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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel so guilty and ashamed

232 replies

Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 20:40

Ds is in the terrible 2s and I ha e to wrestle him into his pram. Today was awful, it was raining and he wasn't cooperative. I lost my temper and called him a little cunt and to shut the fuck up.
Im so stressed. I do all the housework,cleaning and cooking and shopping so my dh doesn't have to worry about that as he is the breadwinner. I'm just a sahm. I feel terrible that I said those things to my sweet little boy and I love him so much.
I worry that if my husband wants another baby I will be too old as he is younger than me.
Not sure what my aibu is as I know ibu for being nasty to my darling boy.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 18/08/2023 20:41

Are you serious?

IhearyouClemFandango · 18/08/2023 20:41

Ouch

PeelingWallpaperFlakyPaint · 18/08/2023 20:41

Read the book you wish your parents had read.
Try to eliminate the swear words.
Deep breath.

Original poster
Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 20:42

PeelingWallpaperFlakyPaint · 18/08/2023 20:41

Read the book you wish your parents had read.
Try to eliminate the swear words.
Deep breath.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Scurrrt · 18/08/2023 20:43

Well yeah, that was unreasonable but you know that.

Are you happy been a SAHM?

MariposaKHYU · 18/08/2023 20:43

He wont remember don’t worry so much

TinySaltLick · 18/08/2023 20:44

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. When exhausted and stressed it is very hard to stay on top of everything. Obviously not great to swear at your child but take it as a sign to find a way to get some time to rest and relax so you can find you are able to cope in those moments of higher stress.

Sometimes 2 year olds are just impossible though so I can imagine the stress of it all, but when you are doing everything 24/7 it isn't really sustainable

Original poster
Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 20:44

Scurrrt · 18/08/2023 20:43

Well yeah, that was unreasonable but you know that.

Are you happy been a SAHM?

I feel guilty for my husband as he has a stressful job and I can't take any of that burden off of him so I make sure he does as little as possible. I enjoy it but today just broke me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 20:45

TinySaltLick · 18/08/2023 20:44

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. When exhausted and stressed it is very hard to stay on top of everything. Obviously not great to swear at your child but take it as a sign to find a way to get some time to rest and relax so you can find you are able to cope in those moments of higher stress.

Sometimes 2 year olds are just impossible though so I can imagine the stress of it all, but when you are doing everything 24/7 it isn't really sustainable

I worry a lot. I know the swearing is bad and I'm trying to be the mum he deserves.

OP posts:
TinySaltLick · 18/08/2023 20:49

Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 20:44

I feel guilty for my husband as he has a stressful job and I can't take any of that burden off of him so I make sure he does as little as possible. I enjoy it but today just broke me.

Show quote history

It should be the other way around, what is his job? Hostage negotiator?

These things happen and it is normal for everything to boil over from time to time. Obviously know little of your circumstances but it doesn't sound likely there is an equal split of labour more a story from the 50s.

The book referenced above is excellent I also recommend it

RoseBucket · 18/08/2023 20:50

It’s not so much the swearing, although not great but luckily he won’t understand but it’s how you delivered it, if you was screaming or in his face or aggressively pushing him that could become an issue.

You need to develop coping strategies or if it’s overwhelming, step back and take a breath. You husband needs to know how you are feeling, it doesn’t matter how stressful his job is. You are both of his parents and parenting stress should be shared.

Whenloveisnotenough · 18/08/2023 20:51

I know it's not right...but the other day I was on the bus with my 4 kids and my 2yr old purposefully poured a bottle of water all down me and before I could stop it I called him a "little dickhead" I'm sure others on the bus heard me but i was so caught up in the moment of anger and embarrassment I didn't look up to check.
Sometimes they just press all the buttons, it doesn't make us the worst mothers ever. I do feel bad but Jesus christ...he was bein a right little dickhead lol

Helpmepleaseimbusy · 18/08/2023 20:51

He won't remember and just remember how bad you feel so it doesn't happen again.

Original poster
Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 20:54

RoseBucket · 18/08/2023 20:50

It’s not so much the swearing, although not great but luckily he won’t understand but it’s how you delivered it, if you was screaming or in his face or aggressively pushing him that could become an issue.

You need to develop coping strategies or if it’s overwhelming, step back and take a breath. You husband needs to know how you are feeling, it doesn’t matter how stressful his job is. You are both of his parents and parenting stress should be shared.

I feel I have to do everything else so it's like I'm working too...just not paid.
I said sorry to him when we got back inside and we had a cuddle whilst watching cbeebies then we had a cuddle in his cot when I tried to get him down for a nap but we just ended up laughing as he thought poking my belly fat was hilarious 😂

OP posts:
HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 20:54

I worry that if my husband wants another baby I will be too old as he is younger than me
How exactly is that relevant to calling your existing child a little cunt? Will you be more even tempered with two, do you think? Unlikely.

Original poster
Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 20:54

Whenloveisnotenough · 18/08/2023 20:51

I know it's not right...but the other day I was on the bus with my 4 kids and my 2yr old purposefully poured a bottle of water all down me and before I could stop it I called him a "little dickhead" I'm sure others on the bus heard me but i was so caught up in the moment of anger and embarrassment I didn't look up to check.
Sometimes they just press all the buttons, it doesn't make us the worst mothers ever. I do feel bad but Jesus christ...he was bein a right little dickhead lol

I know it's not the right reaction but if I'd heard that I would have laughed.

OP posts:
PandyMoanyMum · 18/08/2023 20:54

You sound very stressed and I remember occasione when I muttered FFS under my breath… but you’ll be mortified if he starts shouting “Cunt” when you are out and about.

Original poster
Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 20:55

RoseBucket · 18/08/2023 20:50

It’s not so much the swearing, although not great but luckily he won’t understand but it’s how you delivered it, if you was screaming or in his face or aggressively pushing him that could become an issue.

You need to develop coping strategies or if it’s overwhelming, step back and take a breath. You husband needs to know how you are feeling, it doesn’t matter how stressful his job is. You are both of his parents and parenting stress should be shared.

I know, thank you for being kind.

OP posts:
Littlecovid · 18/08/2023 20:56

I understand how having a child mean your ‘d’h gets to do less cooking and housework?

Original poster
Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 20:56

PandyMoanyMum · 18/08/2023 20:54

You sound very stressed and I remember occasione when I muttered FFS under my breath… but you’ll be mortified if he starts shouting “Cunt” when you are out and about.

Yes I need to remember this. Thank you.

OP posts:
HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 20:56

Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 20:54

I know it's not the right reaction but if I'd heard that I would have laughed.

Show quote history

Why would you have laughed? Do you think dickhead is funnier than cunt when aimed at a two year old?

Original poster
Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 20:57

Littlecovid · 18/08/2023 20:56

I understand how having a child mean your ‘d’h gets to do less cooking and housework?

Because he works full time and I don't do anything to bring money in. So I feel.im doing my bit...also I'm very particular with cleaning.

OP posts:
RunningFromInsanity · 18/08/2023 20:57

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 20:56

Why would you have laughed? Do you think dickhead is funnier than cunt when aimed at a two year old?

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Oh come on, children can be little dickheads.

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 20:58

RunningFromInsanity · 18/08/2023 20:57

Oh come on, children can be little dickheads.

Show quote history

They can, but they don't deserve to be addressed as such.

Original poster
Mumto1boyo · 18/08/2023 20:58

HarrietJet · 18/08/2023 20:56

Why would you have laughed? Do you think dickhead is funnier than cunt when aimed at a two year old?

Show quote history

Thank you for your helpful posts have a good evening.

OP posts: