‘So lovely to have one of each’

[ChekhovsMum]

We have a 2yo DS and have just found out we’re having a little girl. We know this will be our last, and I think that’s also fairly common knowledge among friends and family because we’re on the older side.
Since telling people the sex, I keep hearing people, in particular women from the generation above (ie 65+) saying ‘Oh, how lovely to have one of each!’. Perhaps I’m being unreasonable but this grates on me a bit, because it implies that it wouldn’t have been quite so lovely to have two boys, and but for a quirk of fate we could have had exactly that, as anyone could. It made me particularly uncomfortable in the weeks BEFORE the scan, when a few people asked if we knew yet, and offered the golden nugget of opinion ‘It would be lovely to have one of each’. It almost sounded like they were putting in last-minute order. Oh hang on, I’ll reach into my uterus and model the child a vulva using my special mummy powers!!
Look, I know there are many biting Mumsnet replies I could have used, and believe me I am a fan of those, but these are friends, family, close work colleagues - people I otherwise respect and care about, mostly, plus a few strangers who seemed otherwise lovely and very well-meaning. I don’t feel like bawling them out or even being subtly prickly - it’s not major enough for that. I just want to understand!
So… is this just a thing which was drummed into their generation, either because it was the first to have two children as the average, or because they believed boys and girls were so different (and so similar to each other, like you knew who was coming out of you the minute you knew the sex) that they genuinely felt two same-sex meant you were ‘missing out’? Was there pressure from their own families/society to produce across the sex spectrum, with a slight emphasis on this being the woman’s responsibility? Is this just one of those platitudes that people don’t give two thoughts about saying, even though they know it’s rubbish? Or is there genuinely something about having a boy and a girl that surpasses the experience of parenting two same sex children?

When I first saw the thread title "So lovely to have one of each", I thought you were going to say you were due ti have your 3rd child and the comment was said by the resident office clever-dick.

""Despite our best efforts to be gender neutral in this society...."

We are still a hugely gendered society. And gender neutral just means "stuff that used to be for boys but we allow girls to have now."

It's just a comment - I would have said the same, and if you were having a boy I would have said oh how lovely 2 brothers! I think it's rude of the comment is negative, but otherwise it's just something to say.

"We are still a hugely gendered society. And gender neutral just means "stuff that used to be for boys but we allow girls to have now."

Yep. "Billy Elliott" and "Bend It Like Beckham" came out within a couple of years of each other. Since then, girls' football has wider uptake and interest. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think there is an equivalent rise in boys doing ballet or other types of dance (I don't mean toddler rhythm n rhyme, I mean older children).
The feminine is still considered inferior and "Don't be such a girl" is still an insult.

This

Massively overthinking it - people just thinking of something to say in response to the news. If you were having another son they would say something like, oh how lovely to have a brother to play with etc..

I would probably say something similar. I mean what else do you say to try and make conversation.

They're not likely to say "what a shame for DS not to have a brother"! What are they supposed to say?

It’s just want people say. If you had two of the same sex, they’d say “oh how lovely, a friend for life” or something like that

@powershowerforanhour "The feminine is still considered inferior and "Don't be such a girl" is still an insult."

Yep.

Yep, agree. OP needs some real problems then she can stop concentrating on useless ones

Or maybe she needs a goat?

Now I shall spend the rest of the day looking at baby goat videos on YouTube lol. Love goats

The fact you found out before your DC was born meant it was obviously important to you, you've then relayed this information to others who have then said how nice this piece of information was.
What reply did you actually want from them?

I think most people are just trying to say something nice. If you were pregnant with the same sex they would says 'oh, That's nice they can play together' or something. I have one of each, sometimes it's nice and they get along sometimes they don't. Having children is usually nice but often knackering and a bit shit regardless of their sex. I wouldn't overthink it or become overly offended.

To those who think I need to get over myself - no I don’t
yes, you do…

I have B/G twins, so interesting to have one of each. I truly believed the sex wouldn’t make a difference but it truly does. I’m not talking about liking pink or playing football. More subtle things.

This is why there are accusations of the snowflake generation!

I say this has someone who gets very angry at gender reveals where the dad is obviously disappointed that it is a girl. It the applause men get for being ‘girl dads’ who take a passing interest in their daughters activities and interests.

but this thread is just bloody ridiculous. It is not sexist to say one of each how nice. Two boys is also lovely as is two girls.

people who have children assume everyone is fascinated by the gender, age gap, weight, name, sleeping habits, development etc etc. it’s actually quite dull.

OP, I say this has a sting champion of equality, get over yourself.

At the end of the day no body really cares if you have a boy or girl do they?, but everyone's standard response when being told the sex of an unborn baby , is aww, how lovely, some people do say lovely to have one of each, but that's only because you then get to experience being a boy and girl mum, which may or may not have differences, and it's something to say 😊.
I've got 3 girls, by my 3rd pregnancy everyone was saying fingers crossed for a boy this time, which I felt was a bit rude but I laughed it off (I already knew I was having another girl and was perfectly happy with that)

She just meant complete for them, I know people who decided early on they wanted 4 children, some wanted fewer, some who would like a boy and girl, some who want their daughters to have a sister maybe as they had a good relationship with sister or none at all.

I think you are over thinking it. It’s just something people say. I have 4, 2 boys and 2 girls and I’m always told I’m lucky. My first 2 was a boy and a girl so always had the you’re so lucky comments. It’s just something people say though I get told I’m lucky having 4 as they can “play together” yet all they do is argue 🤷🏻‍♀️

Like what Smellslikesummer ? I'm just curious as I only have daughters and can never tell if my nephews are the way they are (not bad, just different!) because of parenting, or if it has to do with being boys.

It is difficult to say exactly, a bit of an simplistic example: give them building blocks, they will both build things, with more or less attention to detail depending on mood, can be more or less elaborate. When it differs is what happens once it is built. Girls will take pleasure role playing with the built structure, boys will take pleasure demolishing it. It often more about action for boys.
Another one, for ex when playing with toys, if they want something the other one has, young toddler boys would often just grab it, whereas girls learn to wait until the boy is distracted and then take the item. For the adult supervising this often leads to seeing the boys as more disruptive when actually it is just more visible because they act more impulsively.

Disclaimer: based on my sample of 2 + their friends. Maybe I’m talking rubbish… but as someone who truly believed there were no differences I was surprised.

Sorry but if you’re this sensitive about people’s responses then it was a bit silly to reveal the gender. A simple “we’re not telling people that” is fine if asked. And once the baby is born, you can calmly respond to the “one of each” crowd that you’re just delighted to have a healthy baby.

You don’t need to entertain others’ opinions about your children’s genders, but equally you don’t need to invite comment by revealing the gender now, and you can politely respond to comments like that by shutting them down respectfully. It’s people just being nice, you are definitely overthinking it.