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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel so guilty and ashamed

232 replies

Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 20:40

Ds is in the terrible 2s and I ha e to wrestle him into his pram. Today was awful, it was raining and he wasn't cooperative. I lost my temper and called him a little cunt and to shut the fuck up.
Im so stressed. I do all the housework,cleaning and cooking and shopping so my dh doesn't have to worry about that as he is the breadwinner. I'm just a sahm. I feel terrible that I said those things to my sweet little boy and I love him so much.
I worry that if my husband wants another baby I will be too old as he is younger than me.
Not sure what my aibu is as I know ibu for being nasty to my darling boy.

OP posts:
Livinginanotherworld · 18/08/2023 22:14

Kids can be very trying and will do anything to push your buttons but I’m sorry that’s appalling. There is no justification for calling a baby words like that, it is abuse and it’s a slippery slope. All those posters trying to minimise it, why are you normalising behaviour like that ?

Please get some help of some sort and for gods sake don’t have any more kids before then. You are a stay at home mom with one baby, it’s not like you are juggling 3 under 5’s and a full time job.

PeggyPiglet · 18/08/2023 22:15

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 20:56

Why would you have laughed? Do you think dickhead is funnier than cunt when aimed at a two year old?

Show quote history

I think you're missing the point somewhat.

thedancingbear · 18/08/2023 22:15

Illbebythesea · 18/08/2023 22:06

@thedancingbear dont be patronising. I’m not an ‘oh Hun’ mum, at all. I still don’t think the OP is guilty of child abuse.

Read your last post back to yourself.

TeenLifeMum · 18/08/2023 22:16

I can’t understand how stress makes you speak to your dc like that! I’ve been stressed - toddler twins plus a 5yo nearly broke me but never have I sworn at them. Surely that’s basic parenting rather than being a “perfect” parent. I know you’re looking for reassurance but I can’t tell you it’s okay. It isn’t.

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 22:16

PeggyPiglet · 18/08/2023 22:15

I think you're missing the point somewhat.

Show quote history

Feel free to enlighten me?

tenbob · 18/08/2023 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

1983Louise · 18/08/2023 22:17

That was an awful thing to say to your son, you should be ashamed of yourself. What are you going to do next time he annoys you, batter him.

Livinginanotherworld · 18/08/2023 22:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

No we don’t….most of us wouldn’t call our babies vile and disgusting things.

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 18/08/2023 22:17
Shock
BlueAbacus · 18/08/2023 22:18

@DameCurlyBassey totally agree. I have been incredibly stressed out with a 2 year old (thankfully past that stage x2), as have many of my friends, and I don’t know a single one who would swear at their child.

Genuinely gobsmacked by the PPs saying it’s understandable. Have you all sworn at your children? I would find that shocking to witness or be told about.

Hollyppp · 18/08/2023 22:18

Really not cool. Your poor DS.

definitely need to speak to DH and GP about your stress levels and some coping mechanisms

Meadowsalways · 18/08/2023 22:19

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

iamenougheveryday · 18/08/2023 22:19

We live, and we learn. The fact you feel guilty means you are a good mum.

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 18/08/2023 22:19

Awful way to treat your child @Mumto1boyo Please never speak to him or treat him like this again. Sad Thankfully he is too young to remember it (hopefully!)

Findyourneutralspace · 18/08/2023 22:20

We all lose it, definitely, but you sound like you need more support. Having a DH who is very wrapped up in work, and puts all the parenting on you is tough. Not to say that’s wrong. If he needs to do that for his job and the family then so be it, but where can you get support or a break because being solely responsible for parenting is a lot.
The fact you feel bad is a good sign. You’ll try to make sure it is a one off, but take it as a warning that you are overwhelmed and need a break.

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 22:21

The irony of someone prefacing an "it's not abusive to call your toddler a cunt" post with Oh fuck off.
I don't think your advice is as beneficial as you seem to think.

DiddyHeck · 18/08/2023 22:22

iamenougheveryday · 18/08/2023 22:19

We live, and we learn. The fact you feel guilty means you are a good mum.

Oh come on.

I'm not going to comment either way on what the OP called her child, or the fact she'd find it funny if she witnessed another child being called a Dickhead by its mum.

But this comment is utterly ridiculous.

By that way of thinking, you can say or do anything to a child but as long as you feel a tinge of guilt, it'd make you a good mum?

Get real.

ladyvivienne · 18/08/2023 22:23

I wouldn't dream of calling anyone that, certainly not a child.

I don't think there's any excuse - you really need to sort yourself out.

BlueAbacus · 18/08/2023 22:23

@DiddyHeck 100% this

OhmygodDont · 18/08/2023 22:23

I think you need to work on strategies to overcome this.

Now I may think ffs or oh fuck off and I’m not some perfect parent come see my house 😂 but I’ve never once called any of my children a cunt or a dickhead. Even with the teenager the worst we have got to is don’t act like a dick mate and he apologised.

My youngest is the one who will wait for your arsed to hit the sofa before another demand again and again and it’s seriously…: everytime my butt hit… yes I will do it but you will have to wait.

Mischance · 18/08/2023 22:26

Here's a good ploy to get child into pushchair. Have biscuit at the ready - say it is their "pushchair biscuit" and he can have it when he is properly seated and strapped in the pushchair. Mine used to choose one of those animal biscuits ready for the treat when they were in and settled. It just became a routine - woe betide me if I forgot to buy the biscuits!

Children can be really hard at this age and one of the ways to cope is to be one jump ahead.

I a sorry it all feels so hard at the moment.

Illbebythesea · 18/08/2023 22:27

@thedancingbear I don’t need to I know what I wrote. I still stand by the facts that I’m not a Hun mum and op isn’t abusive!

PeggyPiglet · 18/08/2023 22:29

Some people on this thread are so seriously clenched I'm surprised they can sit down comfortably.

Yes it's wrong. The OP knows that. But for god sake, there's a difference between losing your temper and calling your child a cunt once and feeling fucking awful about it, to people who do it all the time without a moment's thought.
Yes if you want to call it child abuse in the moment, then fine.
What would you like to do, report her to social services or have her locked up? The OP knows she did wrong.

Honest to fucking god.

CheezePleeze · 18/08/2023 22:30

Mischance · 18/08/2023 22:26

Here's a good ploy to get child into pushchair. Have biscuit at the ready - say it is their "pushchair biscuit" and he can have it when he is properly seated and strapped in the pushchair. Mine used to choose one of those animal biscuits ready for the treat when they were in and settled. It just became a routine - woe betide me if I forgot to buy the biscuits!

Children can be really hard at this age and one of the ways to cope is to be one jump ahead.

I a sorry it all feels so hard at the moment.

Please don't use food as bribery or reward OP.

Bunnycat101 · 18/08/2023 22:30

Sometimes children push your buttons and push your patience to the very edge. I think now you know you have sworn quite badly at him, you need to remember what that felt like and make sure you withdraw in some way before getting to that point again as he will push you again. Obviously much harder if you’re out and about and in sole charge. There are plenty of times I’ve said fuck of under my breath when my children have been moaning on but can control enough to not vocalise it. Sometimes you need to just let them scream or do something while you take a breath and find a way to be in control.

They do also repeat everything. My daughter got told off in school for saying ‘oh for god’s sake’ which she’d overheard me saying, probably while driving. Not ideal but I suspect I’d have been called into the school for a serious chat if she’d repeated what you called your child.