Page 6 | I feel so guilty and ashamed

Mumto1boyo · 2023-08-18T19:40:29+00:00

Ds is in the terrible 2s and I ha e to wrestle him into his pram. Today was awful, it was raining and he wasn't cooperative. I lost my temper and called him a little cunt and to shut the fuck up. Im so stressed. I do all the housework,cleaning and cooking and shopping so my dh doesn't have to worry about that as he is the breadwinner. I'm just a sahm. I feel terrible that I said those things to my sweet little boy and I love him so much. I worry that if my husband wants another baby I will be too old as he is younger than me. Not sure what my aibu is as I know ibu for being nasty to my darling boy.

thedancingbear · 18/08/2023 22:30

Illbebythesea · 18/08/2023 22:27

@thedancingbear I don’t need to I know what I wrote. I still stand by the facts that I’m not a Hun mum and op isn’t abusive!

What do you understand by the word ‘abuse’?

what do you think a ‘child’ is?

anyone who thinks calling a toddler a ‘little cunt’ isn’t abusive…sorry, there are no words.

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 18/08/2023 22:31

PeggyPiglet · 18/08/2023 22:29

Some people on this thread are so seriously clenched I'm surprised they can sit down comfortably.

Yes it's wrong. The OP knows that. But for god sake, there's a difference between losing your temper and calling your child a cunt once and feeling fucking awful about it, to people who do it all the time without a moment's thought.
Yes if you want to call it child abuse in the moment, then fine.
What would you like to do, report her to social services or have her locked up? The OP knows she did wrong.

Honest to fucking god.

Really? Actually REALLY?! I despair! OKAYING the OP's behaviour is disgusting.

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 18/08/2023 22:32

DiddyHeck · 18/08/2023 22:22

Oh come on.

I'm not going to comment either way on what the OP called her child, or the fact she'd find it funny if she witnessed another child being called a Dickhead by its mum.

But this comment is utterly ridiculous.

By that way of thinking, you can say or do anything to a child but as long as you feel a tinge of guilt, it'd make you a good mum?

Get real.

Show quote history

100% this! ^ The comment by @iamenougheveryday saying 'ooh you're a good mum @Mumto1boyo because you feel guilty about it' is a farcical comment!

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 22:35

Jesus Christ - someone advising everyone aghast at a toddler being called a little cunt by his mother (who's admitted she would have laughed if she'd overheard another toddler being called a little dickhead) to unclench.
Have a word with yourself.

Whattodo112222 · 18/08/2023 22:35

God bless all the pearl clutchers who are positively perfect parents and have never so much as raised their voices to their children.

OP doesn't need to feel worse than she already does.

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 18/08/2023 22:37

Whattodo112222 · 18/08/2023 22:35

God bless all the pearl clutchers who are positively perfect parents and have never so much as raised their voices to their children.

OP doesn't need to feel worse than she already does.

🙄 Good grief!

DZbornak · 18/08/2023 22:37

@Meadowsalways
Ah, finally, the voice of reason! I couldn't agree with you more if I tried! I realise it is different when said in frustration, but the OPs wee boy won't remember a thing and calling someone a cunt is very normal in certain circles when it's not meant offensively, can almost be an affectionate term.

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 18/08/2023 22:37

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 22:35

Jesus Christ - someone advising everyone aghast at a toddler being called a little cunt by his mother (who's admitted she would have laughed if she'd overheard another toddler being called a little dickhead) to unclench.
Have a word with yourself.

This. ^ I can't believe some of the comments on here. They can't be serious!

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 22:38

DZbornak · 18/08/2023 22:37

@Meadowsalways
Ah, finally, the voice of reason! I couldn't agree with you more if I tried! I realise it is different when said in frustration, but the OPs wee boy won't remember a thing and calling someone a cunt is very normal in certain circles when it's not meant offensively, can almost be an affectionate term.

What circles? 😵‍💫

Livinginanotherworld · 18/08/2023 22:38

Whattodo112222 · 18/08/2023 22:35

God bless all the pearl clutchers who are positively perfect parents and have never so much as raised their voices to their children.

OP doesn't need to feel worse than she already does.

Maybe she actually does, so that it never, ever happens again. I despair at some of the comments on here minimising this.

DiddyHeck · 18/08/2023 22:39

Whattodo112222 · 18/08/2023 22:35

God bless all the pearl clutchers who are positively perfect parents and have never so much as raised their voices to their children.

OP doesn't need to feel worse than she already does.

OP knows what buttons she's pressing here with her post about laughing at a child being called a Dickhead by its mother.

Whether this is a goady thread or not though, it's certainly brought out some idiots who think not calling a child a cunt or a dickhead makes them a 'perfect' parent 🙄

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 18/08/2023 22:39

DZbornak · 18/08/2023 22:37

@Meadowsalways
Ah, finally, the voice of reason! I couldn't agree with you more if I tried! I realise it is different when said in frustration, but the OPs wee boy won't remember a thing and calling someone a cunt is very normal in certain circles when it's not meant offensively, can almost be an affectionate term.

This thread is getting more batshit by the minute.

You wouldn't get these responses in the daytime.

babbscrabbs · 18/08/2023 22:40

OP we all have bad days and you obviously reached breaking point.

Sadly I know someone for whom this behaviour has become very commonplace for her child who is now 8 and let's just say it's not going well at all, so please get the support in place you need to be the parent you want to be. I recommend the book suggested in the first reply too.

To those berating the OP and calling her a scumbag etc - how does that help? OP already said she feels guilty and ashamed. Heaping shit on her won't help her be a better mum, but empathy and kindness and actual useful advice might.

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 22:41

Whattodo112222 · 18/08/2023 22:35

God bless all the pearl clutchers who are positively perfect parents and have never so much as raised their voices to their children.

OP doesn't need to feel worse than she already does.

This post says so much more about you than it does about the supposed "pearl clutchers", you know... None of it good.

drpet49 · 18/08/2023 22:42

Whattodo112222 · 18/08/2023 22:35

God bless all the pearl clutchers who are positively perfect parents and have never so much as raised their voices to their children.

OP doesn't need to feel worse than she already does.

Nah we are not pearl clutchers. We are just normal people who are not abusive to 2 year olds.

TheMoth · 18/08/2023 22:43

Looking forward to this year's safeguarding training.
"Erm, can I just interupt?"
"OK...?"
"Yeah, so that bit where you say calling your kids names is abusive? Yeah, well, it's not. "
"Oh. Right. Well, all the guidance we have here says it is and if a child reports anything like that, you should really let the safeguarding lead know."
"Right. But people on mumsnet are saying that I'm just being uptight, so.... you know. Best must ignore it. "

topshotta · 18/08/2023 22:45

Disgusting no excuse for it🤷‍♀️

Illbebythesea · 18/08/2023 22:48

@thedancingbear… sigh

Losing your temper with your child daily and calling then a cunt/swearing at them consistently is abusive.

Losing your temper on a particularly difficult day with a young child and calling them a cunt then feeling bloody awful about, enough so to post a thread asking for other peoples opinions (so clearly this is an isolated incident.) is not.

Are you being deliberately dramatic or is that just how you manage life generally? Not everything is black and white, Hun.

Whattodo112222 · 18/08/2023 22:49

Read previous comments. I'm in no way condoning the use of the C word.. it is absolutely wrong.. no excuses whatsoever.. but OP is human, has realised she is wrong and is empathetic.. why jump on her to make her feel worse by calling her a scumbag etc.

DZbornak · 18/08/2023 22:49

@HarrietJet
@PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer
All I can tell you is that in Scotland there are many uses for the word. Scottish guide to the word cunt -

Good cunt = nice person
Daft cunt = silly person
Thick cunt = stupid person
Bunch of cunts = Tories
That cunt = Him/her
Total cunt = Nigel Farage
Kick his cunt in = Fight that man
Ooo ya cunt ye = that’s sore

MidsummerMimi · 18/08/2023 22:51

There is a lot going on in your post.
Firstly prams and two year olds can be really tricky, the same with car seats.
I gave up on prams at this age.
My DC were happier toddling along and I did not want the battle.
Also if possible I would avoid doing anything like shopping with a two year old, it is prime meltdown time.I am assuming that you were shopping or running errands with your DS.
Secondly do you have some child free time in the week? I am also a SAHM but have two afternoons when DC are at Nursery.
I also have a lot of domestic help.
I think it is really important to have some regular time to yourself.
You are not just a SAHM, you are doing a very important job.
Don’t give yourself a hard time about losing your temper, you are human and your patience ran out. You did not physically hurt your DS.
However, I think you shocked yourself with what is known as “ the exploding doormat act”. You are holding a lot in and carrying the whole weight of childcare and housework and being very accommodating of everyone else’s needs and suddenly you snapped verbally.
I have no problem with adults swearing as long as everyone in the conversation and in earshot is fully comfortable with this language, as long as it is never directed in anger at another person and provided it is not really crude and discriminatory.
I would never ever direct these words at a child.I have no doubt that you absolutely know this and this is the reason that you reached out in your post.
I hope that nobody has ever used those words towards you.
The words themselves are only vessels but they convey real contempt and angry disrespect.
Personally I would end a relationship with someone who used those words towards me.
If those words are any part of the language in your relationship, you need to reassess your situation urgently.
You need support and understanding from your partner before considering having another baby.
You clearly love you DS and are doing your very best, having your children is very hard.
Please take care of yourself.

babbscrabbs · 18/08/2023 22:55

TheMoth · 18/08/2023 22:43

Looking forward to this year's safeguarding training.
"Erm, can I just interupt?"
"OK...?"
"Yeah, so that bit where you say calling your kids names is abusive? Yeah, well, it's not. "
"Oh. Right. Well, all the guidance we have here says it is and if a child reports anything like that, you should really let the safeguarding lead know."
"Right. But people on mumsnet are saying that I'm just being uptight, so.... you know. Best must ignore it. "

Ok so this post is not only ridiculous, but in this instance the issue is irrelevant. And OP has addressed it herself.

OP will still be her son's mum and primary carer.

And she is still the best person to be in that role.

Illbebythesea · 18/08/2023 22:55

@DZbornak very, very similar to England!

All I can tell you is that in Scotland there are many uses for the word. Scottish guide to the word cunt -

Good cunt = nice person ☑️
Daft cunt = silly person ☑️
Thick cunt = stupid person ☑️
Bunch of cunts = Tories ☑️
That cunt = Him/her ☑️
Total cunt = Nigel Farage ☑️
Kick his cunt in = Fight that man ☑️
Ooo ya cunt ye = that’s sore ☑️ (minus the ye)

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 18/08/2023 22:57

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 18/08/2023 22:58

FFS