate. Neither DC1 or 3 were remotely as settled but he was a nice surprise!)

The first feed my son stopped waking for was the 2am feed, I bottle fed him about 11pm and he was sleeping through until 7 or 8am by 8 or 9 weeks. He is 27 now, didn't do him any harm.

I would never have even considered taking my young baby out at midnight for any reason,

I thought this too, got derailed by the poster with silly advice on feeding / sleep
/ SIDS!

I mean fair play to OP but I definitely wouldn't have done even this. I'd have imagined you'd have done the night feed already in jammies & bed!

Glad you're going to go to bed now. It's a bit heedless of your DH not to reply / confirm.

@jammydodgers0 didn't ask for advice on night feeds she asked about her dh. On that note, my advice is to go to bed and leave him to it, then discuss it with him in the morning when he's back as it's inconsiderate to keep you hanging.

@ReadingSoManyThreads

Why derail the thread, especially when you've been told it's not wanted.

You mean you don’t wake your 27 year old for a night feed? That’s negligent.

Honestly fuck off with the derailment!!

op hope you go to bed - update us tomorrow with lost keys, phoning you and wanting a lift, weeing in the wardrobe and kebab puking 😆

am joking obviously however I'm not averse to the above once a year or so

No way- at 13 weeks? My first slept through from an 11.30 feed until 7 am at 8 weeks old.

DS2 took longer to do that but there is no reason to wake a 3 month old in the middle of the night if they can sleep through.

Thought I’d add in that the internet is filled with people saying that the OP is doing perfectly well with her baby (see pic as an example).
Also, in a perfect world, I take my medication between 9:30p and 11:30pm each day. So if my partner wants to go out, I have to know in svante as taking it later affects my other doses. He knows if he doesn’t tell me in advance then he has to sort himself out. Since not telling you in advance meant you couldn’t have changed babies feeds (even if you’d wanted to), he has no right to be annoyed and I say leave him to it and go to bed yourself!

I forgot the pic - here we go!

PS Your DH is old enough to sort himself out. No way would I be going out at that time.

What’s with all these people posting about babies sleeping through the night??? This isn’t what the poster was asking about! Wind your necks in!
And if you are going to give unsolicited advice, make sure you have current evidence to back it up 🙄

Does Uber/Taxis/ etc not exist there? There is no way in Hell I would have gone and picked my husband up at midnight with a relatively new baby in tow, regardless of any medication or anything else. A teenage child? Yes.

Original post was derailed by another poster commenting on how OP shouldn't let her DC sleep through the night without feed 🙄

Anyway OP keep us posted I'm sure DH will look after himself. My DP is the same, I gave up in the end and leave him to his own devices.

So a trained health visitor isn’t reliable - yet you want her to listen to a stranger on the internet?

My baby, like many others, slept through from 11 weeks old. She would have done from younger too, if I hadn’t been scared by strangers online like you… until my doctor told me that waking up a baby to take 1/2oz milk that she didn’t want was a waste of time. She’s now 18months, perfectly healthy, with no concerns.

Please leave the OP to get answers for what her actual post was for.

OP - my husband used to do the same.
I’m hoping you’ve already gone to bed but if not… next time say ‘if I haven’t heard from you buy X time, don’t call me I’ll be in bed - but I’d be grateful for a message to let me know you’re safe.’

Seriously? You are giving unsolicited advice to a complete stranger on the internet? Not even in the context of the thread? Go and do a sudoku.