I feel so guilty and ashamed

[Mumto1boyo]

Ds is in the terrible 2s and I ha e to wrestle him into his pram. Today was awful, it was raining and he wasn't cooperative. I lost my temper and called him a little cunt and to shut the fuck up.
Im so stressed. I do all the housework,cleaning and cooking and shopping so my dh doesn't have to worry about that as he is the breadwinner. I'm just a sahm. I feel terrible that I said those things to my sweet little boy and I love him so much.
I worry that if my husband wants another baby I will be too old as he is younger than me.
Not sure what my aibu is as I know ibu for being nasty to my darling boy.

Not sure you really understand what a 'mic drop' is?

It's very different to the flounce you just posted.

And a 'perfect parent' if you don't believe in calling two year olds cunts.

Such a weird forum at times.

No, we don't all have days when we call or two year olds those words. We really don't.

We might have days that are as frustrating as OP had, but jeeze, no. The C word to a two year old, in anger? No.

Out of interest how would you support/help her?

when I was on Mat leave I viewed looking after kids all day a job that’s harder than my actual job so still expected husband to pull his weight when he came home. Time to break free from the 50s and get your dh to start helping out.

I am a bit shocked you swore like that at your toddler. I refer to mine as little shits sometimes but not to their faces! You’re obviously under pressure so address that and move forward on the basis you won’t ever do that again and you’ll get your husband to start pulling his weight at home so you’re not quite so stressed. Maybe start doing something for yourself too / get a part time job / put your kid in daycare a couple of mornings a week etc

The language you used was vile and unacceptable. But you know that and regret it, so you’re not an absolutely terrible person, but you do need help and to make serious changes.
Your life and daily routine sounds boring, unfulfilling and reeking of lack of stimulation. Get a job! Get some hobbies! Use your brain and skills. You will feel better for it and less frustrated, leaving you less likely to lose your temper. I would be scaling the walls after one day of your life!

Please OP do NOT say that you are ONLY a SAHM! A SAHM has an incredible amount of responsibility on their shoulders, for example, you have to feed, wash, dress, change nappies, ensure LO gets all of their needs seen to, and above all keep them safe! You are also likely to be cleaning the house, doing the washing, doing the shopping, cooking meals, ironing, possibly feeding pets, walking pets, cleaning up after pets, and some of us even get conned into doing the garden too, oh and that's not to mention all the household admin that you get to do, together with arranging appointments for workmen to come in if necessary, the washing machine to be fixed if it breaks. The list goes on, and on, and on, OP. So, next time someone asks you what you do, tell them that you're a captain of industry, as effectively, that's what you are!😋

Oh, and try not to swear at your baby again, but under the same circumstances, I'm sure we have all done similar, albeit possibly without the swear words, but I think anyone who says they've never cussed at their child is probably fibbing, because like you, we all feel guilty!

This thread makes me feels sick.

I think anyone who says they've never cussed at their child is probably fibbing
No. We're really not fibbing. 🙄

Oh don't be so dramatic

2 year olds repeat what they hear. I'd be worried next time the 2 year old got angry at me he might call me a cunt.

Google your local family hub (formerly sure start) or find them on Facebook. Book onto one of their parenting classes that focus on terrible twos behaviour. Sometimes they offer a crèche too.

I know it’s hard but try to remember that at 2 your DS does not have the capacity to be manipulative or to regulate his emotions but he is starting to learn those things based on his primary caregiver/role model which is you.

How were you treated and spoken to as a child? Do you feel like you are repeating how you were treated?

Ask for as much support as you need.

Yes it’s more important to focus on your child than to keep the house anything more than clean and safe. If your DH becomes upset by this it’s possible you are in a controlling relationship.

It’s ok to admit being a SAHM is not working out and to go back to work or use more childcare. It’s not ok to just let your son face this abuse which you know is wrong in order to save face or provide your DH with a specific lifestyle.

You need urgent anger management training- I did too about 10-15 years ago and did a really good free one for families via the council.

You have come on this forum for support and many of these comments are supportive and understanding. Some others are unfortunately not at all, they are judgemental and that's not what you need right now or ever.

Your 2 year old can't understand you, you don't make a habit of this, you are human. End of. You are NOT a bad person or
Mum.

Do learn from it because it's not a good place to be in and so I hope you don't feel in that way again but go easy on yourself xx

We nearly ALL have moments like this, OP. I once called my beloved DD a shit (I was in hospital; she was with me because I was a single parent at the time, and she was exclusively BF). I’m not proud of it (I cried afterwards) but it’s not just you… sending love & solidarity.

This.

If you can't handle ONE calmly, as a woman who is a SAHM please please think very hard before having two.

Having such a short temper is not good, and two children are much, much harder than just one.

What an ignorant and stupid comment. Of course he will remember. Just because he may not be able to articulate it or recall it with precision in a way that a simpleton could comprehend does not mean that he will forget. Memories live in us through our neural pathways, they are not merely pictures or videos in our heads that we trot out at family gatherings. Minds and bodies store traumatic memories in many ways.

Hear, hear. I see it all the time too. F-ing and blinding and calling their kids every name under the sun. Absolute lowlifes the lot of them.

People need to get off their high horses, no one said it was ok - that's the reason op posted here but I'm sure the smug announcements of being so much better parents than her are really helping 🙄

Op you lost your shit as we all have at some point, it wasn't your best moment but its done now so theres nothing to gain from beating yourself up about it. The important thing to take away from this is learning. This was your wake up call that you'd crossed the line of what you can cope with, you need to figure out what has to change in your life and get onto that - from your post this stood out to me - "just a sahm" what is that about? Have a think about that and where that's coming from

Following on from @DFAMA points, i think it would help you hugely if you stopped seeing your role as 'just a SAHM' but as a job as worthy of respect as your DHs. Carers are vital to our society & it's such a shame we associate personal value with the amount of money someone earns. Of course your DHs job is important, but so is yours.

I was a SAHM for a good few years. Being at home & responsible for it means you don't have that clear divide between your work-self and your off work-self that people who go out to work do. So it's easy to end up being constantly 'on the go' because you never, literally, clock off. So allow yourself to do that! Have a chat with your DH and arrange times you can be 'off duty' every week, just as he is when he gets home from work, so you can rest/do something you enjoy and catch your breath. As an example, when mine were toddlers I started an evening class once a week & DH had the children, while my DH played a sport once a week. Equal down time is really important.

Someone mentioned upthread parenting classes run by their local council - these are run in my area too, and might be worth investigating if you think you need extra support.

I've taken my beating and was up crying last night then snuck into ds room with dh watching him sleep.
Yes perhaps I am old fashioned with regards to housework.
I've made a lot of mistakes with ds. I had a terrible birth and pnd coupled with having autism and existing depression. However I believe it would be better to just have ds and being able to give him everything he needs and wants.

Raising your child is doing your bit. The status quo isn’t right at the moment. Something needs to change. Only you and your DH can figure that out together. Giving your DH responsibility for one household task can be one of those things.

Thank you for giving supportive advice.

You may find it helpful to think about what is the main role of a sahm. It’s harder when they’re very little. I’m a sahm and like all parents I’m not perfect but I think it’s my job to raise happy, healthy and independent children. This means my children are learning they have to pull their weight in the home - I don’t mean they’re scrubbing the bathroom but they’re tidying up after themselves and seeing we all work as team and this includes DH doing some housework. I also think it’s important that my children learn that they deserve to be happy so therefore they need to see me do things which are just for me.