DH gone out with friends...

[jammydodgers0]

DH and I have a 12 week old baby.

He's a great Dad and great Husband but very annoying when he's drunk (maybe twice a year). He's gone out tonight with his friends, I dropped him and 2 of his friends off in town 30 minutes from where we live to meet other friends at 6pm.

He told me he wasn't drinking much tonight and I said I'd pick him up but I'm not picking him up any later than midnight because our baby has her last feed around 11:30 then goes down for the night. I thought I can give her the last feed, put her in the car, pick him up and get home to put her in the cot and get into bed myself by 12:30.

He said that's great and he'd text me to confirm at 8ish. Hadn't heard anything by 10 so I text him to ask him if I'm picking him up at 12, no reply by half 10 so I called him and he said "hmm not sure" he sounds drunk but said he'd read my text and message back. It's now 23:12 and I've heard nothing, my WhatsApp messages haven't got the blue ticks so he hasn't even opened my message.

I'm really annoyed because it's getting to the time of DD's last feed until 6am and I want to know whether to just go to bed after, I'm tired.

The last train back to our town is at 11:50 so he won't be getting on that as he clearly isn't ready to come home yet and taxis here are extortionate, would be around £75 to get home.

I know what's going to happen, he'll call me around 1am asking me to pick him up but I'm not taking our baby out of her cot when she's properly settled to go and do an hour round trip.

I don't want to call him again as don't want to be the "nagging wife" but I just think it's selfish. If I don't pick him up, he'd be able to sleep at one of his friends who lives in that town but I don't think that's fair because he was coming home.

Do I call? Or just text and say if he wants to come home he needs to let me know by 11:45 otherwise I'm not coming out and just leave it there?

Hope you had a good sleep @jammydodgers0 x

@ReadingSoManyThreads My daughter was premature and with a serious heart condition. She slept through before she was full term. Two neonatal consultants said it was fine to let her sleep but that she’d probably wake for feeds if we didn’t wake her. She didn’t wake so we let her sleep.

@jammydodgers0 - I hope you and your baby had a peaceful night’s sleep and your DH is dozing on a sofa somewhere.

Yep this.

Life is different now.

OP "What shall I do about picking up my husband?"
Randoms on MN. "You're doing it all wrong with your baby"

It's a wonder anyone posts on MN about anything personal.

Dad of a toddler here. Going out with my mates to get drunk ended the moment our first child was born - at least for the foreseeable future. If you're happy for him to have a night on the town, fine. But if you're expected to be his chauffeur? Not fine, at all. Get your sleep, it's important to you and baby, and let your husband work out how to get home when he's ignored your arrangements. YANBU.

So how did he get home?

I wouldn’t offer again. Not least because there’s some idiots on the road at that time on the weekends. Let him get a taxi and pay for it himself if he won’t get on the last train at 11.50. Fair enough he picked you up many times in the past but now you’ve got a young baby that is sleeping well I wouldn’t be taking her out at that time to pick up a pissed husband.

Love it when people come in with completely unsolicited advice, unrelated to anything the OP has asked.

It's even better when it's nonsense

Hi everyone

Erm not really sure what to make of this thread, being called a mug by one poster, another telling me I should be waking baby up for feeds because of SIDS, it's really not nice.

I'm a long time poster but name changed, been on here years and it's changed so much, people seem to be really rude about the tiniest thing.

I put DD in her cot and got into bed, DH is fast asleep on sofa, he didn't wake me or DD up.

I don't really think I'm a mug, DH goes out maybe 3 times a year, I used to go out about once a month with the girls (not drinking to the extent the boys do but a couple of cocktails and a glass of wine) we've always picked each other up. I understand that life has changed now and if it was winter and DD older neither of us will be picking each other up but I don't think it would have done any harm to have taken her out last night, it's not exactly cold out and DD is young enough to sleep through being put in the car/taken out of the car.

Anyway, I'll be waking him up soon as Dad duties will need to commence so it's going to suck to be him today as I know he'll have the worst hangover 😂 I expect he'll say sorry for being a drunk fool and not sticking to our arrangement and it'll all be fine.

This. Baby or no baby, you are not a teen’s mum.

I don’t know why it is so difficult for adults to understand that:

1. If you want to drink and use public transport, you are not going to be able to stay out late.

2. If you want to go out and stay out late, you drink one or none at all.

3. If you want to go out with same set of friends from time to time. Take turns choosing a designated driver.

Having another person to pick you up after midnight so you can get nicely drunk is selfish immature behaviour endorsed by the idiot who is agreeing to do the lifts (sorry op, but it is absolutely mental that he is expecting you to get out bed with a baby after midnight so he can get drunk, for the sake of yourself and your child stop that shit, set some fair boundaries and let dad take responsibility for his own actions or lack off, you do not need a manchild, don’t make him one by allowing such behaviours)

His friend who lives 15 minutes from us called his girlfriend to pick them up (no kids) and she dropped him home, I woke up to a text from her saying "all the boys are a right state, I dropped him home and he made me take a tenner but I'll give it back to you when I see you" of course I won't be taking the £10 off of her, she done him a massive favour and saved them a lot of money on a cab.

Your thread took a mental turn, didn’t it? This place has gone somewhat to the dogs.

Glad you got stuff sorted. I hope he’s functional today and you can get a rest yourself.

Glad you got some sleep OP and he's safely home.

You can enjoy watching his hangover today. Fingers crossed for some really dodgy nappies for him to change.

Ignore the muppets on your thread. Your doing nothing wrong.

OP it isn't weird, and you aren't a mug. My DH and I often pick each other up from nights out because taxis are really expensive here, and we'd both rather the other gets home safely.

I'm glad he got back OK, you got a good sleep and all carries on as normal!

You sound very sensible, glad all worked out well.

Glad all turned out well. We have been married for 25 years and I have been in your situation a few times when DS was younger.

And wow, yes … how a post can turn!

Have a lovely day OP
xx

Glad he got home OK and didn't wake you - he sounds very considerate

Ignore the haters, everyone loves to derail a thread x

I think some posters can’t see past their own situations/relationships to realise that what is unacceptable to them is perfectly fine for other people! Don’t take it to heart.

the only thing I would say is that the coming home arrangements should be firmed up before they go out (unless something comes up) so you don’t have to think about it at all, unless he texts you by a certain time for instance. It’s annoying that he wasn’t getting back to you, because you’re sat there not knowing and can’t properly relax for the night in case you have to go out, and the last thing drunk people are thinking about is the end of the night! 😂 you obviously have a good relationship but that would annoy me to be honest. Just needs a bit more thought/organising on his part!

Ironic that you called the OP cheeky (after she quite fairly responded to your post) and then you said this....

But that's fine you carry on, I just didn't realise babies older than 3 weeks old were immune to SIDS 🙄

She wasn't 'cheeky' but you were a bit of a dick!

She’s THIRTEEN weeks. Trust me - unsolicited advice is never well received, particularly when you get it wrong. If you’re going to stick in random advice make sure you’re right. 6.5 hours at 3 months is not a problem.

Bloody hell, this thread is mental! So because OP picks up her partner on one of his very few nights out she’s a mug?! What does that make him seeing as OP used to go out much more pre baby?! Sometimes, just sometimes, couples in a relationship are happy to help each other out and encourage the other one to have a good time!

And screw all the unsolicited advice about the baby sleeping for 6 hours without a feed. Some of you just love to bring a woman down!

I like the irony of the SIDS poster advising that HVs don't know it all but rather she, a random on the internet, should be heeded instead.

Love a juicy piece of irrelevant unsolicited advice.

Mine were all good sleepers (sorry) who mostly slept through at 12 weeks. Wake them up to feed? Are you absolutely insane??

Anyhoo, glad he got home ok.

MN cracks me up. OP was asking a little advice on a normal everyday situation, absolutely you should LTB because he goes out with friends (very occasionally by the sound of it) and you're putting your baby in danger by allowing her to sleep a normal length of time 😆
I do not think you were BU to be pissed off at DH for not getting back to you and sticking to the plan but I also don't really think he was BU by getting a little carried away having fun with friends when he doesn'tgo out often. Glad he got home without you having to get up in the middle of the night and hope he grovels a little today 😊

I think the key phrase here is "pre having baby". Life has changed now, I would make sure he is aware of that as you need to be nipping this in the bud now.