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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel so guilty and ashamed

232 replies

Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 20:40

Ds is in the terrible 2s and I ha e to wrestle him into his pram. Today was awful, it was raining and he wasn't cooperative. I lost my temper and called him a little cunt and to shut the fuck up.
Im so stressed. I do all the housework,cleaning and cooking and shopping so my dh doesn't have to worry about that as he is the breadwinner. I'm just a sahm. I feel terrible that I said those things to my sweet little boy and I love him so much.
I worry that if my husband wants another baby I will be too old as he is younger than me.
Not sure what my aibu is as I know ibu for being nasty to my darling boy.

OP posts:
Gnomegnomegnome · 18/08/2023 20:59

Why are you stressed?
I would start with that and look at what you can do to reduce and relieve the stress.

Would you call your Dh a cunt and tell him to shut up when stressed? If not why not? What stops you?

Roselee1 · 18/08/2023 21:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 21:01

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Thank you this makes me feel a bit better. That I'm not the only one. Thank you.

OP posts:
Thighdentitycrisis · 18/08/2023 21:01

In my opinion swearing at your child and calling them a cunt or a dickhead is abusive. You need to model appropriate behaviour to your child, you are his first teacher.

what you have done is shown him that the way to respond to stress or things not going your way is to swear at the person and get angry

Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear. But you need to start thinking about how to stop this becoming normal for you.

Original poster
Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 21:02

Thighdentitycrisis · 18/08/2023 21:01

In my opinion swearing at your child and calling them a cunt or a dickhead is abusive. You need to model appropriate behaviour to your child, you are his first teacher.

what you have done is shown him that the way to respond to stress or things not going your way is to swear at the person and get angry

Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear. But you need to start thinking about how to stop this becoming normal for you.

You are very right. Thank you.

OP posts:
TarquinOliverNimrod · 18/08/2023 21:03

RunningFromInsanity · 18/08/2023 20:57

Oh come on, children can be little dickheads.

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Please don’t ever call a child a ‘little dickhead’ it’s so utterly horrible. No child needs to be spoken to like that. And to call a child a cunt. I just cannot get my head around feeling so much aggression towards a baby. You really need to have a strong word with yourself if you’re talking to a child in such a hateful, caustic manner. Children need to be shown kindness and patience.

TarquinOliverNimrod · 18/08/2023 21:03

Thighdentitycrisis · 18/08/2023 21:01

In my opinion swearing at your child and calling them a cunt or a dickhead is abusive. You need to model appropriate behaviour to your child, you are his first teacher.

what you have done is shown him that the way to respond to stress or things not going your way is to swear at the person and get angry

Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear. But you need to start thinking about how to stop this becoming normal for you.

I couldn’t agree more.

itsgettingweird · 18/08/2023 21:05

PandyMoanyMum · 18/08/2023 20:54

You sound very stressed and I remember occasione when I muttered FFS under my breath… but you’ll be mortified if he starts shouting “Cunt” when you are out and about.

Yes I'd be more concerned he's at the age of repeating 🫣🤣

You got stressed. You know it wasn't the best response.

The issues come when parents think this behaviour is normal and it becomes an everyday occurrence.

Big he's - he's 2 now and at the age of repeating stuff so definitely time to come up with the alternative swear words for those everyday moments - like dropping stuff!!!

AmazingSnakeHead · 18/08/2023 21:05

Just make sure it never happens again. I once encountered a toddler at the park who went around shouting FUCK and FUCK OFF at the top of his voice. Mum was mortified, said he'd overheard it on the bus. I suspected that he'd had it said to him in anger form the way he was repeating it. But you bet I didn't let my own toddler DS play with him, because I didn't want to be the mortified parent the next day explaining to other parents why my child was shouting FUCK OFF at people.

Kaibashira · 18/08/2023 21:07

"I'm just a sahm".

Stop with the "just". It is incredibly hard to be a full time carer to a child in the home. You're not "just" anything. You're giving your boy a great start in life.

Stop beating yourself up, ask your DH to take DS out for a day this weekend, do what you need: sleep all day, go out with friends, whatever you need to feel more like you.

Then make sure that break in the SAHM life is there regularly - you need quality time away from your job = SAHM just like your DH does.

Don't focus on one moment of frustration; focus on how to avoid getting that frustrated.

Good luck - this stage feels endless but once it's gone, it's gone forever.
.

WildFlowerBees · 18/08/2023 21:07

I think you've beaten yourself up enough op. Give yourself a break, you won't repeat it and tomorrow is a new day. Give yourself a moment when dc is being difficult you're doing the best you can. Keep telling yourself that.

Hankunamatata · 18/08/2023 21:08

You sound a bit broken. Time to lean on dh a bit

Original poster
Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 21:08

Kaibashira · 18/08/2023 21:07

"I'm just a sahm".

Stop with the "just". It is incredibly hard to be a full time carer to a child in the home. You're not "just" anything. You're giving your boy a great start in life.

Stop beating yourself up, ask your DH to take DS out for a day this weekend, do what you need: sleep all day, go out with friends, whatever you need to feel more like you.

Then make sure that break in the SAHM life is there regularly - you need quality time away from your job = SAHM just like your DH does.

Don't focus on one moment of frustration; focus on how to avoid getting that frustrated.

Good luck - this stage feels endless but once it's gone, it's gone forever.
.

Thank you. Dh is very appreciative of all I do and get done. He is taking him out tomorrow so I can rest too.

OP posts:
elsbelsx · 18/08/2023 21:11

He won't know or remember what you've said, so don't beat yourself up too much. We all have stressful moments that can cause us to say things that we don't mean, but before you get to that point again try and notice when it's about to happen, take a deep breath and try to remember how guilty you felt for saying it.

Twillow · 18/08/2023 21:15

Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 20:57

Because he works full time and I don't do anything to bring money in. So I feel.im doing my bit...also I'm very particular with cleaning.

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Well here's your issue. You are the one imposing domestic perfection on yourself. Young children and a perfect home are mutually incompatible. Rethink how and what you are doing to reduce your stress levels - your child is the thing that matters, not the dust.

JenWillsiam · 18/08/2023 21:17

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 20:58

They can, but they don't deserve to be addressed as such.

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Oh give over.

willWillSmithsmith · 18/08/2023 21:21

When my eldest was that age I remember calling him a little shit, not sure if it was to his face but I still felt awful about it. He’s adult now and I’m pleased to say he’s as far from being a shit as you can get. Parenting is stressful but it is important to nip it in the bud or it will become the norm and you certainly don’t want him mimicking you either.

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 21:21

JenWillsiam · 18/08/2023 21:17

Oh give over.

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No.

HTH

Whattodo112222 · 18/08/2023 21:26

No judgement.. I called my daughter a little shit this morning because she kicked my hand and bent my little finger right back and my nail ripped off... ouch....

It happens OP, sometimes we can't help the frustration.

You don't seem v happy with being a sahm, is that something you can change?

Autieangel · 18/08/2023 21:26

He won't remember just try better tomorrow. During your partners working hours it's all on you. The rest of the time should be 50:50. Are you getting a break?

Illbebythesea · 18/08/2023 21:26

I also have 2 year old, today they wiped their cheese spread hands all over the sofa… it was one of many, many annoying things they’d done today. I said ‘ffs x please will you stop being so bloody annoying.’ Said in a total monotone voice, yeah it’s not what I aspired to when I became a mother… but it’s real life. I can imagine having a particularly shit day and saying what you did.

Whattodo112222 · 18/08/2023 21:27

Thighdentitycrisis · 18/08/2023 21:01

In my opinion swearing at your child and calling them a cunt or a dickhead is abusive. You need to model appropriate behaviour to your child, you are his first teacher.

what you have done is shown him that the way to respond to stress or things not going your way is to swear at the person and get angry

Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear. But you need to start thinking about how to stop this becoming normal for you.

She is also human.. I'm not condoning the use of the C word.. but she's a human being.. not a robot.

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 18/08/2023 21:28

It's not great OP, but you know that or you wouldn't have posted. You're human and you lost your shit. You're not a bad mum, sounds like you need a break don't beat yourself up x

MrsMarzetti · 18/08/2023 21:28

OP Ignore the perfect holier than thou parents on here. Yes, it wasn't your finest moment but dealing with a 2 year old whilst running yourself ragged is not fun. just don't let it happen again.
You need to sit down with you DH and tell him he needs to help out. You are only one person and only one half of your sons parents and that he needs to do some parenting and some chores.
To be a great mum you need to have a little time and space for yourself.

thedancingbear · 18/08/2023 21:29

Don’t worry, OP: this is Mumsnet, where it’s fine to abuse your kids, as long as they’re really annoying, and you feel bad afterwards.