Page 7 | I feel so guilty and ashamed

Mumto1boyo · 2023-08-18T19:40:29+00:00

Ds is in the terrible 2s and I ha e to wrestle him into his pram. Today was awful, it was raining and he wasn't cooperative. I lost my temper and called him a little cunt and to shut the fuck up. Im so stressed. I do all the housework,cleaning and cooking and shopping so my dh doesn't have to worry about that as he is the breadwinner. I'm just a sahm. I feel terrible that I said those things to my sweet little boy and I love him so much. I worry that if my husband wants another baby I will be too old as he is younger than me. Not sure what my aibu is as I know ibu for being nasty to my darling boy.

TheJRTwontLetMeBe · 18/08/2023 22:59

I worry a lot. I know the swearing is bad and I'm trying to be the mum he deserves. Yeah well try harder.

This thread is full of apologists for child abuse. What the hell is going on in this country that people are justifying your foul tirade at a toddler?

Whattodo112222 · 18/08/2023 22:59

MidsummerMimi · 18/08/2023 22:51

There is a lot going on in your post.
Firstly prams and two year olds can be really tricky, the same with car seats.
I gave up on prams at this age.
My DC were happier toddling along and I did not want the battle.
Also if possible I would avoid doing anything like shopping with a two year old, it is prime meltdown time.I am assuming that you were shopping or running errands with your DS.
Secondly do you have some child free time in the week? I am also a SAHM but have two afternoons when DC are at Nursery.
I also have a lot of domestic help.
I think it is really important to have some regular time to yourself.
You are not just a SAHM, you are doing a very important job.
Don’t give yourself a hard time about losing your temper, you are human and your patience ran out. You did not physically hurt your DS.
However, I think you shocked yourself with what is known as “ the exploding doormat act”. You are holding a lot in and carrying the whole weight of childcare and housework and being very accommodating of everyone else’s needs and suddenly you snapped verbally.
I have no problem with adults swearing as long as everyone in the conversation and in earshot is fully comfortable with this language, as long as it is never directed in anger at another person and provided it is not really crude and discriminatory.
I would never ever direct these words at a child.I have no doubt that you absolutely know this and this is the reason that you reached out in your post.
I hope that nobody has ever used those words towards you.
The words themselves are only vessels but they convey real contempt and angry disrespect.
Personally I would end a relationship with someone who used those words towards me.
If those words are any part of the language in your relationship, you need to reassess your situation urgently.
You need support and understanding from your partner before considering having another baby.
You clearly love you DS and are doing your very best, having your children is very hard.
Please take care of yourself.

This is probably the most useful comment on here for the OP.

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 23:00

Illbebythesea · 18/08/2023 22:55

@DZbornak very, very similar to England!

All I can tell you is that in Scotland there are many uses for the word. Scottish guide to the word cunt -

Good cunt = nice person ☑️
Daft cunt = silly person ☑️
Thick cunt = stupid person ☑️
Bunch of cunts = Tories ☑️
That cunt = Him/her ☑️
Total cunt = Nigel Farage ☑️
Kick his cunt in = Fight that man ☑️
Ooo ya cunt ye = that’s sore ☑️ (minus the ye)

Maybe your own very, very small piece of England... 🙄

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 18/08/2023 23:00

@HarrietJet
@PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer

All I can tell you is that in Scotland there are many uses for the word. Scottish guide to the word cunt -

Good cunt = nice person
Daft cunt = silly person
Thick cunt = stupid person
Bunch of cunts = Tories
That cunt = Him/her
Total cunt = Nigel Farage
Kick his cunt in = Fight that man
Ooo ya cunt ye = that’s sore

LOL-ing and joshing and calling each other cunts affectionately (and for shits and giggles) is one thing @DZbornak and I am aiming this at @Illbebytheseatoo (as they think your post is as funny as YOU think it is... ) However, calling your TWO year old a cunt, and screaming it into his face is quite something else. If you can't see the difference, there's no help for you I'm afraid.

It's a slippery slope when you start F-ing and blinding and attacking your children like this. I have two (now grown) children and I never ever behaved like this towards them. And no, don't say 'Oh yeah, good for you super mum, you're sooo perfect,' because I found it as tough as anyone else and I didn't use such foul language and attack them like this. EVER.

Anyway.... The minimising of this behaviour from a few posters is making me gag. I'm out.

OhcantthInkofaname · 18/08/2023 23:02

But he wasn't being darling! And we all have a patience point! Maybe you should use better words but it's always good for a child to know that you have a boundary.

DZbornak · 18/08/2023 23:03

@Illbebythesea
Ha ha, I'm so glad...and I genuinely laughed out loud at (minus the ye) 😄 thank you!

thedancingbear · 18/08/2023 23:03

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 18/08/2023 23:00

@HarrietJet
@PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer

All I can tell you is that in Scotland there are many uses for the word. Scottish guide to the word cunt -

Good cunt = nice person
Daft cunt = silly person
Thick cunt = stupid person
Bunch of cunts = Tories
That cunt = Him/her
Total cunt = Nigel Farage
Kick his cunt in = Fight that man
Ooo ya cunt ye = that’s sore

LOL-ing and joshing and calling each other cunts affectionately (and for shits and giggles) is one thing @DZbornak and I am aiming this at @Illbebytheseatoo (as they think your post is as funny as YOU think it is... ) However, calling your TWO year old a cunt, and screaming it into his face is quite something else. If you can't see the difference, there's no help for you I'm afraid.

It's a slippery slope when you start F-ing and blinding and attacking your children like this. I have two (now grown) children and I never ever behaved like this towards them. And no, don't say 'Oh yeah, good for you super mum, you're sooo perfect,' because I found it as tough as anyone else and I didn't use such foul language and attack them like this. EVER.

Anyway.... The minimising of this behaviour from a few posters is making me gag. I'm out.

I agree. Grim.

LBFseBrom · 18/08/2023 23:05

If he is over two he will pick up words that you say and he will remember. Try not to do it again but sort out the rest of your life, it isn't fair to expect you to do everything at home. If you had a part time job it might help, you'd earn some money and gain respect, you could also get a cleaner in once in a while.

DiddyHeck · 18/08/2023 23:09

Illbebythesea · 18/08/2023 22:48

@thedancingbear… sigh

Losing your temper with your child daily and calling then a cunt/swearing at them consistently is abusive.

Losing your temper on a particularly difficult day with a young child and calling them a cunt then feeling bloody awful about, enough so to post a thread asking for other peoples opinions (so clearly this is an isolated incident.) is not.

Are you being deliberately dramatic or is that just how you manage life generally? Not everything is black and white, Hun.

So awful she thought she'd tell us all she'd find it funny to witness a child being called a dickhead, by its mother?

"I did something abusive to my child and I'm utterly ashamed".

"Oh by the way, if I saw another child having abusive language thrown at it by its mother, I'd find it funny".

"Anyway, back to me and my child. I feel so ashamed".

Dramatic · 18/08/2023 23:10

TheJRTwontLetMeBe · 18/08/2023 22:59

I worry a lot. I know the swearing is bad and I'm trying to be the mum he deserves. Yeah well try harder.

This thread is full of apologists for child abuse. What the hell is going on in this country that people are justifying your foul tirade at a toddler?

I do not agree that one time of swearing at a child constitutes child abuse. Just like I don't think smacking your child once is child abuse. I wouldn't do either of those things but I can see how some people get to that point.

Swearing at your child or smacking them on a regular basis, yeah I'd say that's abuse. A one off? No.

Illbebythesea · 18/08/2023 23:16

Yeah, we’re not going to agree. Maybe watch motherland? An entire British series based on parenting, humour and basically mothers calling their kids twats. Doesn’t make us abusive… or awful. You’d probably be aghast and in peril so best not actually… but seriously. You’re likening OP to someone bashing her kid round the room calling them a cunt and it’s just not the case, is it? Chill out.

DZbornak · 18/08/2023 23:20

@PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer
Ok. So the question is, where exactly did OP say this was "screamed into his face"? It could have been muttered almost silently under her breath for all you know. Jeezo, there is no attacking of children here, a turn of phrase has been used in frustration, what's the big deal?! And it was to a child who will have no memory of it. I just see a mum who looked for a wee bit of reassurance and support here and instead was vilified for using a supposedly bad fucking word, maybe the folk who are judging would be better putting their indignation to use in preventing actual abusive situations that some children find themselves in.

DameCurlyBassey · 18/08/2023 23:24

Whattodo112222 · 18/08/2023 22:35

God bless all the pearl clutchers who are positively perfect parents and have never so much as raised their voices to their children.

OP doesn't need to feel worse than she already does.

Why put it out on MN if you don’t want genuine responses. No one has been rude. We certainly haven’t called her a c*.

One thing I have noticed in my long(ish) life is that people who get so stressed out that they lose control every now and then never seem to do so with people who are bigger and stronger than them. It is always with people more vulnerable. I find that very interesting.

TheJRTwontLetMeBe · 18/08/2023 23:30

Kind of tragic that calling a 2 year old a cunt is absolutely fine, yet if I'd called the OP a cunt and told her to shut the fuck up I would be reported. Some people don't deserve children.

TetrapanaxRex · 18/08/2023 23:30

You mention that you are particular about cleaning.

You are not working so have time to maintain and clean a home unless you are putting obstacles in your way such as being obsessive with the cleaning?

Perhaps relax your standards a bit?

Do you have a playpen? That helps tremendously as you can get on with things and check on them easily.

TheJRTwontLetMeBe · 18/08/2023 23:32

Illbebythesea · 18/08/2023 23:16

Yeah, we’re not going to agree. Maybe watch motherland? An entire British series based on parenting, humour and basically mothers calling their kids twats. Doesn’t make us abusive… or awful. You’d probably be aghast and in peril so best not actually… but seriously. You’re likening OP to someone bashing her kid round the room calling them a cunt and it’s just not the case, is it? Chill out.

I've watched Motherland, it's funny. It's not a documentary. You seem to have a problem separating real life from fiction.

Hibiscrubbed · 18/08/2023 23:33

thedancingbear · 18/08/2023 21:36

Calling a toddler a ‘little cunt’ is not okay. Ever.

I’ve seen what abusive parenting can do to lives. these threads make me sick.

Show quote history

A woman who has posted for support, who is clearly at the end of her rope and receiving no support from her H, who is clearly aware that she did ‘wrong’, who is self-flagelating, doesn’t need sanctimonious posters baying for yet more blood.

What do you hope to achieve?

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 23:33

Ok. So the question is, where exactly did OP say this was "screamed into his face"? It could have been muttered almost silently under her breath for all you know
What a reach . I'd lay odds it was not almost silently under her breath.

TrishM80 · 18/08/2023 23:35

Illbebythesea · 18/08/2023 21:52

@TrishM80 Look, no one is saying this is great, right? It’s not what any of us aspire to when we’re pregnant. But sometimes, after a really shit day of being over whelmed, over worked, touched out and just absolutely to the point of breaking saying ‘for fuck sake kids just give me a break! Shut up for 5 minutes!’

Does that really make them a scum bag? Or just a human being (parent) at the end of their own personal limit!?

It’s nice to imagine we’d have the gentle parenting down 24/7 ‘mummy is feeling quite agitated right now so I’m going to take 5 minutes.’ We all know that’s the BETTER way to dealing with it, but sometimes, in the moment our emotions get the better of us.

Do you have multiple children? Just genuinely curious. Because I think when I only had 1 I probably would of looked down on this too being honest, until I lived it and realised the absolute frustration of multiple children demanding every ounce of you from 6am-7pm.

3 kids, and the words "shut the fuck up you cunt" has never even entered my thought process in their presence, let alone come out of my mouth.

The fact that a parent can say this to a toddler and effectively get a free pass from this forum (which she would not get if she was a man and quite rightly so) is deeply, deeply disturbing.

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 23:35

Illbebythesea · 18/08/2023 23:16

Yeah, we’re not going to agree. Maybe watch motherland? An entire British series based on parenting, humour and basically mothers calling their kids twats. Doesn’t make us abusive… or awful. You’d probably be aghast and in peril so best not actually… but seriously. You’re likening OP to someone bashing her kid round the room calling them a cunt and it’s just not the case, is it? Chill out.

There isn't a single instance of a child being called a twat to their face in that series. There are very few actual scenes with kids at all.
Plus, it's a comedy; exaggerated for effect...

Illbebythesea · 18/08/2023 23:37

@TheJRTwontLetMeBe but a series about women abusing their children wouldn’t be funny, would it? So if you found motherland funny (where they call their kids all sorts) then you either find child abuse funny or you don’t think it’s child abuse? 🤔or is it child abuse but it’s funny when it’s not real 🤣 make your mind up ffs.

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 23:41

Illbebythesea · 18/08/2023 23:37

@TheJRTwontLetMeBe but a series about women abusing their children wouldn’t be funny, would it? So if you found motherland funny (where they call their kids all sorts) then you either find child abuse funny or you don’t think it’s child abuse? 🤔or is it child abuse but it’s funny when it’s not real 🤣 make your mind up ffs.

That series wasn't about women verbally abusing their kids. There were literally no instances of this whatsoever.
What a bizarre take on it! Have you actually quoted the right one? It doesn't sound remotely like the one I watched 🤔

Illbebythesea · 18/08/2023 23:42

I’m bored now. Can’t argue with hysteria. OP has disappeared and seems to have decided to take this bashing lying down so I'm not sure why I'm still bothering tbh.

I don’t think op abuses her son, I suspect she loves him deeply and would die for him without question. Despite calling him a cunt today. & I’ll end with that 🎤⬇️

elsbelsx · 18/08/2023 23:44

Fucking hell, now you're apparently a child abuser if you find motherland funny!
MN is an absolute cesspit sometimes.

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 23:45

Illbebythesea · 18/08/2023 23:42

I’m bored now. Can’t argue with hysteria. OP has disappeared and seems to have decided to take this bashing lying down so I'm not sure why I'm still bothering tbh.

I don’t think op abuses her son, I suspect she loves him deeply and would die for him without question. Despite calling him a cunt today. & I’ll end with that 🎤⬇️

I don't know why you bothered at all, frankly 🤣